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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I will be able to cope?

14 replies

MetalSian · 01/07/2011 10:48

So... been meaning to post this for a few days but another thread on having DC2 just spurred me into it.

I have DS, turned 2 last month, I would like to have another DC so that he has a sibling close'ish' in age.

So the big problem to this is I am all set to start a HND in Business in September.
This is classed as full time higher education but will only be one day a week.
DS will be going to the college onsite nursery from 9-6. (First time in any childcare).

If I planned (planned as in loosely, considering anything can happen) to have DC2 at the end of the first year, say get pregnant in October, then if it came around on time it would have 3 months then need to be in nursery with DS one day a week.

Am I completely bonkers to think I can manage to do a Higher Education course whilst 1.Pregnant during first year with 2 year old DS, and 2. 2 DC during 2nd year and hopefully third year to get full honours degree?

My mum thinks I am mad, she has already told me that I won't be able to get a full degree with even just DS around =/.
My parents want me to finish the course first then think about having another child.

I am not sure if I am just being bloody minded about doing it but I would like to be able to have the second DC sooner so that once I finish the degree I would actually be able to get a graduate job, rather than think 'oh shit, I need to have another child now' then wait another 2 or more years, and not be a fresh graduate so people won't want to employ me.

I like to think that isn't me being selfish but I would like to get a decent job to be able to provide better for my family. And another million reasons for having them closer together. Wish I had already had another DC really.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble. Thanks for reading if you got this far.
So am I completely mad? Would I be able to cope?

OP posts:
tazmin · 01/07/2011 10:51

I did my degree when my kids were about 8/9

i think it would be much more manageable if you waited until they were more independent

my view is why flog yourself to death and be exhausted when it can wait a few years

but its your choice

TrilllianAstra · 01/07/2011 10:53

People do manage it.

I don't know if you personally will.

Er, sorry, not much help.

strandedbear · 01/07/2011 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MetalSian · 01/07/2011 11:00

I will be doing the course with DS, no matter what.
I just don't know if I am being an idiot to push it more and have another DC =/.

OP posts:
TotemPole · 01/07/2011 11:09

Won't you have exams in June next year?

What about your OH. What do they think about another child. How supportive are they, will they be able to take time off work if needs be?

Original poster
MetalSian · 01/07/2011 11:22

Yeah I think I will have exams, but I need to check with my course organiser.
There are obviously more details needed.
And planning when to have a child obviously doesn't often work out as planned.

He said yes, then did a U turn last week.
But he is worried about money more than having another kid I think.
He is currently doing a work trial so this time next week he will fingers crossed have a new job.
He is good with DS but I don't think him having time off work would be an option if he gets the job.

I have already managed since DS was under 1 to do an NVQ 2 and 3 in Accountancy (left Sixth Form when I was pregnant so didn't get A levels).
And am currently doing the Level 4 which I am aiming to get done before September. All of which have been done fast track, so instead of taking 3 years has taken 1.5 years.
So no stranger to studying and working hard with a child, but doing so when pregnant/having a small baby AND a 2/3 year old will probably be a whole different kettle of fish.

OP posts:
EverythingInMiniature · 01/07/2011 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetness86 · 01/07/2011 12:00

Its a hard one but you will never regret having another child once its here and you will find a way to study but like others have said you need support from family members especially hubby.
I dont think your being selfish its nice to have them close together I hope you make your mind you soon.

sweetness86 · 01/07/2011 12:01

Its a hard one but you will never regret having another child once its here and you will find a way to study but like others have said you need support from family members especially hubby.
I dont think your being selfish its nice to have them close together I hope you make your mind up soon and decide whats right fo you.

itisnearlysummer · 01/07/2011 12:19

I started my degree when my DS was 18months (and we commuted to university in a different city taking 2 trains each direction 5 days a week) and I started my post grad when my DD was 13 months. I studied with the OU on my maternity leave.

It's was hard work, but there will be no one more committed and harder working on your course than you! I earned a great deal of respect from lecturers because I completed my degree and post grad without any 'extenuating circumstances'.

My mum also said I couldn't do it. I got a first.

If you want it, you can do it. Good luck.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 01/07/2011 12:22

Ah I had 2.5 children whilst doing a PhD and working almost full time - if you really want to do it (but that is the key thing - wanting to do it) you will be fine. Hard but fine.

I found out I was pregnant in the first week and proceeded to be pregnant or breastfeeding throughout the whole thing. I was 5 months pregnant at my viva with a 3 and 1 year old (and also working full time at this point).

You will need to be organised though and prepared to spend evenings reading and stuff. I had very little social life or 'me' time.

Wouldn't change it though Smile

Original poster
MetalSian · 01/07/2011 12:35

I don't have social life anyway. Once DS is in bed I study for 1-2 hours.

And EverythingInMiniature I currently work one day a week aswell, only 5.5 hours in the local Tesco but as they say... 'Every little helps'. Sorry couldn't resist.

I would obviously have maternity leave though for 9months to a year if I did have another.

Peppa I do REALLY want to do it. Very determined, only reason I have done my NVQ's is so that I could get into higher education. I told my dad when pregnant with DS at 17 that I wouldn't ruin my education =].

itsnearlysummer I am glad to hear it is manageable. I will be taking one train, 40 minutes ish to get there but as people have said I think one day a week is manageable.

Thank you all for your support.
I have thought I would manage all along but others have been telling me I am stupid.
Now just for DP to get this job and feel more secure then I can suggest it again =].

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 01/07/2011 13:10

Be completely honest with yourself. Are you a procrastinator? Do you find it easy to get down to work and switch off to other stuff? Do you LOVE the thought of study?

It can be done, but you need to be determined AND organised/proactive.

If you KNOW you are this person (and not just a person who wants to be that person) then go for it.

I think one day a week sounds pretty achievable, though.

PS. Don't do it NOW just to prove a point though. Only do it if it's going to give you a clear advantage.

MsTeak · 01/07/2011 13:21

I just got a 2:1, took me 4 years. I had DC2 4 weeks before the start of 1st year, and DC3 6 weeks into the start of 3rd year. And a serious illness in 4th year.

And I start my Masters in September. Smile Thats a yes from me then.

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