Need help what can i do

[jazy1979]

Me and my elderly neighbor fell out over 4 years ago because we applied for planning permission for a extension. The neighbors set up a petition to stop us from been granted the planning permission and even involved our local MP. We where granted planning permission then the problems began the neighbor phoned the police because we got the planning permission then we had a fire in a fire burner and she rang the fire brigade twice, and continuously called the police on anything we done eg parking the car on a public road.
now the neighbor has rung the police on my 4 and 8 year old stating they intimidate her, However they are not totally innocent they did shot some plastic into her garden and the football goes over .
Yes my 4 year old was in the wrong for shotting plastic into her garden and was disciplined for this and i have stopped them from playing football in our garden to keep the peace.
So the police came saying my 4 and 8 year old where abusive to her (they asked for their ball back in which she said they had to wait for it, hey they kicked it over so there loss). Then she said my 4 year old climbs on our fence and intimidates her (he is not allowed to climb on the fence and is told when he does so).
So then again 2 days later police come knocking again this time she complained about all the previous complaints which had already been dealt with which the children had been told about their behavior, and this time a shoe the boys where playing flip the shoe of your foot and one went over her garden and this resulted in another telling off by the police.
they told me if it continues they will get the harassment unit onto us and they where going to complain to our landlord (i feel judged) we own our home.
What can i do the police have already made their minds up before they get to my home that we are in the wrong and totally bad neighbors.

i get really miffed when people start rattling on about drip feeding as well op, like you are purposefully with holding info or some massive conspiracy. its like people have forgotten how to absorb more than one piece of information.... woman sounds like a nasty old biddy, we use to live next to a couple like this when we were little my mum tried every thing but it didnt matter they always complained about something. they even told our other neighbours we were part of the IRA (newly moved over from ireland) apparently my parents had confided this knowledge to our horrible nosey neighbours. in the end my mum just stopped us playing in the garden because she couldnt take the hassle. your kids have just as much right to play as she has to sit and enjoy her garden and anyone with half a brain knows that from time to time kids balls etc will come over its hardly the end of the world is it. some people just like making other peoples lives miserable for what ever reason.

I don't think drip feeding matters here, we are talking about a 4yo child. SN or not, he is still only 4!

With regards to items going over the fence you do need to try and stop that as much as possible, when they go round does she let them get it back or does she go? The best way would be to let her know what you are trying to reduce it happening but that if items do go over could she pass them back next tome she's in the garden.

Re the police how about calling your local bobby and asking for some advice? I'm sire they don't want to be coming round everytime so would welcome the chance to sort it out.

YANBU

lol reminds me of the old fart we used to have next door

first he was lovely, never used to talk but would buy the boys balls and chuck them over the wall for them

then one day the boys did something, cant remember what and he complained. So we went round with a bar of chocolate to say sorry. He stormed back to our house and literally threw it back in the kids faces, ranting & shouting about he cant be bribed or some such crap.

We never spoke again lol

Go to the police independently and tell them you are being harassed by your neighbour. Get a case number and every time they show up give the police your case number. They'll soon get the drift.

Perhaps a letter from your solicitor stating that your children have every right to play football in your garden, and making it clear you will not let false allegations to the police lie?

Of course his SN matters! My child is 3 and knows not to throw things...the OPs does not and that would be taken into account by a reasonable neighour...but the neighbour sounds old and vulnerable and so it's complicated.

This is an issue. And drip feeding DOES matter....why on earth would one fail to mention something which really puts a different spin on the issue?

I'm out of here. Very odd thread.

i'm not sure why you uare being criticised on here OP. It sounds like you are being very reasonable and doing everything you can. I am really amazed that the police have taken her mad complaints about being intimidated and harassed by small children seriously.

The police seem to be having a knee-jerk reaction that because she is the one who complained, she has right on her side. But in fact you have been far more adversely affected than she has - your kids are now afraid to play in their own house.

I suggest that you write to the head of your local police unit to complain about their behaviour in threatening you with a harassment order -which is totally unreasonable and intimidating behaviour. Set out (1) what her complaints were - ie that they are minor (2) the age and special needs of your children (3) what you have done to address her complaints (4) the threats the police made against you (5) any intimidating actions the neighbour has taken and (6) what the affect (4 + 5) have had on you. Ask for the senior officer whom you write to, to contact you to explain why you have been subjected to this unreasonable behaviour by the police and to guarantee that you will not be subjected to further threats by them on such slender grounds.

Age is not an excuse for your neighbour's horrible behaviour. Unless you can afford to live in a detatched mansion, your neighbours will encroach on you to some extent. My neighbour is 89 and she says she looks forward to the summer every year because she loves hearing the children play outside.

Good luck!

It certainly sounds like your neighbour is being unresonable. I agree with a few of the posters who recommend talking with her and maybe the police/your children too although doesn't seem like this is an option.

