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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think nursery staff are lying?

52 replies

Flojo1979 · 30/06/2011 13:35

..or am I being way too cynical and OTT?
I've posted a couple of times recently about the amount of scratches my DD is coming home with from nursery. In the past 5 wks she has been scratched (red blooded line) by another child (once a wk). I have spoke to nursery staff who said my DD didnt start it, nor retaliate. Nor is she being targetted, nor it is just one child doing the scratching.
I expressed i wasnt happy about it after 3rd time, then wk after yet another incident form to sign and wk after that again. Yesterday when i dropped her off again i told the nursery staff i was unhappy and they assured me they'd keep an extra eye on DD.
Later when i collected her she had 3 scratches down her face and about half a dozen up her arm, but nursery started by telling me, my DD started it and the other child came off worse.
Is this just 2 yr olds being 2 yr olds?
Am i over reacting to think this shouldnt happen so often?
Are they lying to stop me going off on one about it happening again? Or did she start it? If so, has she learnt to fight at nursery after wks of getting scratched herself?
Should i be looking to remove her from nursery? or shrug n say kids will be kids?

OP posts:
bb99 · 30/06/2011 14:06

My ds had a scratching incident at nursery (years ago now) and the staff sent out a letter to all parents, the same day, about getting chns nails cut to appropriate length - he was on the receiving end of a 'toy' incident.

It seems a bit regular etc - ok kids can get rough with each other at this age (and they need to learn how to cope with and intereact with other chn imo), over possession of toys etc, but agree with having a bit more of an official word with the manager - agree with oblomov.

Meglet · 30/06/2011 14:09

I'd be concerned too. My dc's have been at nursery for 3 years and there's only been one biting incident (DD, then 1yo, was chomped by another older baby). I don't think I can recall any scratches from other children at all.

I wonder what the staff are up to if they are letting all that happen Confused.

piprabbit · 30/06/2011 14:09

I would be asking the nursery to send a note out to all parents reminding them to ensure that their children's nails are properly trimmed.

worraliberty · 30/06/2011 14:13

I suggested that on the last two threads pip but it would seem they haven't sent one.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 30/06/2011 14:26

Apparently, after i complained again yesterday morning, they decided instead of following the 2 kids that scratch around they followed my DD. Whilst the staff where only a foot away from her, my DD slapped the other kid cos she stole a toy she decided was hers and the other kid scratched her face. Her key worker finished at lunch time and wasnt aware of the ones on her arm. So it seems that was another incident.
She said it all happened so quick she couldnt stop it.
Not sure what to do.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 30/06/2011 14:32

well, if your DD slapped the other kid then the other kid is bound to retalliate!! Sounds like childs play to me.......not grounds for moving her, esp if she is settled there. Just keep an eye on the situation! Certainly doesnt sound like your DD is being victimised anyway..........maybe she is trying to show some authority and the other kids dont like it.

swash · 30/06/2011 14:33

I think it is strange that she keeps getting scratched. Neither of my dds scratched, and nor did most of my friends' dcs. Surely that must be a particular child or maybe a couple of them.

Both my dds went to nursery (dd for three years, and dd2 for the last two). I don't remember either of them coming home with a scratch from another child, though there have been pushes, hits and bumps. I don't think either of them were bitten now I come to think about it (not at nursery anyway).

So either there is an issue between your dd and another child/couple of children - or the nursery is not very good at encouraging kind behaviour. If it is the former, maybe you could change days? If the latter, I would move her.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 30/06/2011 14:33

When I go back on tuesday I will ask for the letter to be sent, I was told that the 2 scratchers parents have been informed so I expected the first thing they'd do is trim their nails but i guess theres no harm in chasing that up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 30/06/2011 14:38

I did discuss changing the days if there was a particular personality clash between my DD and the scratchers, but i was assured that it was unlikely to make a difference.
My DC1 (now 6) went to nursery (a different one) and was bitten once, I signed a form and that was about the only incident I had to sign, maybe a couple of knocks, but he was there 3 yrs. Since she moved in to the 2-3yr olds room 7 months ago, I have signed it about 9 times. Tho 6 of those r the scratches in the past 5 wks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 30/06/2011 14:39

I see you's are torn too! Its so difficult, half say i should move her, half say its kids being kids. So hard to know what to do.

OP posts:
onebigchocolatemess · 30/06/2011 14:40

I was going to say that, about nail trimming. At my DS's playschool on the odd occasion I have been told to trim his nails as he has scratched someone.

