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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my hubby dis the right thing?

52 replies

badmummy101 · 02/07/2011 09:05

and REALLY didnt deserve a bollocking?
hubby works in a shop. yesterday he saw a little child toddling alone in the store. child looked to him to be about 18 months old. he saw no parents near by so walked up next to her and started to try to talk to her. things like, where is mummy? is daddy with you? whats your name? she just babbled back at him so he carried on beside her making sure she didnt get hit by anything or hurt herself. he called to another member of staff to put out an announcement and carried on with her, looking for anyone who might be a freaked out looking parent. anyway,. she walked up to where the access is too the toilet. the loos are accesses by a swinging door, which has a chest hight window. so if someone pushed the door the girl would have been caught square in the face, or she could have pushed it open and walked into the toilets. hubby picked her up and walked to the customer services desk. put the girl on it and handed her some random teddy to play with. he stood infront of her so she couldnt fall and was high up so easily seen. the dad came running up grabbed the daughter thanked hubby and appologised for not paying attention etc.
hubby then got a total bollocking off another member of staff for picking up the girl. apparently he put himself in a compromised situation. should have called for a female member of staff. and should have not followed her or touched her.
hubby is FUMING.
what do you all think?

OP posts:
Empusa · 02/07/2011 11:59

I used to work for a photography store in their minilab, and we were told that you shouldn't touch and child just in case. However people would leave their children to wander the store and inevitably some children would run behind the counter and in to the lab (where there are some seriously dangerous chemicals). Which meant the only choice I had was to take them out of the lab. Luckily my boss was sensible, but I imagine head office in their infinite wisdom would have had a problem with this.

M0naLisa · 02/07/2011 12:05

Your DH did the right thing.

SNOWBall4girlz · 02/07/2011 12:22

I would be very grateful to your DH as a mum of 4, three were under 5 at one point and this has happened to me.
I think any telling off should have been done in private though too, and do not think he deserved it.

depob · 02/07/2011 15:40

OP tell your DH did the right thing, I am reassured there is some sanity left in the world. Sometimes you have to pay a price for doing the right thing though.

mumblebum · 02/07/2011 16:04

If it were my child I would be eternally grateful to your DH, as I am to the lovely family who rescued my DS when he got lost recently. I hope this doesn't put him off doing the same again.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/07/2011 16:09

Why should he have called a female member of staff? They are just as likely to abuse the child as your DH?

He should write a letter to his supervisor, expressing his disgust, and then let it go. He has no reason to feel shamed or labelled or anything. If it had been my child, I would have been so pleased that your DH stopped her from running into danger.

Indith · 02/07/2011 16:19

And what should he have done witht he toddler while he went to find a member of staff if he was not supposed to touch her? Or was the toddler supposed to stay in the exact same place and not toddle off while he went to hunt downa more appropriate person to deal with the situation? Madness.

I once realised ds was no longer with me, turned around in a panic and saw him happily catching me up holding the hand of a man, not just any man but a black man. I was grateful at the time but obviously I should actually have been worried that he was about to abduct my pretty, blond child to sell on the black market or something.

biddysmama · 02/07/2011 17:08

omg indith a BLACK MAN! the horror, i do hope you hit him with your handbag and screamed whilst clutching your poor traumatised child to your chest!

Grin
PrettyMeerkat · 02/07/2011 17:25

PC fucking madness!

chateauferret · 02/07/2011 17:29

A woman could have done the job but a man not? Equality Act 2010. Sue.

DontCallMeBaby · 02/07/2011 17:46

He did the right thing - and being IN A PUBLIC PLACE with the child only a complete idiot would suggest otherwise. Yes, you can open yourself up to accusations if you touch/pick up children out of sight of others, but in the middle of a shop is pretty safe territory.

It's reassuring that the dad was grateful - at least it's not one of those stories when the parent goes off on one cos someone's had the nerve to touch their little darling.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/07/2011 17:49

Your DH did the right thing and he should speak to management about how the other staff member treated him, plus ask for the company policy to make sure he knows for next time.

Um, Omigawd what the heck have feminists got to do with PC gorn mad? I think you'll find, despite the best efforts of feminists, it's still men making pretty much all the laws.

kaid100 · 02/07/2011 18:22

Political Correctness normally means treating people equally. Saying that all men shouldn't approach lone children even to remove them from danger but women can, is actually not Political Correctness.

ilovesooty · 03/07/2011 00:46

Sounds as though he did the right thing to me.

iscream · 03/07/2011 06:08

He did the right thing. And if this is store policy, then it should be included in the training. The other staff probably think your dh did the right thing as well. What is not the right thing was for that other staff member to speak to your dh like that in front of other people.

