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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want nursery/grandparents/babysitters to support ds's potty training?

13 replies

ditziness · 04/07/2011 23:11

i'm not sure what to do! aibu cause i'm feeling outnumbered and there suspicious that i'm in the wrong...

Little boy is 2 and a bit and has always used cloth nappies. He has been using the potty for almost a year now for poos . the last couple of months he's been interested in using it for wees too and a 50/50 kind of way. A couple of weeks ago he started showing an interest in pants, so i bit the bullet and decided to stop nappies and start using pants.

He's perfect in the house, no accidents atall, everything in the potty and loves his pants. if we go out he's more hit and miss so i've been using washable training pants. He's getting there though yesterday asked me to take him to the toilet when we were in a cafe! hurrah! i figure he's going to have some accidents, but this is ok and will help him learn. it's summer, it dries.

Trouble is everyone else is just putting him in disposable pull ups! He gets looked after by nursery a day a week, a friend a day a week and goes to his grandparents regularly. and they all just put him in pull ups as soon as he has an accident! to me this seems such a backward step. yes, they may look abit like pants, but they are a disposbale nappy and he's never worn them in his life. How is wearing disposbales going to help him potty train? I don't want to force the issue because i usually just accept that people care for him differently. But this is pissing me off (pardon to pun)

Am i being unreasonable in thinking that people should be able to deal with a few pairs of wet trousers and support me and him? Advice?

OP posts:
quimbledonsemi · 04/07/2011 23:15

Hmm. As you're using the training pants out of the house couldn't you supply some of these to the nursery and ask them to use those?

MrsCarriePooter · 04/07/2011 23:19

Nursery in particular (being paid help) I would expect to fall in line with your wishes regardless of how much inconvenience, or at least to talk to you about what they are prepared to do if not going to follow your instructions.

Have you spoken to them all about it? Why aren't they prepared to use washable training pants (presumably these make him feel wet but contain the damage, whereas disposables soak everything up)? I don't know obviously - do they think he's too young or something so are sabotaging your efforts in a well-meaning way? Is it that it's been going on for too long - you say he's getting there, but if they can't see the improvement they may not see the point.

Original poster
ditziness · 04/07/2011 23:21

I do, I send him with training pants everywhere. They absorb alot of an accidental wee, but not it all and his trousers usually get a bit wet. I think this is OK. As long as he's changed straight away and treated kindly and encouraged to remember the potty next time, it'll help him learn? But so far nursery/friend/grandparent have always sent him back in pullups saying that he had an accident so they put him in pullups.

OP posts:
Original poster
ditziness · 04/07/2011 23:25

He's 2 and a bit, can say potty, wee wee, poo, sit on the potty himself and is perfect at it in the house. It was him that started showing an interest in pants. So I don't think he's too young. And it's only been a couple of weeks. Is that too long? I thought progress on all these things isn't linear.

Nursey just said he didn't ask for the potty and had an accident so put him in pullups.

OP posts:
sophe29 · 04/07/2011 23:28

Once out of nappies in day, never go back (except on very long car/plane journeys). You are in charge. Don't give grandparents and nursery pull ups. Just give several changes of clothes.
YANBU.

Original poster
ditziness · 04/07/2011 23:30

cheers soph! that's what i thought!

i don't give any of them pullups. Nursery supplies them, grandparents buy them and friend has them for her son. it's so frustrating!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 04/07/2011 23:50

I think you are going to have to stick with it in the house, and when you are off for a few weeks take him everywhere in pants, then tell people he is trained, because more than likely then he will be.

quimbledonsemi · 05/07/2011 00:06

Have you told the nursery you don't want him in pull ups? I would expect them to fit around what you are doing. GPs and friends are another matter if they are caring for your ds as a favour they might not want the inconvenience.
I had dd in pull ups out of the house for a while. I tried going straight to pants but she constantly wet herself (despite being dry at home) and I found going out really stressful. I encouraged her to use the loo when out and when the pull ups started to look dry each time I ditched them and went back to pants so they can be useful ime.

onepieceofcremeegg · 05/07/2011 00:11

Sounds like he is doing so well.
Agree with what quimble says re the nursery. I think you have more "right" to ask them to go along with what you are doing than you do with the other carers. Ask for a meeting with his keyworker and state your request very clearly.
Also, would there be an opportunity for you to try and have a "week off" from childcare so that he doesn't wear pullups all week and by then the accidents are likely to be less frequent?
Stress to GPs/friends that you will do all of the laundry yourself, you will provide towel (or similar cover) for their furniture if that is worrying them. Really stress that the laundry doesn't bother you, but the pull ups do.

Witchofthenorth · 05/07/2011 04:15

I had the same issue with grandparents, as soon as there was an accident it seemed that the default position was to put into pull ups! Even although I was persevering with pants for DD and seemed to go out with her entire wardrobe! You are in charge and I agree that it is taking a step backwards to put child into disposables, I had to get a bit marry with MIL for her to fall into step with how I was potty training, but it was needed, and she did do as I asked.......once she did this DD only took a couple of days to train :) stick to your guns YANBU.

Witchofthenorth · 05/07/2011 04:17

That of course was not meant to be marry but mardy Blush

stillskinnyHahalosers27 · 05/07/2011 04:26

no offence. but i cant understand how anyone can not start potty training as soon as the child can sit up on a potty. all my familly starrts potty training when the child sits up. my little cousin is 1 yr and 1 month. she is what i consider potty trained. she cant take herself yet but she tells us when she need to go and will hold it if needed. she still wars a diaper during the night but naps and day time outings and always done in real underwear.. i think u deserve the help and arent being unreasonable at all :D

Original poster
ditziness · 05/07/2011 06:38

thank you this is all good to hear! x

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