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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is the teacher being a cow to my child

52 replies

Chundle · 05/07/2011 13:49

To cut long story short dd in year 2 has always loved school until this school year. Started saying her teacher hates her an didn't wan to go to school and crying etc. Anyway several times I have now witnessed dd trying to talk/tell the teacher something when she opens door in morning and teacher tuts, rolls her eyes or blatantly turns her back on my dd.
Had an incident before where she confiscated my dds shoes as she was swinging her legs under the table and last week dd was left out of an activity she had given her teacher 20p to participate in! I actually saw dd give etcher money at the door, teacher snatched it from pocketed it and looked the other way.
Other parents have commented that this teacher is rude to parents never mind the kids. Luckily we have got dd into better school for next term but AIBU to want to formally complain about her stinking attitude

OP posts:

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 05/07/2011 17:14

Kungfu How did that treatment affect you? My DD has had two years (Y5 & Y6) which a teacher who did not like her (she told me as much at parents' evening). I also upset her by complaining about something she had done. Consequently DD never got picked for any jobs, had crap parts in the school plays and has been generally sidelined. She is moving up to big school next year but I worry that her self esteem will have been shot. Aren't you a lawyer or something in the legal profession? Sorry to hijack your thread OP.

Original poster

Chundle · 05/07/2011 19:42

I'm looking into pulling her out as we speak. I can either go the home ed route or the signed off sick route. As a side note dd has ADHD and her behaviour is becoming rather more erratic and extreme by each passing day and everytime teacher isn't nice to her dd does something terribly impulsive! I think I will ring doc tomorrow and see what he says.

No probs hijack away :)
Before this year my dd was a lively outgoing girl and she's now transformed into a teary, sulky, depressed child it's rather sad

OP posts:

youarekidding · 05/07/2011 19:55

I agree (and was my first thought) with goblin

Teachers will have been saying over and over you do you morning activity THEN at carpet time we give in money, messages etc. My DS also yr 2 hasn't got it yet and is ignored (as would I if he knew it wasn't time to talk - like I'm on the loo!!) as it gives a clear message.
YES ignoring a 6yo seems harsh but they need to know theres a time and a place.

For me though if your DD has SN (the ADHD) then she may not be able to understand. The school should be putting in extra support for her.

I remember we used to get our shoes confiscated. Has the teacher confirmed it wasn't for kicking?

If you have real concerns for complaint then you need to address them with the HT. You need teachers side of the story.
Some teachers don't have the understanding of AHDH to work the best system for the child and I wouldn't necessarily blame the teacher for this. Parents get support when their childs diagnosed - teachers don't.

Original poster

Chundle · 05/07/2011 20:06

Kidding - yes confirmed by teacher she didn't kick. School give no support for ADHD. It's not just my child, she's obnoxious all over! For example dd was playing in playground and got her hands covered in dogs crap so I told her teacher that there was mess in the playground her reply was "I can't stop dogs getting in the playground" never mind the fact that it should be cleaned up or a child could be blinded. She has an awful attitude and is rude to parents and kid alike. Dd got a sticker for top marks on her spelling test, teacher then confiscates her reward sticker as dd was talking. You cannot take a reward off a child once it's been given and they know she talks more because of her adhd

OP posts:

youarekidding · 05/07/2011 20:28

I would speak to the HT then as sounds like theres a lack of support and understanding of your DD's ADHD.

I agree with shoes being taken for kicking but not sure how it would stop leg swinging - which I guess is a behaviour related to your DD's ADHD.

Have you heard of wobble cushions? One of these may help your DD.

Omigawd · 05/07/2011 21:02

My instinct is with Goblin, I think there is more to this than presented.

Goblinchild · 05/07/2011 21:10

I'm a bit surprised that you didn't mention the clinical diagnosis of ADHD that your daughter has in your first post, and that the teacher was not recognising the flashpoints being actions that are likely to be linked to her sn.
Why didn't you explain fully? The responses would have been very different with all the information available.
What strategies have the school got in place for helping her to manage the ADHD?

worraliberty · 05/07/2011 21:16

If she was swinging her legs and had her shoes confiscated, she must have been kicking the table and making a noise.

It seems fair to me if a child is told to stop and they don't, to take their shoes away so everyone can sit in peace.

youarekidding · 05/07/2011 22:44

I agree goblin. I also totally agreed with you but when you throw in ADHD then it makes the 'behaviours' understandable.

OP Make sure the new school understand ADHD so they can hep your DD.

tethersend · 05/07/2011 22:51

It doesn't matter if she was swinging legs, making a noise or even kicking- removing a child's shoes is never ok as it is a health and safety risk. If a child has their shoes confiscated and then injures their foot, the teacher/school is liable.

Wabbit · 05/07/2011 23:08

It's perfectly possible for the dislike between teacher and child to be mutual, I hated my teacher aged 7, she was the first teacher I'd had since the age of three when I went to a little private school and she just wasn't Mrs Milward whom I'd adored for the last 4 years...
I must have been a hideously obnoxious child, sceptical of her knowledge (I can actually remember mocking her guitar playing and song singing) and I also invented the smallest handwriting in the world to annoy her, knowing she couldn't tell me off for not doing my work, and knowing it'd be nigh on impossible to mark the work without a magnifying glass. Mrs Stirling certainly wasn't a fave and for my efforts I spent a very long time outside the classroom - to be discovered by the headmistress and have to explain myself. ('Mrs Stirling's playing the guitar...)

My teacher as far as I remember had hauled me over the coals for something I felt wasn't my fault and I took umbrage. I still hate her though!

Just wanted to give a perspective in which the teacher isn't always ALWAYS to blame and the child isn't ALWAYS so very innocent.

