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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to judge this family in the park?

50 replies

EricNorthmansMistress · 03/07/2011 14:02

I took DS to a 'pleasure park' today. It's a fair size, with a park, miniature train, ponies, paddling pool etc. It has no traffic inside. It has a play area which is fenced off.

I was ignoring watching DS play and saw a woman come into the play area with a toddler on reins. Boy was 18mo-2yo. He was straining to get away and play but she didn't take the reins off. She lifted him onto the slide (instead of letting him climb the steps) and walked alongside him on the (very safe) walkway bit, sticking her hands over so she was touching him at all times. She manhandled him onto the top of the slide and yanked the reins back when he got to the bottom. After his one allotted slide she carried him to the seesaw, sat on the same side as him and bounced for a few seconds, got off, walked him round the park a bit then left.

Her P was sitting on a bench watching.

The whole park is incredibly safe, presuming you watch your child a normal amount. The play area is very modern and not massive. Can there be any reason for behaving like this? I suppose it could be due to MH issues, but I can't imagine why SN would mean she needed to restrict him like that.

I freely admit I judged, but it really was too sad and I just felt so much for this poor little boy.

OP posts:

toddlerwrangler · 03/07/2011 15:06

How do you know he was 18-24 months?

I once got a lecture at a playgroup about the behaviour of my child, who 'should have known better at three'.

He was 18months and hitting, which I was working on.

BoysisBackinTown · 03/07/2011 15:19

YABU. You'd probably see me doing similar with my DS1 in a very safe play area. He's 9 and has an invisible SN but if I let go of his hand for even a nanosecond he'd either injure himself or run off so fast I'd never see him again. I have let my DS2 play in parks with a normal amount of supervision since he was a toddler and I will with DS3 when he's walking too. But DS1 needs someone constantly hovering over him and always has.

meditrina · 03/07/2011 15:42

I suppose I might have noticed if I thought a parent was being over-protective. But it would have been a very transient thought. There are far worse things you can be, with a small (and quite possibly erratic).

So YABU - on the grounds of making a mountain out of a molehill.

juuule · 03/07/2011 16:47

I think yabu for the same reasons as meditrina.

nevergonnahappen · 03/07/2011 16:51

its not my business is what id think

Birdsgottafly · 03/07/2011 16:57

My friend had to do similar with her DS especially in hot weather. I am not going to name his medical condition because it may identify him. He is now four and she does get very judgemental looks as he is still in a buggy and she hast to carry him at times (awaiting open heart surgery). If they are fortunate he will live at least until his teenage years.

spookshowangel · 03/07/2011 17:00

lol i would have been right there with you eric judging away. even children with sn should be able to run around and have fun. my daughter is asd and was a total nightmare when she was younger but i would not have put her on reins full stop and definitely not in a park were she was suppose to be enjoying herself. how was she suppose to learn what to do and what not to do if i dont give her to opportunities.
i would think that the mum was prob extreme over protective and didnt particularly wan to run around after her child sn or no sn.

lockets · 03/07/2011 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonka · 03/07/2011 17:29

Maybe he's a biter and she was really protecting all the other children?

DoMeDon · 03/07/2011 19:56

It was Eric!! Ha ha - how funny Thankfully you didn't notice my 'laid back' parenting - DD nearly fell in the pond

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 03/07/2011 20:15

I can only presume you have been watching me in the park with my son - I read this and thought "Oh God that is me" ... He is my first and only child and I cannot imagine just letting him go off even in a safe park ... I don't know why I do it but I just do.
He gets to run around and go crazy in our garden where I know there is little chance of him hurting himself - My heart is in my mouth everytime he even sees a park! I honestly thought this was normal.
He is 22m/o and doesn't have any sn problems that I am aware of but I couldnt imagine just letting him run round on his own ...

superjobeespecs · 03/07/2011 20:20

i was like this with DD we went to the massive adventure park at the beach when she was 2 and a bit and could easily get around she has no SN is bright and clever just grand but my best mate and i spent the whole time worrying she'd fall/get pushed over/ hurt herself etc and shouting ''baby super watch yourself baby super come down from there baby super mind you dont oh jesus christ she's going to fall CATCH HER!!'' when in actual fact she was fine wasnt till she was 4 that i was able to sort of relax but even now she's 6 i still watch her like a hawk completely PFB here

Gastonladybird · 03/07/2011 20:22

Yabu- you have no idea why she was doing this. Could be as hocus said (friend looking after him). Child could have health issues, be prone to doing loopy things etc. In scheme of things it sounds reasonable . He may not have been walking that long (dd very late walker and unstable so I was that hovering parent for a while until she got confident and also had no sense of danger (swings , drops etc).

