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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder what you DO with children at weddings?

56 replies

LiegeAndLief · 25/06/2011 21:09

We have been invited as a family to a very good friend's wedding (2 dc aged 4 and 2). It would be lovely for us all to go as we have no one to take the dcs all day, so if we left them behind I would have to go on my own.

However... there will be no other kids there and although it has been a while since I went to a wedding I seem to remember rather a lot of standing around drinking and chatting. And sitting still being quiet in the church. Obviously we can take loads of books and toys etc, and the children are generally pretty well behaved so not likely to run around screaming, but I'm starting to wonder whether it will be more trouble than it's worth and they will get under everyone's feet all day. So if you have taken your kids to a wedding with no one to play with and no entertainment etc laid on, did you regret it?! Any tips for making it easier?

OP posts:

redexpat · 25/06/2011 22:02

I got married in october. The most fun part of the planning was getting activity packs for the kids. They all had a colouring book, stickers, colouring pencils, a water tattoo, a balloon, and something to keep their hands busy - the boys got rubber toads and the girls got (I'm not sure what they're called) those flurescent rubber pom pom things that flash. We barely noticed them all night.

ChaoticAngelinLimbo · 25/06/2011 22:15

"I think perhaps back then, children were just 'expected' to behave so they mostly did."

You seem to have the same memories as me Worra :) I didn't go to many weddings as a child but where ever I was taken be it formal/informal I was expected to behave myself without toys to keep me quiet.

OP, as has been suggested quiet toys/snacks and maybe get your DH to take them out during the speeches. Hopefully they'll be able to let off steam while the photos are being taken.

PartialToACupOfMilo · 25/06/2011 22:26

My dh took our dd to a wedding of a friend of his last weekend and it was fine. The wedding was on a Friday and I had to work so they went on their own and dd was the only child there, she's 18 months old btw.

Dh had to take her out once during the service - she managed the half an hour wait for the bride to arrive fine, but couldn't manage any longer! Photos etc was fine as she just pottered around picking up stones and enjoyed everyone telling her how pretty she looked. She ate all of her dinner (although dh had to give her snacks beforehand as they didn't have meal until about 3pm and she usually eats by 1pm). I joined them after work and dh picked me up from the nearest station. dd had a sleep in the car on the way to pick me up and they missed the speeches - success all round

In the evening she danced and ran around and generally had a fab time. In the evening there were also a couple of other children around so that helped. We stayed over at the hotel and I went to bed at 10pm when she did, dh stayed up - worked well as they were all his friends and I was knackered after a week at work.

A late night meant she slept later in the morning too.

mummytime · 25/06/2011 22:35

My kids have always been fine at weddings. I usually wear out little ones, so they have slept through a few, 7 year old slept through part of the meal last year. If it was going to be really long and boring, I might take some colouring or drawing. I'd also try to get a seat where I could slip out.

But my kids are well trained, and know when they really have to behave.

BTW I have often attended weddings pretty much on may own, as DH often plays the organ. And at least one where we didn't know anyone except the father of the bride.

2rebecca · 25/06/2011 22:46

Sit quietly with them during the wedding, take them out if they won't keep quiet. Take a change of clothing for after the wedding bit so they can run around and be comfortable.

Depends alot on type of wedding. If dancing then they'll have fun. If just long meal then home they'll be bored and I might be inclined not to take them. The venue and weather affects things alot. 1 wedding was very formal but had huge grounds so as youngest was only 3 or 4 we took it in turns to sit and eat the end of the meal/ speeches whilst the other watched the kids run around in the sun outside after they had eaten their dinners.

NorksAreMessy · 25/06/2011 22:53

Weddings are generally sooooooo boring, that a few DCs liven up the proceedings no end.
I love to see tiny children dancing on their Dad's feet. Little boys skidding across the floor, little girls asleep in their best frocks, brides bending down to talk to tiny DCs.
Take them! Children are mostly fun.

( but take an entire suitcase full of toys, clothes, wipes, potties, more toys, emergency food, a DVD player and an uncle who does magic tricks)

Shoesytwoesy · 25/06/2011 22:56

just a word of warning, imo weddings have changed, they seem to have a big bit where you wait whilst the happy couple have lodas of photos taken, now yours might not be like that, but we had to wait ages for it to get going, so take snacks.....

Laquitar · 25/06/2011 23:11

Do you all give your dcs snacks during the ceremony? In the church??

Cheese and onion crisps?

