Is this reasonable?

[lovelymama]

I'm looking for an honest answer, not sympathy or attention. I just seem to have lost any perspective or ability to judge.

i had implanon (contraceptive implant) fitted 7 months ago and have had almost constant bleeding since having it was fitted, sometimes very light then very heavy. i'm persevering with it for now to give my body a chance to settle in with it. Obviously the bleeding hasn't made me feel particularly good and coupled with the fact that dd is a terrible sleeper and i work full time, i'v not been that up for sex. My DH knows about the bleeding and i mentioned to him that if it keeps going on, we should look for an alternative method of contraception.

I'm not keen on the pill as my life is so hectic that i'm not sure i'd remember to take it. Since we're sure we don't want more kids, i suggested the possibility of Dh having a vasectomy. I could kind of understand his reaction that he was hesitant to do this because he felt it would de-masculate him (men and their manhood - don't really understand it but i accept it), but his 2nd reason shocked me and i was quite offended. He said, if i'm only going to get sex once every month until you hit the menopause, is going through a vasectomy for 60 shags worth it? He couldnn't understand why i was shocked by this. I feel angry with him that he thinks of our sex life like this and it's made me not really like him, even though i love him.

Writing it down makes me sound childish, although i haven't bored you with the rest of the details in our relationship that have resulted in this attitude towards him.

Do you think he was being unreasonable or am i being oversensitive?

Regarding the implant - I tried it and never settled into a rythym, so the dr suggested taking 2 packs of the pill back to back to whack me into some sort of cycle. I went onto the implant because I didn't want kids and wasn't very good at taking the pill. She suggested that if the pill trick didn't work I could look at the patch which has been WONDERFUL. I set a reminder on my phone to change it once a week, and my cycle has never been more stabile.

I think your DH has a point, although the way in which he expressed it was totally unacceptable. Although just because you hit the menopause doesn't mean you never have sex again! And maybe he'd get more than one shag a month if he wasn't so bloody insensitive!

Maybe he'd get more than one shag a month if he had a vasectomy, so his wife would stop bleeding!

It's the sort of thing my dh would have said with laughter and humour and I would have laughed with him. But it sounds like your dh said this in a very unkind and resentful way!

You need to have a chat and tell him you found it hurtful - I'm presuming you have talked about your bleeding and he knows that is why there is a lack of sex and if not why not?

Have you thought about the Mirena - I've had it for 9 years now and it's great for me, no periods and my pmt has gone

Ooooh, OP! YANBU! You've had how many babies? And now you've got this problem (Never had that, but similar). And he said WHAT? Oh, don't think so. Your dh is v unhelpful and behaving like a right arse a bit selfish. He should be trying to find a solution with you to make you both happy. Hope he sees sense soon!

what biddy said
vasectomy and 60 shags or no vasectomy and none!
YANBU

Oh i've made him sound horrible, but he really is mostly a fabulous person, wonderfully sociable, fantastic father....and i love him for all these reasons. It's just this sex thing that's getting in the way of our relationship. And of course this just happens to be the most important thing in a good relationship.

I'm going to talk to my doctor about taking those pills to sort the bleeding out - i'm loathe to start chopping and changing my contraception as i'm quite aware of the effect of all these hormones on my body and i don't want to confuse things too much iyswim.

Once again, thanks for the mixed opinions, it helps me try to see things from his perspective.

Have you considered the depo injection? I was on it for 6 years and would happily still be on it now if I hadn't wanted kids. There was a small risk of osteoporosis if you are on it for years at a time, but as you say you may be near the menopause I wonder if this would be a problem for you? I found it liberating (not to mention saving all that £ on pads/feminax and extra chocolate cake at certain times of the month!) and didn't have any issues other than sore boobs for a day a month. It's an option anyway.
And yes, he was very insensitive and you should address that. It might be something as simple as he misses the intimacy but you need to share how much it hurt before you go further. Good luck!

7 months seems an incredibly long time to be continually bleeding - is this normal side effect and 'settling in' time for that form of contraception? I would be feeling pretty shitty if I had been 'on' for that long, I can't imagine how you have coped with that and wouldn't be surprised if your quite run down as a result (iron levels?)

I honestly wouldn't worry about chopping and changing - could it really be much worse than it is now? Have you tried condoms?

It was a cruel low blow to deflect a suggestion he obviously doesn't want yet. I doubt he really meant it more a heat of the moment thing. Its a heated issue all round!

YANBU, you need to switch contraception (non hormonal) and let your body get back to its normal rhythm. It'll make you feel better too