Is the age of 5 old enough to tell ds about his sister

[AuntiePickleBottom]

I think it is the perfect time as they are doing basic family tree's in school.

Dh doesn't have any contact and it will never be possible, however we both agreed never to keep her a secret from our dc, but don't know when to tell them, is 5 too young

I always knew I had a half brother but didn't know what it meant until I was about 8 - and I was gutted to find out that it meant there was a real person who was my Dad's son (and who he never saw). It sounds odd but I thought a half-brother was a bit like a tooth fairy or guardian angel. I was deeply paranoid that my Dad would disappear from my life, too. I'm sure children today are more savvy than I was but I would say be clear about what it means and be reassuring. Tell him, though. Even if he doesn't quite understand at least the existence of his sister will not be a secret and his understanding will adjust as he gets older.

Thoughtless of the school to set family trees as homework.

From personal experience too, definitely don't leave it too long. But I would be prepared for questions about why she doesn't see her dad or why he can't go and visit his sister. He may get frightened about his dad or you disappearing from his life. You may also want to think about how to handle him asking questions of other people in the family.

I don't know if 5 is the right age, but I think I agree that it's best to tell him at an age where it will just become background family knowledge instead of a huge dramatic revelation later in life. Your DH's daughter may very well reestablish contact at some point and you don't want it to still be a secret if that happens.