To be p*ssed off with friends lack of communication?

[Newmummytobe79]

I have a number of friends who just plain ignore texts, emails and facebook direct messages (I?d rather send private messages than have conversations in public) and then when prompted to check if they?re ok/actually received the message I get a load of excuses about how busy they are etc yet they manage to post cr*p on facebook all the time.

We?re a very busy group ? some with kids, some with hectic careers, but I just don?t understand why people can?t take a couple of minutes out of their day to be courteous. I ask them how they are out of genuine concern and expect a response.

I think I?m extra p*ssed off with them as I?m one of the last to be pregnant and I always fussed over them and checked how they were pregnant ? yet they don?t really seem to care how I am.

The latest friend has received a birthday present I sent for her son and I?ve had to chase to find out if it arrived! Rude, rude, rude!

YANBU to want a thank you for the gift, but how long did you give it before chasing? Maybe your friend was inundated with gifts and was planning to send thank you cards but then it slipped - not great, but understandable perhaps.

I totally agree, I have one friend who is just incapable of responding to texts/calls in a timely fashion and it drives me insane. It feels kind of passive aggressive as well, like she is trying to give me the brush off but can't quite bring herself to tell me to my face.
In all fairness though, I think people have very different standards about contact -- some people are incredibly prompt and considerate, others just don't understand why they should be arsed.

i am one of those people i read it and i forget about it, i do mean to reply but i forget if i dont do it right away...but can be honest and say sometimes i dont have my phone right on me sometimes i forget and sometimes i cant be arsed. certain people do get forgotten sort of accidently on purpose.

One of my friends has been ignoring my messages since I told her I was pregnant five weeks ago.

I'm guilty of not replying to texts. I have rubbish mobile signal at home and sometimes can't walk down the road just to send a reply to someone.

My outbox is full of abandoned/unsent texts.

Newmummytobe79 - Of course I thank my friends for gifts but I do it by phone or in person and usually straight away. Your post mentioned several instances so I replied generally.

I hate texting... it's a convenience thing for me, nothing more complicated than, "I'll be home at 8pm" or "What time are we meeting and where?". I don't understand how people can have whole conversations and conduct whole friendships throught text and facebook... I'm o-l-d, I guess...

YANBU to expect a thank you message for a gift, that is totally rude IMHO. However the checking on the pregnancy, it just sounds a little stifling if it's more than a congrats, are you well etc?

Perhaps they were the type of women who didn't want you checking constantly? I know I didn't like the attention and constant baby chitchat, i had a job and a life other than that, and i wanted to enjoy it before it went up in smoke for a while!

My mate thanked me for just being normal about it, and not gushing, tummy rubbing, wanting all the detail, as she felt she stopped being a human in her own right!

Also TBH, once you've done the pregnancy thing, it gets a bit, well boring. They are probably onto the next stage now....whether that be weaning, walking talking, schooling, that is relevant to the childs age.

My uni buddy had a baby 6 months before me, and we have remained the closest because we always have the same thing in common with our ds's and they play well together and allow us to catchup. Plus we have the same outlook, career, family, etc and aren't baby bores as some of my friends have become (not that i am implying you are, just saying people react differently).

It might be a good idea to reach out of your social circle, NCT groups are where people make a lot of good friends as you are experiencing the same things at the same time? MN meets in your locality?

It's hard, but you do grow out of friendships, and you should grow out of "duty" friendships, which it sounds like these are becoming. I had a male best mate, for 20 years, we travelled the world together, once he met someone he dropped me like a sack of spuds! It was hard, but i have made close adult friendships that i think have more longevity and support. Strangely enough my closest mate is a gay ex colleague and his partner, we are so different, yet so close!

I think you do have to cut a bit of slack too, it is soo hard keeping a family, career, marriage on constant boil and trying to keep up contact with others doing the same! Sometimes I get a card and realise that it's been behind the breadbin for 4 weeks! Ouch

wow - well I have to say I'm quite shocked by some responses. I would have thought the odd how are you/hope everything in your life is ok/I havn't forgot about you type of messages/emails and facebook messages were perfectly normal yet it seems that 'life' gets in the way of friendships now. It's been over 12 weeks since we've seen each other/been in proper contact and I class that as quite a long time - especially for a group of girls who used to go out weekly.

As for the pregnancy - as we've only seen each other once since I've been pregnant, I also would have thought the odd 'I havn't forgotten about you' text/message would also be normal.

Maybe it's not and I expect too much - therefore I shall expand my circle and make an effort to see those who do contact me on a more regular basis.

This thread has certainly opened my eyes to what some people expect from friendships.

YANBU at all. I'm going through a similar sort of thing with some old and new friends at the mo.

I totally understand how u feel but thinking back to my pregnancy I remember how much effort some of my friends made as was going through a rough time back then. I was soooo greatful to them and felt quite sad and disheartened at my so-called other friends that couldnt be bothered with me!

I also remember how stressed and up and down my hormones were at the time. I'm not using that as an excuse but it was part of the problem as I would easily get upset over something silly like not returning a phonecall whereas now it might upset me a bit but I just get on with things and get over it!

We all go through experiences in life. Some people have the balance of getting on with everyday life and keeping in touch but not everyone can do this. Also I believe that some people are great in helping us as we go through a certain time/change in our life and as much as we'll always be greatful for it and remember how much their time/care/shoulder to cry on was well needed - we all grow and climb different ladders ending up in opposite directions at times where we may not feel as close as we did before.
So at that special time when your friends did need u and u where there and now its ur time - they'll either be there for you or you'll find other friends who will help you understand and create even more new friendships and with wonderful experiences that may be better than before!

Hope it all sorts itself out in time! And if you ever need an online mumsnet friend - I'm here! :)

Yanbu op and I hear you!

Give your husband's friends wives a chance too, you will make new friends and if you are with an nct group this is a great way to meet new friends who will be going through the same stages of pg as you. You sound lovely and thoughtful and hopefully they will learn to be more thoughtful too x

OP, you sound like really hard work.

Thanks hairfullofsnakes and diamond2101 :)

Wow - glad you're not my friend Tchootnika! You sound like a cold fish!

Whereabouts are you op?!

Yes, some people are very very cold - I hav to admit it seems a bit like a cultural thing (I am from a mediteranean culture) and I have found people from other cultural backgrounds more friendly than British people sometimes!