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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh looking at other women???

14 replies

tellmeimbeingsilly · 23/06/2011 10:12

name changed as im rather [blushed] even thinking this

have been happily married to dh for 3 year,togethher for 8, we have 3 dc..
he works as an accountants assistant for a construction firm.
theres only him and the actual company secetary in the office...managers etc all upstairs.
they have just hired a new cleaner,dh hasnt said much about her tbh, just that shes early to mid 30s, dh is 30.
since he mentioned to me she been working there
he has been acting strange...
like a dog in heat lol
we had a bit of nookie Blushthis morning and he was going wild, talking dirty which is so out of character for him...
i had got it into my head that he had been thinking of her whilst we were doing it ...
i feel sick with worry
he has always worked here since he was 18, and always been surrounded with men , the only women in his life is me and mil...he never has much to do with any other women...

iv just reread this and it sounds pathetic, but could possibly be true....

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 23/06/2011 10:14

Ask him, calmly, teasingly, if he fancies the new cleaner. Then shut up and say nothing else. Wait for his reply.

Original poster
tellmeimbeingsilly · 23/06/2011 10:16

i could never ask him that ...would be ill if he said yes

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 23/06/2011 10:16

Are you serious? Your right it is pathetic. Are you just jelous now because there is a women working with him and your insecure incase she steels him away from you?

TheOriginalFAB · 23/06/2011 10:18

well if you don't ask you aren't going to know. Isn't it better to know? It doesn't mean he is about to fuck her under the desk but if he says no then hopefully you can relax.

FWIW When dh tells me a new female member joins his company I ask him how old she is and if he fancies her. He just says no. I am over weight atm and have never been pretty so it is my insecurities rather than him having ever done anything.

Original poster
tellmeimbeingsilly · 23/06/2011 10:20

thats right, im feeling insecure but dont know why Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
tellmeimbeingsilly · 23/06/2011 10:23

3 pregnancies and 3 casareans im too overweight...Sad
just feel so insecure

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 23/06/2011 10:24

I think you are just going to hurt yourself it you imagine he is thinking of the cleaner when he is having sex with you. Try and get the thought out of your head.

MrSpoc · 23/06/2011 10:28

Dont worry about it.

Jelousy is normal in a relationship but you have to not let it get out of hand. He obviously still fancies you and you are both still getting on.

Original poster
tellmeimbeingsilly · 23/06/2011 10:31

im certain he would never cheat..
but just the thought of him thiknig about someone else kills me

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 23/06/2011 10:34

don't think about it

you can get sexually charged up by a lot of other things - what you read, see, hear or justa fantasy that crops up

maybe it was just you. Really try not to dwell on it.

MrSpoc · 23/06/2011 10:39

Op so your confident he would not cheat but your worride about him looking.

Can I ask, do you look at other men. Be honest.

All men and women look, there is nothing wrong with it, it is wrong if you act on it or start perving infront of your wife.

elmofan · 23/06/2011 10:42

Agree with ZZZenAgain . Hard as it may be you & your MIL will not always be the only women in your dh's life .

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 23/06/2011 10:42

If you know he would never cheat, and you know he never has cheated on you, then you need to get a grip. Most people have at least passing thoughts about attractive individuals they see (including celebrities) and yet they would not act on these thoughts, ever, because they are committed to their partners. However, a desperately insecure partner who is forever imagining potential infidelities is off-putting to anyone who isn't a nutjob. Jealousy like this is your problem and you need to fix it, because living with an unreasonably jealous partner is hell.

LittleBlueBoat · 23/06/2011 10:43

I think its natural to feel like that but keeping it to yourself will make it worse. I think you should tell you DH and let him reassure you.

But also its only human nature to look at other people but it doesn't mean that you want to sleep with them or run off.

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