what would your partner/husband say?

[M0naLisa]

If you said to him

'Quit your day job and go on nights so I can keep my job and I'll get you up at 1.45pm everyday so you can look after our child so I can carry on working then when I get at 7pm you can get ready for work?'

Sorry, i forgot to refresh.

No she won't see it but told me to put it on MINUTE to see what responses she got! I have told her she is BU but she doesn't listen to me or mum.

i am confused. so sil works in the afternoons, has run out of childcare options and wants bil to do the childcare, for which he's have to either work the night shift or not work. actually ican see her pridicament and how she thinks this is a solution which it is of sorts. i think she is being a bit U about ordering him to do it BUT if this is whats between making ends meet or having to give up and go back on IS (not judging just specualting) then i can see her point.

what about a childminder? i think she needs to research a cheap/free childcare option first but then for all i know she oculd have exhasuted every option this way

Ah ok.

'but been told they are reserved for Polish' ?

Really

She says she can't afford childminder or nursery and won't leave DN 17mths in childcare as she doesn't trust them. [Hmm]

Sungirltan - sis and her bf not in laws.

If she managed her money better she would be ok but she doesn't she's in a house with rent higher than her current wage, he brings home £800 per month hers is £300 she has a car on finance to pay for, insurance of £114 per month on as well as a £25 per week (but I think she is wrong on this) catalogue payment scheme for a PS3 she bought BF.

Laquitar
yeah the manager actually said this to him and also HR have said the same that there are some polish starting so the jobs are reserved for them.

But back in april 09 the company made lots of people redundant - my sister was one of these (hence her having a 17mth old now) she actually told my mum if i get made redundant im going to have a baby - 4 weeks after been made redundant she was pregnant.

MN not MINUTE

stupid autocorrect

tbh sounds like she expects everyone else - her mum, her friend, her bf- to put themselves out for her benefit. I think she sounds shockingly selfish actually.

I thought it is illegal to say such a thing.

I asked my husband. He pointed out that his day job is looking after the children so I can go to work - quitting it is not an option! She is being very unreasonable to expect him to do the difficult childcare shift 2-7, then work 8-7am, get home presumably around half seven and only have 5-6h sleep before he has to do it again. Especially when she won't consider increasing her hours by 2!

Maybe she should restructure her financial thinking, seems she's expecting him to do most of the hard work to fund her lifestyle choices.

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exactly!! thats why he asked HR about the vacancies and they have confirmed they are reserved.

the thing is this company made redundant lots of their work load - in fact half the factory. And now say out of 100 - 85 are polish. My mum works nights and she and another girl on her line are the only english worker.

back to the OP, yeah sister is very selfish, she has been here tonight and DN is teething and crying alot. She orders her BF around and she will tell him to 'change his bum' and if he says hang on a minute - like if he is washing up or cleaning (sis is allergic to cleaning products so it seems ) she will shout at him 'iv had him all day its your turn'
'They take it in turns as to whos turn it is to change his bum, once leaving him 20 minutes in a shitty nappy'

just a little snippet of how else she treats people.

I was there the other day at mums and cos mum told her to go home and wash up (friday nights dinner pots still on the side on sunday) she toold mum to fuck off.

Well its pretty obvious to me that you don't like your sister much. Although you seem very concerned about how she organises her life and offering her a lot of unsolicited advice.

For what its worth I don't think her boyfriend should agree to this arrangement as it seems a pretty bad deal for him. He gets know down time at all and not enough sleep. However they are grown ups and should be left to sort it out themselves. Its not up to you or your mum to get involved especially as it doesn't seem that she asked you to?

For what it worth it my mum told me to go home and wash my dishes I might be tempted to tell her to fuck off too. What business is it of hers?

BlueFergie has a point.

I am damned sure that if my mother told me to go home and wash my dishes, I definitely WOULD tell her to fuck off!

Fair dos but friday nights dinner pots still there on sunday?? thats gross.

I get on well with my sister some days when she isn't so nasty.

like today was a good day

BTW sister lives opposite my mum.

Still think dinner pots are none of your mums business regardless of where your sister lives.

In fact I think both you and your mum have quite an unhealthy interest in the ins and outs of your sisters life. Think you should back off a bit especially since you are obviously getting very little thanks for it and it is just causing you frustration.

i have been known to leave washing up for days on end. doesn't make me a bad parent or person. an dirty bum now and then isnt the end of the world either.

there is an interesting dynamic here. i definitely agree with bluefergie. your sister is an adult and entitled to make her own decisions.

wondering if this is aibu in reverse. are you the sister?

Doesn't sound like the vacancies are "reserved" but that they've already been filled.

Anyway seems this is more of a bitchy thread than a constructive one, so I'm out.

bertie - yes i thought that too - that what they meant was that they have employed some polish folk who will be arriving soon therefore there are no night shifts avaialbe at the moment even though it looks like there are.

No I am not the sister. I'm talking about my sister after she asked me what mumsnet would say. She only reads here when she comes to mine.

Well that is what the manager said 'they are reserved for polish' which an employer isn't allowed to say!

Yes it is frustrating!

As far as working nights and having little 'us' time, OH would do it if necessary. Indeed when he left the forces he did exactly that so that we could save money on child care (DD was a baby) but it meant he regularly worked 12hr night-shifts on 5hrs of sleep.

I know some are saying it would be a strain on the marriage etc, but hey, life's tough! We managed to get through the years of long hours of shift work, part-time study and general shittiness. I suppose it's different in that we had a plan and there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but if night work is the alternative to surviving on a low income / benefits, there's no contest in my eyes.