...to be pissed off by nursery staff?

[MilaV]

I've recently separated from DD's dad and I told the nursery, just so they would know and start sending the invoices in my name only. But I feel they are giving it too much importance, because now everything my daughter does or whenever she's sick/angry/etc seems to be a consequence of this The nursery staff, especially one of the carers, has pointed out to me that DD's being a bit upset lately might be because she missed her daddy (IMO I think she was just a bit miserable because she had a bit of a cold). AIBU to think they're being too invasive? They also seem to look at me with pity, PLEASE! Is this the XXI century or what? Oh, I don't know if IABU or not, but it makes me mad.

YANBU. As a single parent (which is unusual here) I've been mildly conscious in the past of my DS getting slightly different treatment by teachers etc. Some can't resist playing the amateur psychologist. You simply have to point it out when it happens and ask that they stop stigmatising your child - even if they have the best intentions.

Thanks CogitoErgo, I doubt I would find the words to be kind and firm at the same time. :(

But are you sure that she isn't sad/struggling at nursery because she's missing her daddy. I have worked in a nursery and 1) they shouldn't be saying that BUT 2) They may genuinely have noticed a change since the separation and want you to be aware.

have they got a point? genuine question, its terrible for everyone when a relationship breaks down, you will get through it, and its better to be apart and happy than miserable and together for all of you, tell thye staff thaks for their concern but your on top of it, then tell them to but out if it continues

Well, I'm sure she's fine because we had been separated for a long time - it was only a couple of months ago when he moved out and it was made 'official'. She's not been herself for the last days, but only because of the cold. I just fear that everything she will do now will be a consequence of us separating...

Don't you like the idea that she may be missing him??? Why do you disregard it

Because she sees him now more than before! Did yo not read my previous message? Oh see, this is what I mean?

CogitoErgoSometimes
As a single parent (which is unusual here) I've been mildly conscious in the past of my DS getting slightly different treatment by teachers etc. Some can't resist playing the amateur psychologist.

Couldn't agree more.
I pulled DS from his last nursery because they issued a report saying that they were encouraging my DS to explore his emotions with puppets.
God save us from arseholes with delusions of grandeur and a psychology GCSE.

lubberlich, I wish there was a 'like' button on Mumsnet

Truth is I am tempted to change her and don't say anything in the new nursery. :(

I'm not in that same position but to be honest I would rather have my dd in a nursery where they spend the time and care about why she may be upset rather than have no clue.

Well, IMO there is a difference between caring and meddling and making assumptions.

Mila nowhere did you say she saw him more and just because it was made official a couple of months ago doesn't mean she's ok with it.

I agree MrsV I would prefer to be part of a nursery team where we looked after the whole child and reported concerns/spoke to parents about sad/worried/angry days rather than smile at the end of the day and say "she's been fine"

Wel, I am sure they're goodwilled (eyeroll)

They may have a point?

I'm not going to go on and on over the same thing, AmberLeaf.

Not their business to analyse! They should tell you if she's not herself but not assume the reason!

what angel said.

I agrre they should say if shes not herself but to presume its because your no longer with her father? A bit cheeky IMO and maybe doing it to get a reaction/worry/guilt trip you!

I would say thankyou for telling me but its because she has a cold but she sees her father all the time and is settled with the situation.