I do wonder from some of what you say if maybe your children pick up the bad feeling between you and your neighbours and are a bit less careful about stuff going over the fence as they know you don't like her. Not sure how this could be resolved without everyone talking to each other.

The comments about not building an extension because the neighbours don't like it is just ridiculous! Some neighbours are very unreasonable about what someone else can do with their own property. And usually very selfishly so because they don't want the noise or the builders. Thats why planning permission decides what is and isn't reasonable.

which sarcatsic comment the one which it is my choice to mention whether my son has SN or the one about drip feeding? both very personal and close to home.
inappropriate comments about drip feeding should be used in its rightful context not to be used as a worded weapon to try and belittle somone.

If I were asking about something which involved my child's behaviour, then I would mention that she has ADHD. How else would people know how to consider the points ffs?

Of course it is the OP's right not to mention SN. People who have kids with SN see the kid first and foremost - the SN is a minor detail - especially when the DC is 4.

OP you have my sympathy. She sounds horrible. It is time to fight fire with fire. Get a solicitor and claim that SHE is harrassing YOU.

FWIW I don't speak to my neighbour. She is awful. Sometimes neighbours are.

The best situation you can get now is one where she ignores you and you ignore her. The police shouldn't be so accommodating to her either.

Intimidated by a 4yo?
I'm not sure that balls going over a fence could be called intimidating. He is not likely to big enough to get in her face and physically intimidate her with his presence (he must be what, a little over 3ft tall).
So which bit of your child's behaviour does your neighbour find intimidating? Is he using abusive language, swearing etc.? Does he run at her or give her concerns that she will be tripped in some way? This would be a big concern for an older woman with mobility problems.
The police seem to be taking it reasonably seriously, so what is it that she is accusing your children of doing?

I think there must be more to this than we've heard so far.

Why must there be more? Do you not think that there are people in the world you are just a bit crazed/unpleasant? Glad that your world has been so perfect!
My neighbour is awful and everyone in the street knows it. Some people just are!

She does not come into the garden she stares out of the window watching the kids in the last month i have seen her in the garden once and this is when my son asked politely could we please have our ball back (this is the abuse she is referring to)? My little boy climbs on the fence and she shouts through the window and points (giving him attention) which i feel entices him to do it more. Each time he does it (or when i see him do it) i bring him in and he gets put in the naughty corner because this is unacceptable. Yes i agree she has the right to a quiet and peaceful life but so do i. I should feel comfortable in my own garden without worrying if the police will turn up.
I do not think it is OK for my child to climb or for their toys to go into this ladys garden.

Please note i have not spoke or said a word to this neighbor in 4 years not even a hi she doesn't like me i get the picture.

Because the police seem to be giving more weight to the neigbours complaints than I'd expect them to if they were groundless.

I thought it was probably because she is elderly piprabbit.

OP, my neighbour went through a period of watching us in our garden or putting her children on duty to do it (from an upstairs window as we have high fences). I am afraid I am not as reasonable as you. In our case the argument was over us spraying her 5 cats who were pooing in our garden. Everytime she 'stalked' us, we used to go out with the hose, spraying everything and smiling up and waving at her. It eventually stopped her. My next plan was to go out and snog my husband in the garden until she couldn't bear to watch it. You could also get a camcorder and tape her watching your kids and harrassing them.

I think you are both being a bit unreasonable and this seems to have escalated way above the initial problem.

You say that she seems to forget what it's like to be a kid, well this was a long time ago for her and special needs weren't readily recognised and children were dealt with differently. In the same way as kids are kids, you have to acknowledge that elderly people can't stop being elderly people. They generally don't have as much to occupy their minds and small things can become a huge focus for them. I think it's really sad that these small things you can't stop your son doing have caused her to feel intimidated.

Apologies if you have, but I can't see that you have answered the question of the fence. Can it be made higher or a trellis added to it so that she can't see into your garden and your youngest won't be tempted to climb it. How high is your fence?

Lighting a fire in a fire burner - are you pissing her off on purpose? It sounds like you got what you wanted and to hell with her. No wonder she is picking on everything, you may think your children are polite cherubs but she may see a different side. Where is the give and take on your side especially?

Go and say sorry face to face, put up a larger fence/trellis and watch you kids in the garden more or keep them inside your massive new extension.

How do you think she feels, old lady on her own, a big family next door doing her head in most days? She's hardly the mafia is she? She has not option left than to call the police if you don't talk to her.

Lighting a fire in a fire burner??? oh how shockingly unreasonable!

She sounds a nasty old crank, and I have no idea why the police take it remotely seriously, in fact why they haven't had words about her wasting the emergency services time. As for those saying the OP is unreasonable because her kids kicked a ball over a fence and ohhhh myyyyyyyyyyy three year old wouldn't dream of throwing anything? what do they do with balls? sit and look at them?

She's a loon. Do wot the people on this thread have suggested.