I haven't been invited to DP's nephews baptism...

[GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads]

I'll try and give as much detail without making this ridiculously long.

I have been with DP nearly 6 years, we have a DS who is 4.

The last year has been a tough one for us due to some idiotic behavior of DP's part and interference from his family.

We were both young when DS was born (I was 17, DP was 20) and his family have very old fashioned views so were shocked and disgusted (at me though not DP)

DP has a younger brother who turns into a very vile person when he has been drinking. He has said some awful things to me in the past and questioned DS's paternity on many occasions. I'll be honest and say DP has never stood up for us like he should have.

This particular brother has a 2 month old baby with his girlfriend. I have never seen the baby in the flesh only pictures. It is the babys baptism in about 2 weeks time and I am not invited although DP and DS are.

Myself and DP do not currently live together and the baptism will fall on a the saturday that it is actually my turn to do something with DS so I would also be loosing out on the only weekend time I have with him. DP has him every second weekend friday-monday and other weekend sunday-monday IYSWIM?

DP's whole family will be there as will his other brothers Girlfriend.

I have NEVER done or said anything to explain why the particular brother hates me so much.

AIBU to be hurt that DP would take DS and go without me and not even stand up for me and demand that I be included in some way?

Of course I realize that it is his nephew and I would be a cow to ask him not to go.

I'd just really like some advice on how to deal with the situation? Hopefully something I can show to DP? If you don't agree with me at all I fully accept that and feel free to be completely honest.

YANBU. Your dp should be saying to his brother that either you are invited or he and your ds won't go. It doesn't matter that you aren't living together, you are a family. From what you say, I'm surprised your dp has anything to do with his brother.

They have a very odd family situation tbh, they have awful rows then the next days it's all forgotten no grudges held. This brother though is very temperamental and everyone makes excuses For him. Especially since the baby was born as they are afraid he'll atop them having anything to do with him.

I thinking just wanted to vent about the situation as I felt it was unfair. I didnt mean for it to come across as entitled. Thanks to everyone who took the time to post whether you agreed or not.

YABU

You don't get on with this man at all and he has chosen not to invite you to an important event in his child's life. That is his perogative.

If you were living with your partner as a family unit then it might well be that he would feel that he had to suck it up and invite you even though he didn't like you. Your slightly unusual set-up since your break-up has given him the perfect excuse not to do so as you are not living together.

It does sound a bit odd that you are concerned about missing "your turn" with DS when you also say that you are together as a family.

You've never seen the baby and have nothing to do with his parents - so there's as much logic to inviting you to the child's baptism as there would be you inviting me to your child's! Living together or not, in a "partnership" does not = joined at the hip.

Besides, the man's an utter bastard from the sound of it - why would you even want to be invited?

Personally, given the man's animosity and deliberate rudeness to you I think you're very wrong in letting your son to attend either, but that's another story.

You don't need to be invited to a baptism to go. It is a sacrament bestowed by the church and all services are open to all. Same with weddings in church. Whether or not you are invited to the "bunfight" or whatever afterwards is a totally different matter. Yes I think your DP should be standing up for you, and so should the rest of DP's family (you say you get on with all the rest?) It totally sucks that you were expected to invite whichever girlfriend this brother happened to have on the go at the time to your DS's baptism but you, as the mother of his nephew and partner to his brother (however unconventionally you may be handling that, your business and no-one else's) are to be excluded from this one.

TBH I'm wondering why the brother is having his child baptised at all. Doesn't sound like he takes Christ's teachings at all seriously?

GS, I don't think anyone has a right to question or slate your living arrangements. It sounds to me as though you are making very considered and positive choices WRT your family, good on you.

Anyway, I know you weren't posting about that! It's understandable to be upset to be cut out of a family gathering in this way and in your position, I'd quite honestly expect your P to step up and have a serious talk with his little brother, about his behaviour towards you.

This is part and parcel of the same rudeness and ostracisation, isn't it? It's not wrong to hope for loyalty from a partner in such circumstances.

You do not live as a couple, you have alternate access with your son, his family obviously don't see you as a couple and I'm sorry to say it but I don't think your DP sees you as a couple either

There is no way on earth my DH would allow any member of his family to speak to or treat me the way his family have you.

YANBU to feel upset that your problem/issue is entirely with your DP.

Why is everyone going on about the living arrangements? If they are together, they are together, and the rest is no one else's business. I bet you all considered yourselves a couple before you got married/moved in together.

My guess is that your DP is trying to keep the peace by not saying anything to his brother about his appalling comments and behaviour. I think it's up to your DP to do something about this to be honest. What exactly I don't know.

Good point by frantic.

If I was not living with my boyfriend then when I was younger I would not have expected to have been invited to one of his families events, especially if I didn't get on with the person holding the event.
I don't think I went to anything like this before I lived with either of my husbands. If you neither live with a bloke or are married to him then you aren't really part of his family. Your child is, as he is related to them, but you aren't related to them. That is the whole point of marriage.

Why would you want to be invited to spend time with this loser? You clearly can't stand him (with good reason, imo) and the feeling is obviously mutual. He doesn't want you at the baptism - well, it would be a bit hypocritical of him to invite you as he doesn't like you.

You're never going to be bezzie mates, are you? So just ignore him, and don't allow him to see how hurt you are. Best advice is above - go out and have a good night with your mates!

I think your DP needs to make a stand - you all go or you all don't go. You are a family unit and that is that. Maybe he needs to man up to his brother?

Is DP spineless? Does he value his relationship with brother over you?

kittybuttoon OP says that she and her DP have had a difficult year and this is just an example of a family trying to drive a wedge between a family member and his partner, who they don't like (notice they blamed her for her pregnancy and subsequently having a child but their precious boy was not to blame )

Only decent course of action would have been for brother who's child's baptism it is to ask his brother if it was appropriate, or what he wanted, to invite his DP and the mother of his nephew to the baptism or not and then acted accordingly.

It should not matter if you live together or not, you have a child together and you are a couple, end of! Ive been in a similar situation before with my ex husband, his mums friend invited my then husband and our son to his wedding but specifically not me. Thankfully my husband knew this was totally out of order and was down to the fact his family have never liked me and did not go - although he was not happy about not going!
If DPs brother has been such a tossbag to you, I do not understand why DP has not said something to his brother. If my family treated my DP like that, they would know about it! If the shoe was on the other foot and it was your family, would you go to the baptism? I can safely say if I was your DP I would have told my brother to shove his invite - it should be the two of you against the world!