It is odd that it has happened so consistently and increased in volume Hmm but if it were me I would balance it with

  1. how happy I was with the staff, their attitudes, responses
  2. how happy my child was at attending

The best thing to do is talk to the staff and tell them how you feel, that you are worried again and see how you feel after their response. If its not good enough then take her out.

Good luck

TheSecondComing · 30/06/2011 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 30/06/2011 14:48

Staff previously assured me my DD didnt start it. First thing i asked when they gave me first incident to sign is, "what did she do to deserve it?" !!
They say my DD never retaliates either. This time she clearly started it. Maybe my DD has decided shes has enough and decided to get in their first. Who knows.

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 30/06/2011 14:52

Jesus, I have five dcs and none of them have regular scratches or injuries....and not because I care for them (pre school) myself but because they are actually cared for. Seems like your DD, OP, isn't being looked after if the children are all so bored that they're hurting eachother.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 30/06/2011 14:53

I thought that too, TSC.

I'm sure your dd is lovely OP, but what you're telling us reminded me of a little lad who was forever being scratched, grabbed, bashed, whatever. He fell victim to "thugs" (his mother's term) most days.

What she seemed completely blind to however was that he was an utter PITA with a special knack of seriously winding up all the other DCs until they lashed out.

No harm done however - he's delightful now, 8+ years on.

CrapolaDeVille · 30/06/2011 14:53

And it's not the other child/rens fault, it's the crap nursery staff who are obviously busy chatting doing other stuff.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 30/06/2011 14:54

Eeek - x-posts.

I'm not suggesting your dd is anything like the little lad I knew.

TheSecondComing · 30/06/2011 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 30/06/2011 15:02

Shes too clingy to be moved, I'd just keep her home with me and hope that she'd be less clingy in another 6 months. But i'm not sure what to do as she is quite happy there otherwise.

OP posts:
JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 30/06/2011 15:31

I have a 2yo and my brother is just 4mnths older than her, my son is three, sadly scratching (and biting) happened a lot for some time, they did eventually grow out of it but for a while I felt like a referee not a parent! But yanbu

petitepeach · 30/06/2011 15:55

If you are not happy look for another nursery!
My 1dc was sent to a nursery where she was completely miserable when I picked her up...I sneaked in early one day and found her cowering in the corner weeping Angry nobody giving a monkeys about her.....I didn't go back...I found a different nursery where she thrived and still talks about it now at age 8!
My dc2 had gone part time from age 2 is now 3 and had never been scratched or attacked by another child (plenty of bumps to head from falling outside etc..) I would say listen to your intuition...as somebody else has said sounds like they are leaving the kids to it.. a good nursery had the kids absorbed in play etc....good luck Smile

sims2fan · 30/06/2011 16:35

I've worked in nurseries. I've seen good nurseries, and bad nurseries. I unserstand that people have to work, and if so, if they find the right nursery their child can love it there.

But, if someone does not work then I would not advise them to send a child to nursery before the age of 3. Before then children often can't play meaningfully together, find it difficult to share, aren't able to share an adult's attention very easily, etc. A toddler picks up a toy, another toddler wants it so snatches it, first child hits/scratches/pushes etc. It is just what toddlers do, and yes they need to learn how to take turns etc, but it is much easier to teach them that at toddler groups or play dates, where each parent can keep an eye on his/her own child and intervene in any squabbles.

If you really don't want to take her out, though personally I would, then I would ask to go in for a few hours and see how she interacts with other children, and how the staff interact with the children. You might see that she is the one causing the 'fights' or you might find out that there is a little scratcher who for whatever reason is not being monitored closely enough.

worraliberty · 30/06/2011 16:51

Shes too clingy to be moved, I'd just keep her home with me and hope that she'd be less clingy in another 6 months. But i'm not sure what to do as she is quite happy there otherwise

OP, it struck me that you mentioned how 'clingy' she is on the other threads too...but really she is only 2yrs old so why wouldn't she be clingy? She has the rest of her life to become independent.

Why not just take her to a parent toddler group and see how she socialises?

pingu2209 · 30/06/2011 18:20

It isn't about whether they are lying or not, it is the fact you don't trust them. You need to be able to trust your child care. If you don't, you need to move your child to someone/where you can trust.

bigTillyMint · 30/06/2011 18:23

I don't remember either of mine ever coming home with injuries inflicted by other children at nursery.

But they were attacked from time to time at 1 o'clock clubs and playgroups under my supervision Blush