To think that when 'friends' on FB *and* and the same forum takes away honesty and genuine responses?

[JoySzasz]

Sorry for long title.

I am an active member of another message forum,many most of us are also FB friends.

Through this,(obviously) we learn a lot more about each other/see pics...and 'know' them a bit better.

When a topic comes up that one of us feels strongly about,there it is...in a status up-date! It is always a topic that has been raised by a non FB friend/forum member.

Cue many responses ...and 'friends' up-dating about how they will sort this out,say this ...give this opinion etc...

I know it goes on all the time here too,I am not part of any MN cliques ...but have watched threads play out here in the same way. BACK-UP etc...

I think that once one becomes friends elsewhere,loyalty to the friend(that is now known better) tarnishes real responses and unfortunately gives the op a much harder time.

Or,someone just chimes in to give support not usually caring either way but almost just saying "hi" IYSWIM?

This is not a dig at MN at all,I have seen it here. but I am thinking mainly (however) about the other forum I participate in most. I think that once the invisibility of the poster has been removed the honesty does too!

I'm happy to disagree with my friends, even in real life, if they express an opinion on something that I don't agree with. Doesn't everyone?

I agree with Maryz

If you were responding to my post, Trillian, and I'm fully prepared to accept that you weren't - I don't believe that politeness should exclude honesty either. But it changes the way you express honesty (well it does for me anyway). My opinion doesn't change but the way I express it does - a friend in RL asks me if I like the dress she is wearing - I don't, it's hideous but I won't tell her that, I'll say something like "it's not really my thing, the colour's all wrong for me but if you like it" - whereas on here, if it's S&B I'll just say "no, it's hideous".

I wasn't specifically responding to you thumbwitch , just to the thread in general. :)

If a friend was showing me a dress she was thinking of buying (the closest analogue to a "what do you think of this?" thread) I would happily tell her it was hideous and think myself a good friend for saving her from having bought a hideous dress :o If she's already bought it and is wearing it (so can't take it back) then more diplomacy is required.

I think the safest thing is to not be friends with ANYONE, not on the internet, not on facebook and not in real life. It's the only way you'll stay safe.

This is why anonymity (or however you spell it) is the way forwards!

I'm not on FB and have no desire to be. I also am not all that interested in making friends from here IRL, even though I'm on here a fair bit and I like a few of you. I do like the anonymity.

Wow! I don't know anyone on MN in RL. Or at least I think I don't...

I have quite a few MNers as FB friends.

I try to keep my MN and FB events separate as much as I can, but there is inevitably a crossover. I like to think that I wouldn't put anything on either I would be too cowardly to back up/ stand by.

I think that not only does honesty suffer, but also, openess. There are things we post on an Internet forum which are amazingly intimate - our birth experiences (and injuries) for example, rants about sleep deprivation and piles, a good moan about our partners etc. And given very little effort, all of that could be parcelled up and mailed to our relatives, who happen to have the same surname! Hideous!

There are, sadly, some very weird and vindictive people out there.