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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to dislike those awlful little girls

56 replies

mummyofonegirl · 25/06/2011 14:04

DD has gone for a play date at a friends and another of their friends is also there. When I dropped her off I greeted the girls and they both just looked at me and ignored me. They then began to tease my DD aboit the size of some toys that she bought which I could see unnerved my DD. I greeted the parents who were very pleasant and as I l was about to leave I said good bye told them all to have fun and again they just looked at me. Their parents did not say anything. If an adult (that she knows) addressed my DD in front of me and she ignored them I would tell her to respond it is just rude. When I have taken them all in the past for a meal the 2 of them have absolutely no table manners they shouted and misbehaved and disturbed the whole restaurant. Until we were practically asked to leave. I was furious and embarrassed. Then there is the materialism. Who has an ipad and who has this amount of toys etc it is so uncalled for 7 and 8 year olds. When my DD is with them she let's them dominate her to the extent she behaves like them even though she knows that her parents will not approve. She just seems to loose her mind. I try to encourage her to play woth others by inviting other girls to our home but she alsways seems to want to play with hese awlful girls again. What to do?

OP posts:

pigletmania · 25/06/2011 15:41

These girls sound awful, I would just encourage your dd to play with other children, and not invite them again. Tallulah right are you the mother of one of these girls in question then! There is nothing wrong with what the OP has said.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/06/2011 15:42

I think they're just at 'that age', OP. They try and fit in and sometimes do and say things that they wouldn't normally. It's all part of growing up and showing off.

ILoveTiffany... It is ill-mannered to ignore somebody when they address you. I wouldn't let my 7-year old child ignore somebody when spoken to. Even in 2011 and even in 3011.

swallowedAfly · 25/06/2011 15:50

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swallowedAfly · 25/06/2011 15:50

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swallowedAfly · 25/06/2011 15:52

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moominmarvellous · 25/06/2011 15:57

Gah! This place! Children can ignore you and be rude at aged 7 and if you have a problem with it, you must be jealous?

OP if you were the other girls parents posting saying that your DD had ignored an adult/been rude/been bragging/disruptive at a meal out, but that you thought these behaviours were fine, you'd still get ripped to shreds amid cries of 'pfb!' 'spoilt brat' 'ungrateful little shit' and you'd still be called a dillusional parent.

Mamaz0n · 25/06/2011 16:08

so your DD behaves in the same way, but you think these girls are vile?

Original poster

mummyofonegirl · 25/06/2011 16:56

My DD behaves the same way when she is with them. She copies them never instigates that behaviour.

examples of their behaviour includes:

ignoring adults;
hitting adults;
calling adults stupid;
screaming at the top of their voices where is my food in restaurants;
running around in a restaurant and causing people to complain about our table and
i am not a Mary Whitehouse of parenting I just know what i expect from my DD as my mum did from me when i was her age. The problem is that my daughter is attracted to them and they are "Best Friends" .

After the restaurant incident i told my daughter that i was unimpressed and she told the girls and now we have bee invited to dinner at one of their houses tonight. I have reluctantly accepted it. i will see how that goes.

OP posts:

joric · 25/06/2011 17:06

I have a girl the same age and YANBU at all. I haven't a clue why people on here are having a go at you. Based on what you have said- you don't like these girls because they have no manners. I would feel the same as you and would also go for the one at a time thing.... If you have to.

youarekidding · 25/06/2011 17:17

hitting and calling adults stupid. NO WAY. But OP although in your post YANBU unfortunatly your DD is chosing to join in - for what ever reason. My friends DD's behave this way and I've had to very carefully discuss with DS if he thinks this is correct behaviour and about what consequence he would get for copying regardless of what the others do.

She sounds unconfident - it sounds like she does it because she's not confident enough to join in.

The ignoring - hard one. I know lots of children, including my DS who will look at an adult and then run off. He's not being rude its just he is thinking about what games he'll play with his friend and the adult interupts his thoughts. So he'll hear them talking, look at them but not answer. If you say to him X asked a question answer it he won't actually know what the question is iyswim?

Restaurant - YANBU. But I would have insured my own child was sat down and told others to sit or I would call their parents to pick them up as I don't allow that behaviour. Remember they're parents may allow it.

Bragging/ comparing - again all standard - not nice but they are still learning at this age and a simple explanation of hows it not nice.

youarekidding · 25/06/2011 17:18

to not join in.

Desiderata · 25/06/2011 17:24

Jeez, there's some arseholes on this thread.

OP, I quite agree with you. The parents sound like twats, and the girls sound like nightmares.

Don't enforce friendships upon children. Contrary to popular opinion, we can all exist quite happily with acquaintances only.

I also agree that three, with children in particular, is always a crowd.

They sound rude and spoiled. Whilst you still have some influence, influence your dd out of their lives.

