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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cry on my birthday...........every year.........

49 replies

whysolate · 25/06/2011 21:14

...for the last 12 years?

I'm not much of a cryer, or a mierable sod, but I always feel sad on my birthday. WHY?

I am already worrying about it for this year.

AIBU?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 25/06/2011 21:51

No you're not an ungrateful bitch at all OP.

It's just something that was personal to me so it changed my perspective.

I'm fully aware that for other people it's like saying "There are people starving in Africa" when they don't want to finish their dinner.

It may be true, but it doesn't make the individual person feel any different.

willowstar · 25/06/2011 21:52

I am the same and I really don't know why. I just get very very very very down around my birthday and usually cry and just feel utterly miserable around it. I don't come from a family who make a fuss about birthdays, don't usually get presents, not even from my husband...never been on a night out for my birthday or anything and I don't tell work colleagues or anything. I struggle with it big time! there is a song by Blur called 'its my birthday' or something similar that I used to listen to when I was in my late teens, just made it worse!

DawnTiggaWantsALlama · 25/06/2011 21:52

Depends on the reasons, I remember (every birthday I can remember) being made to cry by my parents for one reason or another until I was 28.

BirthdaysAreMUCHBetterWithMrTiggaTiggaxx

lookbutdonttouch · 25/06/2011 21:56

I'm with stickyfloor. Every year for as long as I can remember going back to childhood and am only early thirties.

I try to pull myself up and do the going out with the girls, the smiling through family stuff, the letting DD help me blow my candles out but dear God, inside I just want to sob 'is this it?' and get under the duvet with a bottle of wine.

Original poster
whysolate · 25/06/2011 21:56

Do you really think that's it DoMeDon? They only went there for 5 years. There was a lot of stuff went on in that time though and I wished they were in the UK

Maybe it's just become a habit.

OP posts:
Original poster
whysolate · 25/06/2011 22:00

Sorry, it took me over 5 minutes to write that last post. some of my neighbours were arguing in the street and I had to listen just couldn't concentrate! Grin

OP posts:
said · 25/06/2011 22:01

yanbu at all. Nothing much to do with getting older. For me, since my own mother died, I find it all overwhelming.

DoMeDon · 25/06/2011 22:02

Maybe - thing is you can decide to feel differently if you want to. Planty hate birthdays so you're not alone - just seems a shame to spend time crying and miss out on a chance to celebrate you.

LadyWord · 25/06/2011 22:03

I don't like it much - I hate being the centre of attention generally, so birthdays make me feel embarrassed. Presents and cake home with DP and DC is nice but any hint of a big to do and I want to hide.

It's not so much about getting older. I cannot possibly be 41 anyway

But hey it's not as bad as Christmas! :o

Crossssssshairs · 25/06/2011 22:05

I think Birthdays are about doing what you enjoy, wether thats having a huge party or sitting about in your pj's all day. :)

Original poster
whysolate · 25/06/2011 22:08

Sorry Said. I have no right to feel sorry for myself on my birthday. I am going to get a grip.

This year is going to be different. Different I tell ya!

I like christmas LadyWord because the focus isn't on me. I can make sure everyone else is having a good time!

OP posts:
Crossssssshairs · 25/06/2011 22:11

Also if you like feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for yourself. Your birthday, your rules!

queenmaeve · 25/06/2011 22:22

yanbu. I feel teary at birthdays. I hate the thought of annother year beig over. I love my life so much, I would just like to freeze it Grin I was always the same, even as as child I hated leaving each teacher and now as a teacher I hate to see a class leave at the end of the year. I don't do change very well. Now that I have dc's it terrifies me how quickly birthdays come around. Sad

bubaluchy · 14/07/2011 20:48

I do too! I think its because you focus on your self all day

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 14/07/2011 22:23

YANBU.

It's your party and you can cry if you want to!

SpecialFriedRice · 14/07/2011 22:43

YANBU

I cry every year too. Once everything has settled down and I'm on my own in the evening (usually after a nice day or meal out) I have a little cry. No idea why I cry.

Same with hogmany. I watch it on TV and once the bells go and everyone is singing Auld Lang Syne I have a good cry.

Its probably time passing that bothers me. The years pass all too quickly and I'll be gone before I know it. Not something you notice when you're a teenager.

Jenstar21 · 15/07/2011 00:22

Oh my! There are others out there like me!! I get really worried and upset around my birthday too (and New Year). I don't get the whole big fuss for birthdays. I would like to ignore them completely, and never have gotten any older than 28. So, if you are unreasonable, so am I!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 15/07/2011 04:16

I've outlived my sister too. I don't cry on my birthday, but I always shed tears on hers.

I love Christmas but I always well up when we toast 'absent friends' after saying grace, but I totally pig out always manage to swallow a few mouthfuls of the festive feast for form's sake

Hevian · 15/07/2011 04:30

YABU - be thankful for birthdays. The alternative is not good.

ThumbsNoseAtSnapewitch · 15/07/2011 04:36

Perhaps if you discuss it with your family and say you'd like to try something different this year - a bit of fuss would be nice after all.

People do often take you at your word, when perhaps unconsciously you are hoping that they will make a fuss anyway, you just don't want to ask for one. Most people aren't mind readers and it's even harder when you're kidding yourself as well! But apart from the associated loss feelings (which are doubtless a part of it), it appears that you are disappointed that your birthday isn't a bit of a celebration - because that's what you asked for.

So - ask for something different and see what happens. :)

:( for everyone who lost family etc. - my mum died 11 days before my 40th birthday, so I understand a bit. It was a very subdued birthday, that one. :(

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 15/07/2011 04:42

Hat's off to you Jenstar. You've raised the bar, or lowered it as the case may be.

Women of the Western world unite! 35 is the new 70.

Original poster
whysolate · 15/07/2011 23:22

It was on the 6th July. I didn't cry!!! Although I wasn't in the best of moods.

Oh, don't get me started on "Auld Lang Syne" SpecialFriedRice and Jenstar*

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 15/07/2011 23:27

I have always loathed my birthday - I don't cry, but hate celebrating it. I wish people would just forget about it tbh. It's nott because of getting older, it is because of years not having a nice family to celebrate it with.

However, I love and adore Christmas and new year, and really love dd's birthday.

But wish could just spend all of my birthday in bed and sleep through it. I keep my mouth shut for dp and dd's sake because I know they want to celebrate it etc.

queenmaeve · 16/07/2011 00:26

I do this too. I hate change, hate new years too.

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