Wabbit · 05/07/2011 23:09

Oh can see thread has moved on...

Callisto · 06/07/2011 08:30

Jesus, I can't believe the attitude that it is all a 6 year old little girls fault. Ignoring anyone is not bloody on. Why should the teacher have the right to treat someone like crap, just because that person is very young? That is bullshit in my eyes and I would be extremely unhappy if any teacher was treating my DD in this way.

And the ADHD should not make a difference to how this child is treated fgs.

Original poster

Chundle · 06/07/2011 10:40

I didn't mention the ADHD at the start as I didn't feel it was relevant. Regardless of SN or not every child should be treated with respect should they not? And removing clothing items as a punishment sends out the wrong signals in my eyes, plus what would've happened if another child had put a chair down on her foot? She will not be attending her special measures school after today. For what it's worth she picked her skin so badly on her leg it bled this morning :( she's so anxious about going to school

OP posts:

BlueFergie · 06/07/2011 11:06

I agree with Callisto and OP, I don't think that the ADHD should make a difference. If OPs DD is talking to the teacher as she comes in instead of waiting for the designated time (and by the way we have no idea if this is the case), then the teacher should be perfectly capable of saying 'Oh x I won't remember anything you tell me now can you wait until carpet time? Sit down now good girl'. Tutting, rolling your eyes and turning your back on someone is horribly rude and can send very damaging messages to a young child about their worth as a person. A professional like a teacher should not need this pointed out to them. They should know it themselves. If a teacher was treating my child like this I would be furious. it is bullying plain and simple. I am an accountant and if I had behaved like this in my workplace I would have been pulled up on it pretty sharply, and I worked with other adults not kids.

I am also constantly surprised at the fact that good teachers will defend the actions of bad ones. Goblinchild I am sure you are a good teacher and I am sure you would not respond by tutting and rolling your eyes at a child as she walks into class, why do you think it is acceptable for this teacher to treat this child like that? I don't defend dodgy accountants who help cook books/ evade tax, their actions reflect badly on all the profession and they should not be allowed practice as far as I am concerned. Why do teachers not feel this way about bad teachers? I have never heard a teacher say that what other teachers do is wrong.

tethersend · 06/07/2011 13:28

Yes you have, BlueFergie- me, up there ^

I teach children with ESBD who are verbally and physically aggressive, and I would not behave towards them the way this teacher has to OP's DD. Removing shoes in particular is never appropriate.

Any SEN the child has are completely academic.

KristineKochanski · 06/07/2011 13:30

Wow. If there was a teacher like that with my child I would DEFINITELY be putting in a complaint to the headteacher. In writing as well.

quimbledonsemi · 06/07/2011 14:52

We used to have our shoes taken for kicking (or attempting to) and had to wear horrid slippers kept in the ht office for the rest of the day. It was a good deterrant imo.
OP do you have reason to believe your child was left out of the activity on purpose or was it just that the teacher was distracted when taking the oney and wasn't sure who paid? The teachers behaviour doesn't sound great but I' thinking that maybe if you've decided she's 'got it in' for your dd you might be inclined to think the worst of the teacher in some cases.
I would imagine that teachers who deliberately bully sall children for kicks are quite rare.

quimbledonsemi · 06/07/2011 14:53

SMALL children I mean.

BuntyPenfold · 06/07/2011 15:05

I had a teacher with some very nasty ways, and she was also our Brownie leader. She was highly thought of in the community.

She did not bully me, but was vile to some children - always the same ones.

I heard her say to one little girl who was overweight (an orphaned child who lived with very elderly grandparents) that she was not to attend the church parade as "You spoil the look of the group."

I reported this and several other things at home and was not believed. It was about 25 years later when my mother heard this woman talking to her own elderly father in a nursing home that she realised, she says , that I was telling the truth as a child.

Not all teachers deserve the benefit of the doubt.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 06/07/2011 15:49

Given that the activity only cost 20p, it seems really horrible of the teacher to have left out only the OP's dd. She could have let her take part, and then asked the OP for the 20p at pick-up time (I'm willing to bet that the OP would rather have paid a second 20p than have her child left out), or she could got 20p from petty cash in the office, or she could even have bunged 20p in herself.

Of course, it would have been very different if it had been an expensive activity - but leaving one child out for the sake of only 20p is utterly unneccessary.

ohnoudidnt · 06/07/2011 15:54

YANBU....No teacher has the right to talk to a child like that.I would be fuming....report her to the head and I bet you will find there have been other compaints.She is in the wrong job.

tethersend · 06/07/2011 16:02

Sorry to labour a point- but even if a child is kicking, you should not remove their shoes. It's bad practice, not to mention dangerous for both the child and the person removing the shoes (kick in the face, anyone?).

Should the child then injure their foot, even as a result of kicking an object etc., the teacher/TA is then legally vulnerable and liable to legal action should the child's parents wish to pursue a case.

If a child is known to kick, then a behaviour plan should be put in place which includes other strategies to deal with the behaviour; one of which may be an appropriate physical restraint to ensure the safety of all parties.

mumblebum · 06/07/2011 16:17

My older brother and I both had a teacher who picked on us at school. We both had the same experience with her. Neither of us ever had an issue with any other teacher. We were both punished and yelled at for stuff we hadn't done. We were both held back academically by her putting us into lower ability groups, I think because she taught the top group and decided she didn't want us in it. We were both in top groups for everything throughout the rest if our school careers. They may be the exception rather than the rule but there most definitely are bad teachers out there who are just on some kind of power trip.

YANBU op. Do what you need to do to take care of your dd.

Callisto · 06/07/2011 17:17

" I have never heard a teacher say that what other teachers do is wrong."

Oh so true BlueFergie.

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