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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have be so upset about my bitchy SIL saying I should get married

52 replies

Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 22:49

I don't see eye to eye with DP family, our DD is 6 and we are happy as we are neither of us want to get married, now SIL whos planning her wedding is saying we should have got married before DD was born and that everyone wants to get married. Well we don't. If it ever happened we would sod off to a registry office with just us.

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 27/06/2011 22:52

Well, YANBU obviously.

You could say, 'That's okay, we don't feel the need to get all grabby and ask for gifts' [passive aggressive smiley]

Casmama · 27/06/2011 22:55

I don't understand why you are so upset if there is no truth to her thinking that you want to get married. If you don't, thats fine and its really none of her business but if for example someone said to me "you really want 10 children" I would think thats not true but it wouldn't upset me as its just wrong.

WhoAteMySnickers · 27/06/2011 22:55

Are you sure you don't want to get married? Because it seems to me that if you were really happy with your joint decision not to get married then her comment would be water off a ducks back or at the most just very mildly irritating Grin

ifancyashandy · 27/06/2011 22:57

Meh, she wants everyone to get married in order her choices are validated. Pity her. She does not have the courage of her convictions.

AgentZigzag · 27/06/2011 23:00

Well it's a bit late for her to be bringing it up when your DD's 6 isn't it?? Grin

Is she saying it because she wants everyone to be as happy as she is getting married? Or is she casting a moral judgement that you've somehow done your DD a wrong by not getting hitched?

Did she say it to you herself, or did it come through a third party?

Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:01

I got pissed off at her insistence that every woman finds the need to get married, when I said well I don't ( been there before) it was the way she said all women want this and want the dress. I said they don't your talking out of your ass. I said I'm happy for you but don't shove it down my throat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:03

Agent she said it to me tonight and she does get on the moral highground she thinks me and DP are "bloody" hippies. She would never have a child out of wedlock. Pah!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/06/2011 23:10

I can't see any constructive reason for someone to say to you 'You should have got married 6 years ago', what is she hoping to gain from you knowing she thinks that?

Unless she believes she could influence such a personal decision as getting married?

As if you're going to have a lifelong guilt for not marrying sooner, and suddenly have a lightbulb moment and want to get married because she's told you to Grin

LittleJennyRobyn · 27/06/2011 23:13

Dont let her wind you up, i have had all kinds of bitchy comments from Dh's family over the years.

With the absolute corker SIL came out with to DH " isn't it about time Jenny got a job!!"
DH just laughed at her due to the fact that SIL has been claiming invalidity benefit for the last 25 years for a "supposed" bad back, Dh said she developed the bad back so she didn't have to go out to work!!

i think shes jealous cause i dont need to work and probably thinks i've been sponging of dh for the last 18 years despite bring up 5 kids!!!!!

.....and thats exactly what we did buggered off and got married with DD and Ds cause i couldn't bear any of them to be at the wedding Grin

you do what you want and take great pleasure in the fact you are happy in your relationship. Smile

Seriously dont let it get you down....it took me a long time to realise that it was thier problem and not mine.....now i dont't give a shit, the comments go straight over the top of my head!!!!!

TheSecondComing · 27/06/2011 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:18

I shouldn't let her wind me up but she does, with her fake tan and perfect fake nails.
She did go as far years ago to call DD a "bastard" as she was concieved before wedlock, we didn't speak for 2 years.

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 27/06/2011 23:19

Dp and I are 25 (and a half now) years in now and we are not married.

We have three delightful children who are all doing fine despite our unmarried status.

I might just add that DP did ask me to marry him in our 'early days' and i said no.

My shit.

Our commitment was to ourselves and our DC when they came along.

I would not change a thing....even though our DC have very few friends who still have 'together parents'.

And i can count those parents on one hand.

reelingintheyears · 27/06/2011 23:21

As for the 'bloody' hippies stuff.

Yeah. Grin

Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:26

I think that too once you have a child together you've made that commitment me and DP have both said that. We are as mad about each other as we was 8 years ago when we met.
We are more rockers than hippies Grin

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/06/2011 23:28

'She did go as far years ago to call DD a "bastard"'

I'm surprised you speak to her now tbh, all credit to you for getting your head round that one enough to even look at her again.

Where do you think she gets her moral superiority/'everyone must conform with my rules and I'll tell them if they don't', from?

Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:34

I think it's from DP catholic parents tbh. I only speak to SIL to keep the peace amongst the family, I don't hate but I don't like her I think she's rather sad. But she can't be that bloody "catholic" she's had sex before marriage and not with hubby to be Grin I've told her that too. I said don't preach to me when you don't follow it yourself.

OP posts:
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 27/06/2011 23:35

Why not try reverse psychology? Simply tell her you're so convinced by her non argument that it'll be wonderful to make her wedding a double.

Check out wedding dresses on eBay, pick a big meringue to print off and show her, say that you're sure it will complement her dress and that you've chosen acid yellow or bright garish red for your bridesmaids.

Discuss the merits of crocque en bouche or chocolate wedding cake, and enthuse about funky place settings and invitations.

Pre-supposing your dd has not been baptised, ensure that her joy is unconfined by announcing that as soon as you've all signed the register, there'll be a christening.

Hopefully it'll be some time before she starts banging the same old drum again.

LittleJennyRobyn · 27/06/2011 23:37

MIL also stated to anyone that would listen that we weren't properly married because she wasn't invited!!
I took great pleasure in that {childish i know}......i havent spoken to any of Dh's sisters in years....it's great, and was the best thing i could have done, i don't need people like that in my life.
if Dh wants to see them thats fine just means that i don't have to listen to thier drivel.

By the way one of sil's has bleach blonde hair, fake tan, fake nails and make up thats troweled on so much so her skin is really bad which she tries to cover with more make up.....it's really not a good look.

i know its hard but if you think about it too much it will eat away at you, you need to try to be the bigger person. Is she really worth so much headspace?

Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:40

That's a good idea izzy I want a flurocent bright pink one totally

OP posts:
Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:42

Your right Jenny shes not worth it, she just bloody winds me up

OP posts:
worraliberty · 27/06/2011 23:49

Why would her choosing to wear fake tan and have perfect nails wind you up?

reelingintheyears · 27/06/2011 23:51

Do you know what?....

I don't give a flying fuck about people/outlaws who make disparaging/nasty remarks about my DC.

I love my DC and my DP and the rest can go fuck.

You don't have to get into a row......just ignore them.

They'll soon be creeping around wanting to see the GC.

And all you need to do is be nice.

On your own terms.

Original poster
Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 23:51

It wasn't her fake tan and nails it was the marriage thingy.
Actually it's the whole package she's one big wind up. I need to start avoiding at all costs Grin

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 27/06/2011 23:53

Fake tan and fake nails are awful....

Who cares?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 28/06/2011 00:17

I can highly recommend avoidance therapy Rockerchic, it always works a treat for me Grin

Are you on the guest list, or will you be watching from outside the church with a large bag of particularly gritty weevil-ridden rice to hurl at the happy couple?

Unless you avoid the sad cow your dsil you're going to have to endure the album/snaps/dvd of the entire event, plus sit through a running commentary of the honeymoon.

There's only one thing for it - sabotage. Nearer the time ask here for suggestions as to how you can blamelessly engineer a right royal punch up at the reception/evening do.

You'll then be able to refer to the debacle every time she starts banging on about her wonderful day, and asking why you aren't planning on having one.