What do you think of this behaviour?

[Bouviergirl]

Is what I'm feeling justified, or am I out of touch?

I emailed a group of mums and dads from my child's nursery to invite them to a child's birthday party. Everyone but one replied after a few weeks. I wanted to give this particular parent a chance, so I followed up the email with a written invitation card - you know, 'please come to the birthday party of XXX'. The parent still didn't reply. Party is tomorrow, still don't know if this parent and their little girl are coming or not. We see them regularly, at nursery and babygroups.

They don't know whether or not I'm slaving over a hot stove to prepare food for certain numbers.

I find that really rude. Do you? Or have I lost the plot and am in danger of turning into a 'mother in law from hell' type?!

I just think, if you receive an invitation, you reply. It doesn't matter if it's yes, or no, yuo reply. And if you don't want to come, you make something credible up and you lie through your teeth and reply. But, above all, you REPLY!

Can I check if you agree?

At least this has given me a good lesson/headstart in what to expect at schoolage. I need to start lowering my expectations on RSVPs. Things can only get worse it seems...!

Thanks for replies.

I'm shit at lying, so always end up going after all see these people all the time somebody is bound to say "oh she isn't away I saw her in the supermarket and hour ago" oh and my dh usually drops me in it and i've been to enough of these things to know that if you don't go your the one being talked about. I actually usually like staying at older dds parties occasionally because i consider the parents friends and they give me wine.

My rules for parties where adults have to stay should be, (alcohol) food and for the other sibling to be welcomed if they have to come for childcare reasons. having taken 5 yo dd to parties where she had to come and then she wasn't offered any food at all and was so as she didn't understand.

Actually that is rude then if you gave the invite directly to the parent. All it takes is a text/call to say yes or no.

God i should write a book i have ishoos!

I always for get to RSVP. I think most people only RSVP if they are coming.

If you see her most days just ask her

I keep a 'guest list' on my phone and then i add a yes or a no when someone gives me their reply. then i can see who has replied (i'd forget if i didn't write it down i think) and who hasn't. then i say cheerily the week before, 'i'm sure you've told me but i've forgotton, can dear Jonny come to little grey's birthday on saturday?' - the answer is usually no but at least i've checked.
remember though, someone always gets ill on the day and can't come, so you usually have a spare place anyway. Oh and watch out for siblings that come too - ask if you think they might attend, because those kids might want a sandwich and (depending on age) a goody bag too! (then you have to decide if you will provide one, but it always feels mean not to give poor kid some food).

yes please write that book magicmelons, because clearly i need it too!

i'm glad you say that worraliberty, because i think it is rude to some degree and i was in danger of letting them off the hook then!

but maybe they're like Fifis and only RSVP if def coming. We had another RSVP though from someone else who can't come.

I think i'm getting over it though. Group therapy helps with your ishoos!

crikes thanks for the organisational tips greygirl. i'm truly a novice when it comes to these things, have a lot to learn!

i'm trying to rock a baby to sleep, watch wills and kate live on sky in canada, and remember what i was so angry about that caused me to post on MN in the first place and keep up with your replies!

i might be rubbish at children's parties, but i can multiskill with the best of them!

Thank you for thinking i have organisational tips! having parties gets easier the more you go to/organise because you can see what works and what doesn't. I have also learnt to book kids' birthdays 3 months in advance (not to give out invites but to book venue etc)so that i don't worry about what i will be doing. then i give out invites a month in advance.
but i always have tea and coffee for grown ups - might move to wine as kids get older, but soft play areas frown on wine (for some inexplicable reason!).
consider balloons as going home present - they look impressive, not that expensive, no sugar, and no plastic tat to sit around the houe!

yes it's rude. And when my first DC went to primary school I used to rage about it. But in the end you just accept that it happens a lot UNLESS it''s one of those places where you pay per head and then I demand and answer But it took me a while to get assertive.

Magic did you explain you had to bring your dd? This has happened to me and either party host has provided food or if pay per head I have paid for other dc.

Yep, explained and paid entrance to play centre then when kids sat down for food, no food offered even left overs despite her clearly being upset i just took her to another part and bought her some.

it is quite rude. its only polite to respond to an invite. only takes a few mins, a short text surely? often parties have number limits and theres catering to consider. I'd take it as a no and not bother preparing party bags for non responder.

It is inconveient but why don't you give her the benefit of the doubt? You don't know what she may have going on in her life right now, and replying to e-mails might be very far down on her list of priorities.

I forgot to RSVP to a party invitation DS got once. Well I was working 55 hours a week and planning a wedding, so my mind was full up. Little things get forgotten sometimes. Give her a break. It's not like she delibrately didn't reply to wind you up is it?

I never ever answer party invites, tbh i just assume they know im not coming cos i didnt answer!

its rude granted but don't go all mumzilla, (I do a mean mumzilla in the run up to partys so I say this with no malice) just enjoy your dc birthday, I always do extra party bags just in case.

why people can't just say if they don't want to come is a mystery to me though