to think the health visitor had no right to tell the school I had missed/cancelled appointments in the past?

[asecretlemonadedrinker]

School contacted them about DS soiling (It's ok, I had it in hand my end ) and they said I had missed appointments in the past with them. Apart from the fact it's irrelevent (they would turn up when I was out, out of the blue to weigh one of the DSs ) , surely they cannot do this? What appointments I do and do not keep are my business, surely?

Often when a child starts through the diagnostic process (of any sort) they look to see if over indulgent or neurotic parenting is to blame.

They don't admit that the 'system' doesn't work and not all medical needs are picked upon.

But that shouldn't have mattered they should have taken care of your DS's personal hygiene, i remember the excuses from the original thread, from the school, there was no excuse for not asigning him a TA and making an adequate IEP.

Your son soiled himself that should have been dealt with, the head has experience and knows the guidelines, it is not for a parent to know where to turn to for help.

Have you got your points written down, it helps.

Keep calm, if any professional that you don't know attends, try not to treat them with suspicion.

It is early days but this will be sorted out in your favour eventually. There personal opinion of you doesn't matter, i'm sure you could tell them a few home truths, but let it go and concentrate on getting through this bit by bit, you are moving forward, at last.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable in believing that the school and other professionals would make unsubstantiated insinuations in order to make her look bad when she's asking for extra help/complaining that they are not doing their jobs.

The question is how she can get the best for her DS in this low-trust, back-covering environment.

The DS is in a new school this has come about because of the change and the new school chasing up reports.

She has to keep personal feelings out of it and stick to the facts, one of which is that the new school is coping much better in the handling of her DS's needs. So the OP wasn't wrong that they should and could have done more. TBH she just needs for time to pass the soiling issues will be eventually sorted out.

If you have complained about a school they will have complained to other professionals agencies to cover themselves if not retaliate. I have come across several parents who have been reported to social services for false accusations on the basis of their making complaints. In my case the accusations were due to a mis diagnosis by a paediatrician and my subsequent complaint.

I am now accessing all our medical records and it makes absolutely horrifying reading, everything is totally conflicting so whatever you do can be recorded as an issue.

On one hand I was recorded as insisiting on breastfeeding my children when they did not grow!!! Then I was recorded as not having an attachment to my child as she was sat on the edge of my lap. I had explained that I was trying to stop breastfeeding her at age 18 months and we were both finding it extremely difficult and if I held her too close to me then she smelt the milk but was still trying to comfort her distress at going cold turkey. I had tried to stop feeding her gradually but it did not work. There were at least 10 different reports on my supposed attachment issue based on 2 such incidents within the worst week of stopping feeding and all professionals/external agencies were advised of the attachment issue without my explanation!! There was no other evidence and all the health visitor records prior to this record good attachement.

My son was wetting and soiling but school assured us it was not a problem and was all being handled well and I was just imagining all the other parents issues with my son. Reading the notes I have found out that the head teacher had documented that the other parents had complained about the hygeine issue of his being at school and the head teacher had asked the incontinence nurse to bring us samples of nappies! Still dont know if all the other parents thought he should be excluded for it but their attitude to me indicated such! What a lovely inclusive school - must be why it gets graded outstanding.

Please be very careful and never attend a meeting alone.

My husband is coming with me, I might take my mum as a witness and she is a RGN and just retired from a management position in Public health, and used to be a MW and HV (but in he 70s/80s!). I have been gathering some statements from people who know James and have ever looked after James - abit about his character, how different he became after being the his old school a while and how he is now in the new school. I may get a statement from his godmother - she is an ex-teacher, and a nun. That's alot of people telling lies, if we all are! The GP commented about how loved DS was after he got a copy of my initial complaint. He even said "you're not sending him back to that school, are you?" . I might ask him to jot a quicky statement, and verify the status of my mental health :)

I did have to laugh though at their special needs policy which is taken from a guideline I referred to in my complaint , and it is dated after my complaint :) Silly them haven't noticed in the guidelines it states "to call a parent to change a child is a form of abuse" - guidelines they have stated are now theirs! I think they think I am young and stupid and would have 'given up' long ago.

Good luck! Hope your mother goes with you too.

I had DS2 in London, saw a HV once when he was about 3 weeks old, she had a cup of tea, measured his head and that was the last we saw of her.

We have moved overseas since then so not had any interaction with any medical professionals for the last 10 months in the UK and haven't heard a peep (we have mail forwarding etc) this is despite me not informing them of the move.

So as far as they know DS2 has simply ceased to exist, I don't think much has changed as a result of the Baby P thing at all. Obviously I have not murdered him nor am I abusing him, but I don't see how anyone would actually know that. We are friends with the people who moved into our flat and no-one has knocked on the door or called (same number) about him either.

OP, she might have just been reading her notes out, as someone upthread says she probably doesn't remember you so only has those to go on when sharing info.