What is this obsession with 'snacks' and colouring books everywhere?

NorksAreMessy · 25/06/2011 23:12

Raisins are quiet and tricky to get out of the box, so take a while

Laquitar · 25/06/2011 23:16

Ah, i was imagining crisps, hummus and breadsticks, etc

NorksAreMessy · 25/06/2011 23:25

...and a roast goose, some tapas, a peking duck, sizzling beef satay, a candyfloss machine and a barbecue?

Nope, just some raisins

Laquitar · 25/06/2011 23:29

I have an image of mnetters going into church with picnick rugs.

Mmmm peking duck!!

worraliberty · 25/06/2011 23:31

I must admit I don't get the 'snacking' on here at all.

Do people really use food as a way to quieten their children nowdays?

I don't mean to sound 'judgey' I'm just suprised...and where does it end?

Laquitar · 25/06/2011 23:37

I know worraliberty. And this is a country where a biscuit in the lunch box is not allowed or a piece of cheese for a child is considered fattening.

NorksAreMessy · 25/06/2011 23:42

Not the only weapon in the armoury, but just the next thing out of the magic bag, when things are getting a bit antsy

worraliberty · 25/06/2011 23:50

Grrrrrrr I'm going to hate myself for saying this because I hate people who bring up things like 'food relationships'...it always sounds so namby pamby lol.

But non the less....is it wise to use food as a bribe/comfort/reward for anything? I mean so many of the people on here who struggle to lose weight say they use it as a 'comfort' or they eat 'because they're bored'

Well isn't that sort of encouraging that attitude from a very early age?

maighdlin · 25/06/2011 23:50

i would only bring DD to a close family wedding and even then it would depend on circumstances, but thats more out of selfishness so i can enjoy the day, not that i feel children shouldn't be at weddings, in fact the opposite. there were loads of kids at my wedding, the venue was family friendly, in that kids could run around without getting dirty looks. i hired an entertainer, worth the money if there is kids, then the kids ran around the hotel gardens before and after the dinner. i suppose it was lucky that it was the hottest day ever, (well at least felt like it in my massive dress) so the kids ran freely outside, the venue was in the middle of nowhere and the gardens separate from the car park so the adult could just leave them to it. i don't remember any bored kids or anyone telling me about bored kids

NorksAreMessy · 25/06/2011 23:53

Raisins are not a bribe, they are an intellectual challenge

worraliberty · 25/06/2011 23:56

Raisins are a punishment on their own imo...like being forced to eat rabbit shit and smile about it

shockers · 26/06/2011 00:08

I used to download loads of free activity sheets from the internet ( activity village was a good one). clip them together, buy some lovely new pencils/sharpeners/rubbers and the like and they'd be happy for the duration of the speeches at least.

MissTinaTeaspoon · 26/06/2011 00:48

Ive never taken dd into a church, the weddings we've been to have been civil ceremonies. And I've only ever given her raisins or dried fruit bars even then, not a picnic! It keeps her busy and amused and it's a few times a year, not every day. I don't consider the food as a reward at all. I would say that I very rarely have a need to keep her quiet, as at a wedding, and as it happens so rarely I can't really see the harm.

worraliberty · 26/06/2011 00:55

No that's fair enough, I just have genuinely never thought of using food as a pacifier/occupier that's all.

I've used treats as a reward for being good after the event, but I just haven't seen or heard of parents bringing food along to events to keep their kids quiet/occupied that's all.

cat64 · 26/06/2011 01:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mummytime · 26/06/2011 06:59

I have enjoyed weddings with kids. Yes as a church goer I have "bribed" my kids with snacks. (How else do you get a 2 year old silent for the 2 minutes silence?) But its another sign of when they really need to be quiet.

The photos are usually taken outside, so we can go and play chance around the rose bushes in a different section of the garden, or just exploring a certain Cathedral Quad has worked too. My kids love talking to grown ups (ones without their own children are usually marvelous). They like the speeches (although someimes want things explained).

But it is your choice, and only you know how your kids behave etc.

CaptainBizarro · 26/06/2011 07:29

"Weddings are generally soooooo boring..."

You're going to the wrong weddings, then. All the ones I go to are great craic and entertaining/distracting/feeding/calming down kids just massively cramps your style.

I always think people who can't go to a wedding without their children mustn't have had a very good social life pre-DC. Because otherwise why wouldn't you want to re-capture that on the rare odd occasion with your DH/DP that you can?

Agree with cat64.

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