I would rather have someone hitching up their judge pants than a trip to a and e.

Panzee · 03/07/2011 20:24

My two year old needs to be helped down the slide. He keeps throwing himself back and smacking his head on it.

Gay40 · 03/07/2011 20:24

I remember watching in horror as my friend's 2 year old catapulted down our stone steps (I was following with DD holding her hand). I said words to the effect of OMG and the horros of not holding hands. Friend didn't bat an eyelash and said "Well, it will only happen the once, she'll learn."
I learnt to ease off with the pfb after that.

DoMeDon · 03/07/2011 20:26

Seriously Chunky and Super?? What do you think will happen?

My friend stops and screams at her LO all the time. I swear LO only falls over from the shock of being yelled at to 'be careful'

Gastonladybird · 03/07/2011 20:29

What do you think can happen? Dss went wrong way up a slide when not checked - broken arm. I cracked my skull throwing myself off clubbing frame age 2..

Ok so for every story like that you have a bump or bruise but I would sooner not take a chance

DoMeDon · 03/07/2011 20:32

I agree with being near/next to at that age Gaston, which would be enough for climbing up slide or falling off climbing frame - but holding onto and limiting at every step is beyond madness.

I'm with Gay's friend

LynetteScavo · 03/07/2011 20:34

Isn't this usual behavior of grandmas who don't often see their grandchildren?

fastweb · 03/07/2011 20:35

but maybe she is just scared

That would have been me. I got nagged at by the assorted nonni to stop helicoptering my then toddler. I let go for the first time ever and he ran like the clapper right behind a swing in motion.

cue all the nonni starting to chunter about "forrin types" who don't watch their children properly.

I'm not sure who cried more, him or me. All the way to ER.

That episode knocked my confidence for six and I was a nervous wreck for a good while after that in playgrounds. Still went, but was very very vigilant even when we were alone.

He is now nearly 11. A dab hand with laundry, the dishwasher and the hoover. Has just started going to the shops without me and is more or less on the same level as his friends in terms of independence.

So please don't worry for the child's future just yet. Give her a minute to find her mummy sea legs, some of us find parenting a mobile child a nightmare after only just having got used to the responsibility of one that just stayed where you put them at best or were fairly easy to catch up with at worst. Especially if they have proved really good at getting themselves clumped in the past.

superjobeespecs · 03/07/2011 20:37

i - slid down wooden board on slide aged 3 and ripped a pound of flesh off my thigh, was hit by a car age 5 after running out of park to see dog, fell off roundabout after bigger kids made it go too fast age 4 split my head climbing into a baby swing age 2...

i was a very clumsy kid and just wanted to make sure DD didnt get hurt and scarred like me :(

have to admit DD and my nephew both look shit scared when they hear my screaming ''BE CAREFUL!!'' every 5 mins but im an overprotective nag

jugglingmug · 03/07/2011 20:41

I'd have been like that with DNephew when he was that age...the fear of making a 'we're on the way to hospital' call to DSis was terrifying!

DD2 was 2 a couple of weeks ago. At the park today I was facebooking reading an important text message and didnt notice her going up the climbing net, Luckily, the mother of a PFB in the park caught her as she let go to wave . As I have become noticeably more relaxed with each child, I think it should be a relief to all that I'm not having a no.4.

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 03/07/2011 21:14

De - I think its the thought of what might happen the one time I take my eye off him - If he fell or hurt himself I don't think I would ever forgive myself ...

I appreciate that I cant wrap him up in cotton wool or stop him from ever getting hurt but I feel like if I do anything other than watch him like a hawk from a very close distance then I am being negligent.

Also - what is a PFB?

superjobeespecs · 03/07/2011 21:55

precious first born

cory · 03/07/2011 22:19

it does sound like a case of pfb

having said that, I was so anxious not to be pfb that I let dd climb on the climbing frame though I knew she couldn't handle the same things as her friends- she ended up unconscious in A&E with the consultant shaking his head over her

eventually, I realised that she did in fact have SN and that extra watchfulness was indicated in her particular case

but that the relaxed approach was still right for her brother

it's about knowing your child

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