Piggles · 03/07/2011 06:19

So your DH should have just let the little girl run off or potentially get whumped and seriously injured by a door?

Good grief, what is the world coming to.

Though if there is some strict stupid policy in place regarding lost children, and it does state that a female member of staff should be called - because of course women are never dangerous to kids Hmm - and children should never be touched then perhaps his actions were not well-considered. But honestly, if there is such a policy in place, then he would probably know about it.

If I was your DH I'd be asking my manager if I could have coped better with the situation, and if I could have coped better - then how. So the manager (assuming they are a normal rational human being and not a jobsworth) will either tell him what the policy would be in that scenario and how he should have acted (so he'd at least know for future reference) or the manager would say he coped fine - at which point I'd be demanding an apoglogy from the thoroughly idiotic PC-mad colleague.

ZonkedOut · 03/07/2011 06:40

Your DH did the right thing, and if it was my DC, I'd hope someone would help in a similar way. I hope we never get to the point where people would rather see a child come into harm than help them for fear of reprisals.

kaid100 · 03/07/2011 08:11

I hope we never get to the point where people would rather see a child come into harm than help them for fear of reprisals.

In fact, there have been cases where something like this has happened. Five or six years ago, a small child escaped unnoticed from a nursery. A male passerby saw her running on her own but didn't approach her thinking he would be accused of trying to abduct her. She later drowned in a nearby pond. www.telegraph.co.uk/education/3352895/Day-of-the-dad-paedophilia-hysteria-leaves-men-afraid-to-help.html

It was when I heard about this story that I realised how crazy things had got. No-one would think it would be right to say that all black people, say, should not intervene in such cases; anyone who did would quite rightly be called a bigot. Why do people think that all men should have to stand back just because there a very few bad men? After all, there are also bad women.

MoreBeta · 03/07/2011 08:35

Well its clear the DH in this case did the right thing on a human level but as a man I would not have done what he did precisely because I KNOW full well there are paranoid stupid people out there.

I would not have picked the little girl up. I would have called a female member of staff. I would have made sure I was in full view of cameras at all times.

Only a few weeks ago I was in a very busy rail station and saw a little girl (about 3) wandering on her own. I kept my eye on her for several minutes and eventually her Dad turned up. I would not have approached her. She was not in immediate danger.

confuseddotcodotuk · 03/07/2011 08:39

Your H did the right thing and sounds lovely! So many people I know have ignored children lost unless specifically told that the child is lost by a parent because they're scared of being seen as a paedo!

If it makes him feel any better, I got bollocked for grabbing a small child who was about to run in front of a pallet being pushed around. Apparently I shouldn't have touched them and let them run in front of it and be hit Hmm

confuseddotcodotuk · 03/07/2011 08:39

I'm a woman btw, which is why I said if it makes you feel better, forgot to add that Blush

TheOriginalFAB · 03/07/2011 08:43

Your dh did the right thing and the person who bollocked him should be disciplined and made to apologise to your husband.

ShellyBoobs · 03/07/2011 10:00

If there really is a policy which dictates that he shouldn't have even followed the child (!), let alone touched her, then how the hell do they expect to protect their customers?

What if the little girl had been allowed to wander off outside and been run over and, god forbid, killed, all while the OP's DH watched from afar?

Madnesss. Utter PC madness.

tinkerbellgotpan · 03/07/2011 10:04

It really pisses me of how men are allways made out to be monsters.

Your husband did the right thing.Good for him for noticing god forbid the Lo could have wondered out into a road or been noticed by the wrong kind of person

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2011 10:11

"JambalayaCodfishPie Sat 02-Jul-11 11:50:47
I have been in this position years ago - when i worked for a chain of family restaurants.

I was coming in to start my shift, and a toddler came running out of the open door. The door leads straight out onto the busiest road in Manchester. I swooped down, picked her up, saying 'oh no you dont' or something along those lines and carried her back into the restaurant.

Got waves of praise and thank you's from parent (flustered mum of three) and an absolute bollocking from the manager. Shouldnt have touched her/picked her up, etc.
"

Did you ask what you should have doine? given that toddlers aren't generally known for following instructions