Pumpernickel10 · 25/06/2011 19:46

Girls will be girls op some of DD have been like this past, just ignore them I do they are just kids and will move on to s

skybluepearl · 25/06/2011 19:51

they do sound like rude girls. if they are a bad infulence just restrict how muych time they have togetehr. explain why to your daughter. I only tend to have nice girls round for play dates as i can't be doing with naughty behaviour.

usualsuspect · 25/06/2011 19:54

unfortunately you can't always choose your childrens friends

and stop saying playdate

worraliberty · 25/06/2011 19:54

I don't think I'd have the brass neck to sit and eat dinner with them in their house tonight after writing an OP like yours!

Re your last post OP

Why the hell did you allow your DD to behave like that in a restaurant? I could understand if you weren't there and you heard about it afterwards, but if she behaved like that in front of her own Mother and you let it happen....you sound no different to the parents you're slagging off and just about to eat dinner with

I accept kids often copy the behaviour of their friends, but I don't see how she could 'copy' it to this degree if she's being brought up so very differently?

CaptainBizarro · 25/06/2011 19:58

They don't sound very nice - but as your daughter changes when she is around them (mob mentality), it's just possible the other two girls change when they all get together, too.

It could well be the case that the other two girls' parents bemoan how their DD becomes an unpleasant little madam when in the company of yours...!

I mean, if you're not remonstrating with your DD in front of them when she behaves badly, they may well think you condone her behave or don't see a problem with it.

Just another way of looking at the situation. Kids at that age in groups are often very different from how they are at home or by themselves - much more excitable and buoyed on by wanting to impress their friend's....

hiddenhome · 25/06/2011 20:00

Why are you sending your dd on a playdate with people that you clearly dislike and who are rude and unpleasant?

Do you dislike your dd or is it some kind of strange social experiment?

CaptainBizarro · 25/06/2011 20:01

Bloody auto-correct and its rogue apostrophes...

CaptainBizarro · 25/06/2011 20:02

Maybe because they're her friends, and she asks to go on playdates with them...?

Do all you lot seriously veto who your DC can and can't play with?!

youarekidding · 25/06/2011 20:09

I have found when in situations like this DS tends to edge towards joining in whilst looking at me. I use to tell him off then I realised after talking to him about it he didn't want to join in and wanted me to tell him no so it was my fault he couldn't not him refusing iyswim?

It's a great time to show him a new app on my phone or something especially as the children turning cartwheels in the restaurant will often not be able to resist coming to look too.

He is getting more confident at saying no, but IMO they are inbtween at this age and still need guidance.

Ismeyes · 25/06/2011 20:12

Yes it is rude to not respond when spoken to. However, you can't choose your DD's friends particularly. You can say to your DD that you don't think it is right that x,y,z does the things they do, but ultimately your DD needs to learn to make her own decisions about friendships and this could be a valuable lesson to learn.

You haven't explained what went on in the restaurant, I would be interested in whether you admonished them on their behaviour or sat there making cats bum faces. If my DD were out with another parent and I was not there, I would actively encourage that they apply the same standards of behaviour to DD that they do to their own DC and that they would tell her off accordingly. I hope you did the same. I also agree with the earlier poster who advocated taking the mickey out of them.

Cutiecat · 25/06/2011 20:50

They sound like horrid little girls to me. If it were my dd I would have a quiet word with her and tell her that I do not want her to behave like that. I would also break up the trio. Just see each girl on their own to quash the mob mentality. I know some of DS's friends are a bit 'my DSi is better than yours' etc. I really don't like that competitive behaviour.

I bet you walked away from dropping her off thinking of excuses to pick her up early. Ignore the other posters who are being nasty. You are being reasonable.

Original poster

mummyofonegirl · 26/06/2011 00:35

Thank you all for your Posts especially Swallowedafly. Your advice worked a treat. They were still rude, disobeyed their parents etc refused to say hello and ignored when adults spoke to them. Nothing changed their at all. but the embarrassing method seemed produced the hellos and thanks yous that should in my view be standard behaviour.

I think word got back to the parents that i dis approved of her DD behaviour at the restaurant as the host mother did her best to try and make out that he DD was well behaved. But unfortunately she as often embarrassed by her daughters defiant behaviour, even after her mother clearly said NO.

I appreciate that he is difficult to chose your childrens friends. i believe that there is a confidence issue with my DD and we are working on that. But she knows that we will not accept rudeness or bad behaviour. A little cheek here r there is expected it is part of finding ones self and testing boundaries. Just to clarify my daughter was told off during the restaurant incident and after and is more than aware that what she did as naughty. She knows that we were not impressed with her or her friends' behaviour that day. As another poster said she did it whilst looking at me to see what my reaction would be.

anyway thank you for all of your posts and comments. Helped to make me feel that standards are not a thing of the past

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/06/2011 00:42

I don't know, I still get the impression that you think your DD's naughty behaviour is solely down to copying her friends and that your parenting is a cut above her friend's parents.

It's ok to say you told your daughter off in the restaurant, but you didn't manage to prevent her bad behaviour did you? I mean, it still went on to the point where other diners were disturbed.

How did she even get to leave the table to run around if you were there? Did you not get straight up and bring her right back to sit down?

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