AIBU regarding sex-ed and kids

[Rosie29]

This morning dd2 (5) asked me if it hurt when dd3 (12 weeks) was born and how she came out of my tummy. Conversation went something like this:

Me: well, when the time is right for the baby to come out the baby lets your body know and it slowly comes down from your tummy, into the cervix which is at the top of your vagina, and it opens out so the baby can come out of the hole where your pee comes from.

DD: Did it hurt?

Me: Yes, but it is Ok, and you get a lovely baby like you

DD: Did you push the baby out?

Me: Yes, but you body helps to push it out too.

DD1 (7) and dd2 then proceeded to do a very funny impression of giving birth, pretending to push etc, not sure where they have seen it, perhaps a TV show or a film.

Told friend about this when she came round with her ds (6). She thinks I am really OTT on my explanations of body parts (e.g naming penis, vagina etc and stating matter of factly what they do), sex, perods etc. She says boys are different and her ds has never asked about these things so she hasn't discussed it and doesn't plan to for a long time. According to her he thinks his penis is only to pee from and the only reason girls don't have one is so we can tell them apart! Our kids have no sex-ed at school (live abroad) and I think she needs to start to tell him the basics before someone at school does. She half-jokingly said not to mention anything whilst he's around as if I go too far.

I want my dds (and my ds) to grow up not being embarrassed about sex, their bodies etc. I am OTT with my attempts at sex-ed??

Baby doesn't come out of same hole as pee.

No. YANBU! Sex, relationships and reproduction should never be taboos.

I've had the childrens book of knowledge lying around since mine were very young. When they ask for more detail than that given in the book, I'm happy to discuss it with them.

YANBU. My approach is that if you're asked a straight question by your kids you give a straight (age appropriate) answer. DS (11) is just doing sex-ed at school and, unlike the ones blushing madly and looking at their shoes in embarrassment, he's right in there asking questions.

Obviously your friend is entitled to take a different approach with her own children but she shouldn't expect you to change yours.

Good point LB! Accurate info's important

YANBU - much better for them to have accurate information. So long as you answer their questions, and stop adding detail when their attention fades, you can't overdo it.

If you don't talk to them about it then when they do find out it seems gross and scary instead of natural and normal. I was in my teens before I found out and I was terrified! If you talk to them about it then they accept it as just part of life and it won't hold any fear for them.

Do be sure as they get older to talk to them about safety however (not letting anyone touch them on the parks that their swimsuits cover) and self respect; i.e. not following the crowd and being unafraid to say no.

Oh yes, you are right, I see I need to be more specific with my holes when discussing the vaginal area!

Yes,Rhubarb0 that's what my friend is like when we discuss these issues, a sort of shut-up-its-embarrassing. She says she didn't know where babies came from until her teens and her son can be the same.

She must have a very un-curious (is that a word?) child. First sex-ed question I got from my DS was prompted by - of all things - an episode of Tweenies! Video of a ewe giving birth and next thing I'm having to explain that yes, it's roughly the same for people but no, you don't get a lamb you get a baby....

"her ds has never asked about these things so she hasn't discussed it and doesn't plan to for a long time"

He has probably not asked because he has learned that his mum doesn't like talking about it and he doesn't want to embarrass her.

He probably never will ask. Why should he when can pick it all up from playground jokes, drawings on lavatory walls, and smutty magazines?

I disagree entirely. I see absolutely no need at 6 years old to start going into details about sex and babies etc. Of course he thinks his willy is just for weeing out of, why on earth at 6 should he think or know differently.

I think you should mind your own business when it comes to your friend and let her decide as and when she feels her son is ready to hear the facts of life. At 6 years old I can pretty much guarantee you that playground discussions do not include vaginas, penises, menstruation etc.

Playground discussions tend to include lots of things, many of them false and frightening

No, you're not OTT.

My DS is only 5, I am expecting DC3 any day. He started asking where the baby was, how it got there and how it was going to get out again, several months ago.

I haven't discussed loads of things with him yet, mostly very female-specific (periods etc) or emotional (relationships, sexuality). But I have answered his questions, told him the correct words for things, and hopefully given him a good foundation to build on. And some books for reference!

I've only met one parent so far who has been openly shocked that he knows about 'seeds' and 'eggs' and penises and vaginas. I can't remember a time I didn't know, and I'd like it to be as normal and natural for my own children.

If my daughter asks stuff I give her a factual answer and if any other child asked me I would also.

I think parents who want to hide this kind of stuff from their kids or make up stuff about the stork or the gooseberry bush in this day and age are being VVU.

I don't think YABU, my daughter knew all about reproduction etc when she was 6 years of age, I was pregnant and she wanted to know how it all worked, I bought her a book to read and answered any questions she had, in fact she was there when her brother was born.

Knew you would be jumped on for the pee hole comment! Although it would be diffucult to go in to specifics to a 6 year old so why people (only mumsnet ive noticed) get weird about it I dont know. Any way neither of you is bu. How you raise your kids is up to you.