To say something to DSis AGAIN about the way she treats our parents?

[RevoltingPeasant]

Okay, strongly suspect I am going to be told YABU, MYOB etc.

But, here goes...

DSis is 21 going on 22. Our dad has a horrible temper (is emotionally abusive, pretty much) and as the youngest, she was subjected to him more than the rest of us after us older lot left home. She was also bullied at school, so her teen years were pretty rough.

She got really into conforming and being accepted at school, I suspect to compensate: went from being against drinking in principle to going out every weekend, having lots of boyfriends, bunking off schoolwork etc. She also put on a lot of weight, to the extent that it's giving her health problems (I don't judge, but I am worried about her).

So that's the background. Last week she came home from uni. Since then, according to my mum, she has a) not made any attempt to get a job despite the fact that my mum is under financial pressure; b) socialised every single day instead; c) asked my mum for money to do so; and d) not been to see my dad ONCE (he lives 0.25 miles away) despite the fact that he has just had a double hip replacement and is funding her degree.

I get that she's had a rough time. But IMO, you don't not-work and expect other people to fund your social life. And you don't take thousands of pounds off someone to fund an optional degree if you are then going to ignore them. In the past, when I've talked to her about this, she has agreed with me but not really done anything about it.

AIBU to try again when I see her being so disrespectful to my parents, who have health/ money issues?

Oh, I'm sorry you're leaving ... I really hope I didn't upset you. I can totally understand feeling caught between your sister and your parents - and it is natural to want to help your mum here.

I just felt some of the things you were saying rang bells for me and I wondered how the situation was ... I may have been reading too much of my own stuff into this, so I really hope I didn't overstep boundaries.

Hope you sort things out ok with your sister.

The water gets less muddy... you're in competition with your sister. You don't want her to get off easier than you did. You want her to grovel to your abusive df in the same way that you felt obliged to - that must have cost you a hell of a lot if you're still having arguments with the man in your head 10 years on.

Are you hoping that your df will recant all the hurtful things he said to you and raise you up to be his favourite child, or be prouder of you than your sibling(s)? After all, you're so resepectful towards him, and so very concerned for his health and wallet that surely he can see that you're the only one of his offpsring worthy of his favour?

Be careful; be very careful because, if you continue down the destructive road of self-righteousness you could turn out to be a chip off the old block.

Bitterness is not a good look, and I'm sure you're aware that your present thoughts on this matter are unworthy of you. Nor are they set in stone - you can choose to change them in a heartbeat.

Your parents are the past; you and your sister are the future. As you were such a high-flyer I have no doubt that you're now well set up, and in a position to help your sis out if your df turns of the financial tap.

Or even turns it 'off'.