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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get this feeling regularly?

15 replies

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 22/06/2011 22:29

Sometimes, I feel like I'm a small kid standing outside a house where a huge party is taking place and everyone is having fun, but I've not been invited. Sad and pathetic, I know. But that's how I feel quite often.

OP posts:

ChaosTrulyReigns · 22/06/2011 22:30

Are you talking about RL?

Original poster

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 22/06/2011 22:32

I just feel that everyone else is out there having fun and I'm not part of it. Life is passing me by. Sorry, shouldn't be moaning - I can't take part in anything due to a nasty long-term illness which means I literally cannot speak - have been like this for over a year now!

OP posts:

OpusProSerenus · 22/06/2011 22:34

Totally - I have spells when I feel just like this quite a lot so you are not alone. Is there something particular making you feel this way or is it more a general feeling when you are under par?

GypsyMoth · 22/06/2011 22:34

is this to do with facebook?

HidinginaHardHat · 22/06/2011 22:35

IloveTiffany you beat me to it. I was about to say the same thing.

Original poster

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 22/06/2011 22:36

Opus I've has spells of this all of my life, for some reason - kind of like a guilty feeling for not doing things. Sorry, not making much sense really. I just get the idea that other people are having so much more fun than I can - my illness doesn't help!

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Original poster

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 22/06/2011 22:37

Nothing to do with FB - don't use it very often. Also predates any technology - have always had bouts of this. Maybe I'm just miserable!

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OpusProSerenus · 22/06/2011 22:42

I know what you mean OP. It's a horrible feeling but it sounds really pathetic and playground-ish when you try to explain to anyone else. I have felt like this at times from being very young (it's not just the feeling that predates technology in my case, it's me too!)

Maybe it's just the feeling some of us get when we are a bit low, that maybe manifests in others as anxiety or some of the other mildy depressive symptoms

Original poster

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 22/06/2011 22:44

Opus Thanks - perhaps I am mildly depressed - not surprising really, given the home circumstances. Maybe I just need to find a funny thread on MN to cheer myself up! Yes, I predate technology too - somewhere around the early 15th century maybe!!

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springydaffs · 22/06/2011 23:57

This might piss you off OP but sometimes these 'impressions' come from a childhood experience that really happened - often the child got the wrong end of the stick but the powerful feelings from the experience 'went in' iyswim, hence an overridingly (is there such a word?) negative feeling that kind of hangs over the child, even into adulthood. YOur illness - particularly if you can't speak - would compound that feeling of alienation, of looking through a window at the world having a [supposedly] great time that you're not part of.

Just a thought (don't be pissed off!)

deliasniff · 23/06/2011 00:01

why would it be anything to do with facebook? just curious

QueenStromba · 23/06/2011 01:03

It sounds like you're depressed to me too and I've been depressed for most of the last 20 years (I'm only 29) so I consider myself an expert on the matter. Not being able to talk is definitely going to make you depressed because we have evolved as social animals, in fact talking is so important that we are the only species that can choke - our voice boxes are the reason we can choke.

VforViennetta · 23/06/2011 01:12

Yes I get this too, especially when people talk about the wild experiences they had in their 20's ect, mad partying, travelling and what not. I was pregnant at 20 so did miss out on all of this, although tbh, can't imagine it would have happened anyway.

I do try to accept that everyone goes through life in a different way, I'm not a carefree and spontaneous person, I'm shy and a worrier. I don't think this would change whatever my circumstances.

Things are never quite as they seem anyway, a lot of people appear to be having a lot of fun, but appearances can be deceptive, you wouldn't always want to take their place.

Tchootnika · 23/06/2011 01:13

YANBU, and you've summed up really well what most people probably feel a lot of the time. You also seem more articulate than lots of people, so please keep writing...

Original poster

TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 23/06/2011 11:50

Thanks everyone for your comments - I feel a bit better knowing that I am not alone!

springydaffs I'm not pissed off with what you have said at all! In fact, you probably have something there - maybe I did have an event when I was a child, but I just can't remember it. It does seem likely.

deliasniff I think people meant that on FB you keep seeing posts about all of the fun times other people are having and might feel you are missing out. Certainly, I do get that sometimes if people I know are meeting up and I haven't been asked along. That is happening a bit as all of my friends know I am ill and cannot go out or talk to them - so they are no longer asking me along.

QueenStromba Yes, the voice issue does get me down a lot and that is in addition to being chronically ill, trying to hold down my job as I am the family breadwinner, managing a household with a disabled DH and a DS with ASD.... I could go on, but I won't!

VforViennetta I had a good time in my 20s and early 30s - am now in my 50s and am getting the feeling that these should be good years before things really start to go downhill! I know what you mean about appearances though!

Tchootnika That's very kind of you to say! I will keep writing when I can.

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