To keep letting him off and giving him more chances?

[MetalSian]

I expect you will all say yes but anyway.

Back story: He moved out last week after and argument, I let him come back on the terms that he tries EXTREMELY hard to sort himself out.
Before this he would spend money out of my account on things he shouldn't without asking me. He lies, pretty much constantly. He has depression and can't hold down a job.

But he is currently on a work trial through Jobcentre for two weeks, with the flu but it still going.

To me this shows he is putting the effort in so I was really happy until about 5 minutes ago...

So I just checked by bank and he has AGAIN spent money out without asking me on computer games.
Just checked his bank account and there are even more.

Is there anyway I can stop this? Or is it best just to tell him to shove off =/?
Don't get me wrong I love him a lot but every time I give him another chance he just fucks up again and again or always has some excuse why.
I feel like I am dealing with another child.

If we had the money to waste it wouldn't bother me but I am always on the edge of being able to pay everything every month and he doesn't seem to care.
Not sure if he is just selfish or has a major problem (more than he already has anyway).

Sorry if this is all over the place, just a bit stressed... again =/.

Tbh I am not really sure how he managed it this time.
As it hasn;t gone through my VerifiedByVisa account.
It also hasn't been done via Paypal (I changed this password a few weeks ago).
So I can only assume it is a website that does it through just the details on your card.

=/

I think you know the answer to this one.

Someone once told me that some men will take advantage of women who let them. It's worth remembering.

I don't think that taking control of joint finances is always the option as there is always the danger that the other party goes behind your back and takes out a credit card you know nothing about

Not all websites use Verified by Visa

You should probably say you lost your card and get a new one which he won't have any details for, otherwise he may keep stealing from you even if you kick him out

a large number of websites don't use verifiedbyvisa.

From my experience I think it depends on the website and whether or not they are signed up to Verified etc.

Very easy to buy stuff online and you don't need to have a pin etc.

But do you really want to be with someone who you have to hide your wallet from and change all your passwords?

I only asked about if he was the father of your child because obviously it is IMO a lot easier to leave someone/kick them out if you don't feel that you are separating a child from his or her parent.

24 is still pretty young - you may find that if you do split up with him, he may eventually start to mature and maybe one day you can try again.

But I think this will take years, not months.

Your partner is a common thief

If it was a stranger who stole money from you, you would report him and he would be prosecuted

Why do you keep letting this man thieve from you ?

You know he will do it again, and yet you continue to hope he will be different

he won't

He will continue to make a mug of you for as long as you let him

the time to wish he will man up and become responsible has long gone

time for you to give him his marching orders (and mean it this time)

let him find some other poor sap to leech off (I gaurantee it won't take him long)

He sounds like a real deadbeat... You are so young, you don't want to spend your whole future like this do you? Subject to theft all the time?

My DH was previously married to someone like your bloke - she ran up thousands in debt and guess who had to foot the bill?

TBH I think even if he does grow up about the reckless spending, which he may well do, it is the lying that worries me. He may just find something else to lie about.

I see it quoted SO often on here, but "when somebody shows you their true self, believe them" - he's a liar and has very little respect for you. That will possibly always be the case even if you change your bank details.

I understand what you are all saying =/.
I think I honestly know it isn't going to change but that doesn't stop me hoping it will =[.

what will it take, sian ?

for you to put an end to this non-relationship ?

he bleeds you dry completely ?

he steals money that was going to feed your dc ?

what ?

that is the way it is going

Why do you expect a different result each time? You're treating him like one of your children. You could be forgiven for that but to treat a supposed partner like this is asking for them to treat you like a doormat. And you are, and he is. Sorry.

He has no respect for you at all. Have some for yourself and dump him for good.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

"Can I really call it fraud though?"
He takes your card from your wallet (without your permission) and uses it on a website that does not uses VerifiedByVisa, taking money from your account WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. If that's not fraud, it's plain unvarnished stealing.

I'd not only kick him out, I'd go to the police.

yes, you can.
it's stealing , full stop.

and what WYLI said.