To have expected a visit from my in laws to see their new granddaughter? AFTER 6 WEEKS!

[TrinityCalling]

She is 6 weeks old and not even a mention of a visit. They live 2 1/2 hours away which I know is a bit of a trek but it's not like they're overseas or anything.

My husband is a wonderful, kind, thoughtful chap but his parents are DIFFICULT. He has no real relationship with his dad because FIL is an arrogant, domineering bully and whilst he's close to his mum, who IS excited about our daughter's arrival, she does not drive and is reliant on FIL to get to us (money is tight so getting the train isn't an option). FIL works 6 days a week in a job that involves a lot of driving and whilst I appreciate that is tiring SURELY a new baby is worth putting yourself out for just a little? Or not, it seems...

In all honesty, I didn't want them to visit immediately after the birth, she's our first child and we needed time to settle, and FIL is not someone I wanted around whilst getting to grips with BF etc but they didn't even propose a visit so it's not like I've refused them once and now they're in a huff or anything.

They are very poor at keeping in touch, we have lived together for 8 years and in that time his mum has phoned us less than a dozen times. If my husband phones them he gets "oh it's so lovely to finally hear from you, we miss you" etc from his mum. The onus is always on him to communicate. The only exception to this was when I was pregnant, when his mum phoned 3 or 4 times, much to my amazement, and we had a few really good chats about the pregnancy and babies etc.

His elder brother lives overseas, and has 2 children that they don't see so I had thought they would be gagging to see our daughter as she is at least in the same country as them.

Basically, I feel hurt for my daughter, that apparently she's not special enough to warrant a visit, but mostly I'm outraged on my husband's behalf. We've talked about it briefly but I know he's hurt and embarrassed by their behaviour so I don't want to go on about it to him as he's too proud to beg them to visit and he shouldn't really have to!

I'm not really sure why I'm posting, just wanted to get it off my chest and see what your thoughts are on what to do about the situation, if anything?

Thanks

Well in that case, I think it's their loss and your DD is lucky to have one set of wonderful grandparents.

I know GP's shouldn't have to be invited. But I do think you should invite them - just in case they have soem funny ideas that they can't even mention coming until they are invited. they may be complaining to their friends that it is 6 weeks and they still haven't been invited to see the baby!

As others have said, I think YANBU. A new baby is definately a time when people come to you rather than vice versa.

However, I say leave them to it, leave it as long as possible. They might visit, fall in love with her and decide to up sticks and move 5 mins down the road and you'll have to put up with them dropping in willy nilly.

(can you tell my IL's are moving 5 mins down the road as of next week?? )

Send MIL train fare! Dh'e brother lived 20 minutes away with his wife and dc, he didn't bother for 8 weeks and then when he did come he didnt bring his dc (my baby's cousin!) we moved not long after that though to a holiday destination! If he suddenly finds himself asking to visit, I'll tell him where he can go!

I'd quietly invite them (and not tell dh). Then if they don't come, it's their loss.

My children have one set of lovely, caring, interested grandparents. And then there are my parents ...

It's hurtful that they don't want to visit, but not as hurtful as having them demand to visit constantly, turn up, make a nuisance of themselves and bore you silly for far too long, while still completely ignoring the grandchildren they claimed to be desperate to see. At least they're ignoring you in a low maintenance kind of way!

You can tell other people what they want to hear, btw. When they ask if the gp are proud, say "oh yes" and change the subject.

Invite them and if they don't come then it's there loss.

have you invited them?

perhaps they read MN and realise that under no circumstances should PIL invite themselves, suggest a visit to see new children or heaven forbid turn up without a pre-booked and thrice confirmed booking in writing

Fortunately my parents think she is the best thing since sliced bread and they live locally

perhaps in laws feel pushed out, or that they would be intruding where not wanted as they havent been invited yet

Send mil a return train ticket in the mail with an invitation to come up for a week?

I empathise.... our DC4 was MIL's 8th gc. We waited five and a half months - during which time I did not send a photo - and then drove the two hours to see her, because she would not come here.