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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DP plan our entire wedding?

15 replies

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 22/06/2011 18:08

Wedding is in 3 months insofar as register office booked. Did not plan any kind of party as I just fancied going to the pub for some shandies and a bite afterwards with the attendees of the wedding (about 25 in total including us - people paying for their own food if they wanted it but sticking a couple of hundred quid behind the bar). We're skint as I'm on mat leave and I am not one for making a fuss of anything self-celebrating (birthdays etc, grumpy cow I am, or rather just brought up not to bother somehow).

DP has now decided he wants a big do but I was struggling with the concept as I am crap at organising parties, especially with no money and feeling a lard arse bit plump after birth of 5 month old DC with the prospect of being on parade for all and sundry somewhat daunting. At the weekend he decided he would organise the whole thing with his sister's party planning expertise and probably, let's face it, MIL's money as we can't afford it.

This is fine with me, the only thing I have to do is choose my dress and turn up. DP being DP it will be highly unconventional and not your usual marquee + disco but that's fine with me as it's not my bag anyway. The guestlist for the actual wedding has also doubled and obviously there will be lots more at the reception but if I don't think about this too much it doesn't actually bother me. My friends think I am mad for letting him take over but I am glad not to have to think about it tbh. AIBU or will I regret not planning my "special day" forever?

OP posts:

TheFeministsWife · 22/06/2011 18:11

Oh no, totally do it. I didn't have a big wedding and organising the tiny meal and registry office was a bloody nightmare! If DH had offered to organise the whole thing I would have jumped at the chance.

BulletWithAName · 22/06/2011 18:11

YANBU if that's what you'd prefer to do. I myself will have to have every aspect of my wedding under my control. But everyone is different. If you're happy for him to do that, then go ahead!

Hope you have a lovely day!

shavmcv · 22/06/2011 18:16

YANBU at all . I'm planning my own wedding just now we r having a massive wedding and I'm planning it mostly with my mum , with htb chipping in with ideas/help/plans whenever he so wishes or I need him to . If the tables were turned and I wasn't bothered but he wanted a big do , I would have no problem letting him plan in ! Only I'm a bit of a control freak so I don't think I could but if I could I wouldn't feel guilty or anything !!

Hope you have a fab day congratulations !! X

Original poster

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 22/06/2011 18:20

My friends are horrified - so is my gran actually but I just am just thinking "fuck it" at this point. I am a control freak in all other ways, I'm a bit surprised at myself, but I just feel that if I get involved I'll start criticising and I suspect DP really wants to prove that he can do this.

I'll have to update with the answer in 3 months really I think...

OP posts:

TrilllianAstra · 22/06/2011 18:20

If you trust him to not organise anything that you would hate.

And if you don't have any particular preferences within the sphere of "things you would not hate".

Then why not?

Original poster

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 22/06/2011 18:23

He doesn't like football.

But he does like cricket... and cocktails. But that would be ok with me if there was an abundance of the latter!

OP posts:

PamBeesly · 22/06/2011 18:26

YANBU my DH organised about 75% of ours. I was having a very difficult time with my family and he was fantastic about doing everything. Just make sure he has a general idea of what would work and what wouldn't. I wouldn't regret it one bit, too many people think that organising a wedding is a womans perogative, tosh, let him do it :) enjoy your day

DontGoCurly · 22/06/2011 18:33

Oh yeah, brilliant let him do it! W00t !

Nice one!

jendot · 22/06/2011 18:44

I let a total stranger organise mine....

We married in Malta and I hired a wedding planner I had never met...and literally left the whole thing to her. I had no input apart from the music to walk down the aisle to and stipulating no lillies...thats was IT.

We flew in 3 days before..I turned up at the appointed place on the day at the required time. We had 60 guests from the UK join us.

She managed the whole day...it was a FAIRYTALE from start to finish, no stress, no fuss, no worries and was in my opinion pretty cheap!

I couldn't think of a better way to enjoy your day than let someone else organise it for you. Have fun.

minipie · 22/06/2011 18:50

YANBU, no reason you should regret not planning your "special day" I found wedding planning incredibly tedious.

However I would ask him to run any major decisions past you first (but then I'm a bit of a control freak that way)

upahill · 22/06/2011 18:53

I wasn't fussed about getting married tbh but DH was.

He sorted out the date and time, the venue, the after meal, the reception and everything really.
I went out and got a suite, had my hair and make up done and turned up.

Loads of people were invited and we had a great time.

Let him do it!

tribpot · 22/06/2011 18:55

He's the one who wants the big do, so it makes sense for him to plan it. Natch you may want to do a bride's speech to thank him for all his hard work (and just remind anyone who didn't agree with parts of the day just who organised it!).

I'm assuming you don't have any concerns that he might flake out half way through the planning and leave you to finish it off? If no, sounds good to me!

Paschaelina · 22/06/2011 18:56

God, I jumped at the chance of DH organising ours. I have zero skills in that department and he is anally retentive in that regard. Twas the best decision I made. He sorted the marquee, music, catering, licences, booze, car parking, etc. All I had to do was sort the clothes and make final choices.

He would never have coped well with not having control, I would never have coped with it. Match made in heaven really.

limitedperiodonly · 22/06/2011 19:05

Let him if you trust him.

I'm not an organiser but it's in DH's DNA.

We chose the reception venue together because it was where we had our first date but if it hadn't been available I'd have left it to him because I get fed up easily.

He also booked the register office, made all the arrangements with the reception, cars, flowers for mother of the bride and MIL and honeymoon arrangements. He also coped when the suit he'd ordered wasn't ready and he had to wear one of his normal ones.

I booked my clothes, flowers and invitations. The two photographers were my friends.

The most stressful part was helping my mum choose her outfit. I could never divorce DH because I never want to go through that again.

He also chose where we live, which is excellent. He's a very good picker, but then he picked me.

Have a lovely day.

Original poster

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 22/06/2011 21:05

He wouldn't flake out trib, but he might leave some things to the last minute and balls them up royally! I think if he ensures enough champagne I might manage to laugh about it. He's not a natural organiser at all but I trust him... I think?! Just have to keep remembering it's about us celebrating our relationship, and our friends having a laugh, rather than a picture perfect parade for great aunts etc. Like the idea about doing a speech to thank him for organising it all, and to defer blame if it all goes awry (although wouldn't do cruelly if it WAS a real shambles!).

Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not the only one mad trusting enough to allow her DP to do this!

OP posts:

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