More of a “How do I avoid being VIEWED as unreasonable”…

[OneOf8]

1st thread, so please be gentle!

Having spent the last week looking for a rear-facing car seat, I now know it is a ridiculously hard task trying to find a rear facing car seat safe for 2 or more different car makes?

I need to tell DP's mum not to use the seat they have purchased as is not as safe as I would like.

Before you tell me I am being unfair or not, please see next post below. I want to AVOID being seen as unreasonable!

In some countries, they say over 4 years should still be rear-facing.

Not sure why UK haven't followed suit, despite the evidence being there - that said I didn't know this until I started looking into the "next size up" seats.

at 6 months forward facing he would break his neck in an accident. I'd be pretty clear about it - tell MIL if she wants DGS to travel in her car it's rear facing or not at all and tell her why.

This is from rearfacing.co.uk

'Government advice to turn your child forward facing at 9 months is putting their life at risk. In other European countries, children stay rear facing until they are 4 years old, and the new US recommendation is 2 years old.
British child seat manufacturers are refusing to sell their safest products in the UK because they've decided that British parents don't want them. They export the seats to Scandinavia but will not make them available here.
Rear facing group 1 seats are 5 times safer in a frontal collision. They protect the neck and head by distributing the force along the back of the seat and are much more effective at protecting internal organs.'

They also have a buyer's guide on there www.rearfacing.co.uk/buyersguide.php

Sadly, I am perfectly able to imagine how MIL could be unhappy at her DIL for taking sensible safety precautions. The amount of times I've had to listen to my MIL go on about how her kids played in the pool unsupervised/travelled in the boot of the car, never had child car seats/ were exposed to the sun for hours and never used suncream / never used cycle helmets etc etc and how they all grew up and are healthy... so clearly all those safety precautions are totally OTT and really, you just need to use common sense, not listen to scaremongering advice... you'll just turn your kids into dependent clingy people if you keep coddling them like that... arrgh.

So OP if your MIL is a bit like this I'm afraid you'll have to bite the bullet and rather than reasoning/attempting to convince (attempting to keep the peace) you'll have to go the 'my kids, my rules' path. Yes, you want your DC to see their grandparents, for the child's sake. Good, ok. But your ILs need to WANT to see your DC, and that includes being willing to do what's right. If they are to see your DC, they need to follow your guidelines. It shouldn't be about you bending yourself over backward so that they can see their DGC. You are willing to sacrifice family time, they should be willing to sacrifice something too. (If not, they are evidently not THAT interested in seeing your DC.)

I take the opposite view.

Sure, if your MIL crashes headlong into a wall at 30mph, it will make a difference, but if she is a safe driver and only takes your baby occasionally, why not let it go?

You will find throughout your child's life that there is often a tradeoff between practicality/fun and a degree of safety. You will never eliminate every risk and this seems a very small one. Are you never going to take your child in a bus or a taxi, for instance?

unrulysun it is hard to find rear facing seats for toddlers, but they are out there. Thankfully several rearfacing toddler seats have just been awarded Which Best Buys so that should help boost demand and Halfords/Mothercare should start stocking them as normal.

World,

They have, but I would hate to make my 2 year old look at the back of a seat for a 2 hour drive. To be honest rear facing seats are safer for EVERYONE, including adults, but there is a tradeoff between safety and pleasure.

larry I totally agree that there is often a tradeoff between safety and fun/pleasure/practicality. However I think it should be the OPs decision and not her MILs as to where the line is of what risk is acceptable.

larrygrylls I have found that rear facing means that my DD sees more of the world as the seat is higher than a forward facing seat. If she was facing forward the only thing she would see is the back of the seat in front.

Sometimes there can be a trade off but this isn't really one of them. He's 6 months old not 2! Internal decapitation is likely if he's forward facing and with thebest will in the world even if mil is the safest driver in the world there are plenty of idiots out there who aren't. I know because there's a gap at our table at every family gathering thanks to a crash. Anyone who thinks your mil should be accommodated is insane.

It does sound as if the seat your MIL has bought is one that can be rear or forward facing. It should hopefully just be a case of turning it around.

It sounds like she has bought a Britax First Class or Maxi-Cosi Opal which can rear-face till 13kg.

What weight is the baby as well? If you want to reinforce the rear-facing and he's under 9kg, despite being long, then he must not go forward facing until he's at least 9kg and preferably not until he's 13kg.

Even if he is 9 kg his neck muscles are not strong enough.

I did say preferably to 13kg.

I will say though that I wish it was compulsory to be rear facing till their second birthday at least in this country.

Not a go at you secret :)

I know. Hence the

The discussions I have with people who want to put their babies forward facing at 5 months just because they are at the minimum weight is unbelievable.

it's really frustrating isn't it? Maybe Bounty packs should have an information leaflet in them. It's the tip of a very big iceberg, though. Recently, at hospital I saw a family very carefully strap their ill baby into a baby seat, then lie it on the back seat forward facing and not strapped in and drive off. Not sure if it was blind ignorance or laziness, but either way it was at complete odds with how worried they were about the child's health!

Spoken with dp's mum and dressed it as was looking for her advice. Asked where she got the seat from as we have had trouble finding a rear-facing seat for DS. She confirmed it isn't one. Arranged to see her tomorrow and will deal with it then. Will just put it nicely as earlier suggested and any sign of upset will just be more forceful.

I know it may seem a bit extreme considering the amount of potential time he may spend it it - but wouldn't be able to get over it if anything happened and I hadn't said anything!

He is too light to be in a forward facing seat as only 8.8 kg I hadn't thought of this reason as was worried about his neck.

But oneof8 it won't be long before he is 9kg so I wouldn't use it as a reason. You need to explain about his neck as he is likely to be 9kg before he is 9 months IYSWIM. Personally I'd keep him rear facing for as long as I could even when he is 9 months. The bottom line is that either MIL will be slightly pissed off, or your son will be in danger. No brainer really!

just buy her the catr seat you want her to use and fit it in her car. explain you can save her car seat for a while and use it when son is older.