to think this was a rubbish excuse?

[moonsquirter]

DH and I did a big family party at the weekend for DSS's fifth and DS's first birthdays. Grandparents, aunts and uncles all came if they weren't actually on holiday, including 7 hour round trip for my DSis and her partner to come. Lovely. Except SIL who phoned in the morning to say she, BIL and their 1yr old twins weren't coming because one DN was teething and his crying out in the night had woken her for a few nights in a row (DN didn't actually wake up and SIL didn't need to get up to go to him). So, too tired for BIL to drive them all 45mins to us...

Tbh, I didn't really mind as it was all quite chaotic anyway with not much space and I find SIL quite dull but she didn't help matters by smugly telling me that being woken in the night was quite a surprise as the twins have slept through since 7 weeks old. My DS regularly wakes in the night for a feed, I work and have two other children - but still made the effort to personally deliver presents to the DNs on their birthday then go to their party. AIBU though to think that if she couldn't be bothered, she could have at least made up a more convincing reason??

DH is very pissed off, especially as she suggested that, to make up for not seeing them, we could spend a Friday visiting them. I reminded her that I am back at work (although she already knows DH works, knows that DD is at school and knows that we only have DSS staying with us at weekends) to which she replied that perhaps we could take a long weekend... WTF?? Why would we want to use our precious holiday (ignoring the fact that we couldn't take DD or DSS) on seeing someone that thinks so little of our childrens' birthday celebrations that they can't go to any effort at all?

She clearly expected sympathy when she called to cancel though and obviously saw herself as gracious hostess when suggesting the replacement return visit - am I missing something, or does she really not give a shit about anyone else's convenience but her own??

I am surprised you are so upset. If I had £1 for every time friends or family cancelled on my events I would very wealthy. I just think it's part and parcel of the culture we have these days. It gets worse when you have kids as they are the excuse. It's a bit like in London when you know it is fine to turn late to everything as the train/traffic/underground has probably been a nightmare that day so bingo that's your excuse. I find that most people rarely make an effort - birthdays, weddings, even funerals. I'm not sure why this is maybe cos we are all wrapped up in ourselves and have lost the bigger sense of being part of a community.

I bet we all remember our mums telling us we have to sometimes do things we don't want to (like having an unpopular friend at your party). Nobody bothers anymore.

YABU and a bit precious. It's a birthday party, not the event of the season. At least your SIL phoned you and told you she wouldn't be coming. My experience is that people tend to RSVP and then just don't turn up. If she was tired and her kids were feeling grumpy and you were short on space, then it probably isn't a bad thing that they didn't come. To be frank, it sounds like you just don't like SIL, are hugely over-analysing everything and looking for another reason to dislike her.

OR maybe she'd just had a miscarriage and didn't want to tell you about it. Maybe she's got a boil on her arse and couldn't sit down properly. Maybe one of the twins had painted themselves blue with permanent marker. Whatever. She had the manners to let you know they weren't coming, at least have the grace to accept her reasons, whatever you might feel about them.

Also, you said that you "didn't really mind", so what's the problem?

YABU to expect everyone to put the same effort into other people's birthdays as you do. She has her own priorities, which don't chime with yours - it's annoying when you put yourself out for someone else who then doesn't return the favour but that just means they are different and do things differently.

TBH, I'd be a bit peed off as well if I'd put a lot of effort into doing things for her DC and then have her appearing to dismiss my DC as unimportant - but she might have valid reasons for not coming to their big party, who knows.

If your DH is pissed off (presume it's his sister?) why doesn't HE have a word with her about it?