AIBU to not want my mum staying over as soon as I've given birth?

[pipparoo]

As the years go on my relationship with my mum is getting more and more disfunctional. When she comes to visit she is completely disrespectful to my husband and sees no harm in telling us what to do/force her opinion on us.

I am due to give birth in the next few weeks and my mum (who lives 200 miles away) has stated that she is coming to stay for the night when the baby is born. She stayed with us when our daughter was born and completely ignored my husband's role in his new baby's life and made us both feel uncomfortable in our own home. AIBU to not want her to come to stay? Really what I think I need is some advice on how to deal with her that doesn't resort in the usual screaming matches/her telling us that she never wants to see us again etc etc. Can't face such at this late stage!

TIA

I agree with NightKitchen. Tell her that she will not be staying with you as it is not convenient. Don't give her a reason that she can argue against.

If she starts being rude or screaming at you, put the phone down.

If she sulks, well you've got your time of peace! If she keeps phoning for a fight, tell her "Mum I'm not arguing about this. Do call back when you're ready to be friendly again".

If she is used to manipulating you by screaming or threatening a row, then she isn't going to change unless you show her that that tactic no longer works.

I have a great relationship with my parents, but they insisted on staying in a hotel when they came to see DD. They didn't want to stay in our house.

I was going to invite them over, but my mum had more sense and pointed out that 1) I would probably not want to worry over house guests when I had just given birth and 2) that this newborn time belong to me and DP and we deserved some private time.

In hindsight she was definitely right, those first days are exhausting and it was nice to have a lot of private swooning time with little one.

So YANBU, just being sensible.

You are totally within your rights to say "sorry, we'd love to have you around but immediately after coming out of hospital is not going to be the best time as we need to settle in and get into the swing of things." Would she get the hump if you said that?