DC aged 14 and 12 at home on their own all day

[exaspomum]

I am going into hospital for approx 5 days during the school holidays. AIBU to think that my DC of 12 and 14 should help with the housework and so on while DH is at his work during the day instead of spending the time (a long way away) with MILs? Older DC would like to be with the ILs whereas younger DC isn't bothered. We're going to spend a Little bit of time with them the week before.
DH could take time off his work while I'm in hospital, but it would be more useful for him to take the following week off when I'm recovering at home. I'll be having a lot of treatment over the next six months and will probably need an increasing amount of help in that time so we want to save as much of his holidays for then. (Poor DH)
14 is such a tricky age - sigh.
I'd love to know what you think.

I think OP said they werer planning for DH to have time off later on when she needed help later on pissesglitter

I agree with others, under the circs they should stay with your MIL. All should muck in when you are back home.

Thinking of you

Thankyou everybody for your advice. It's hard to do what's best for everyone isn't it? I was thinking about DH as well as myself - he's not going to get anything remotely resembling a summer holiday this year.

I think under normal circumstances, your children are more than old enough to be home alone but not this time. Not because something might happen to them but more because they need support from family and you need comfort in the knowledge your family is being well looked after. This is how I would feel.

Quite frankly you are an amazing woman for being worried about your DH not having a holiday this summer. Seeing you every day, far outweighs any holiday I'm sure.

Can DH go stay with his mum for a bit of TLC and still work too? Just an idea.

I hope your hospital stay allows you to find some relief.

sorry to hear about your health - it would be more reassuring and easier for you i think if your dcs were being looked after by family.
a few years back i had the same dilemma re holidays and ill health and it was a weight off my mind to know they were occupied - the less stress for you the better.
best wishes.

Thankyou for your advice. It's difficult to please everybody sometimes, isn't it? I was thinking about my husband who won't get anything remotely like a normal break from his work for ages, (and will have to take food in to the hospital for me every day, as I have so many food allergies that the hospital catering have pretty much given up on me - shocked face emoticon, only not clever enough) whereas DC are going to a holiday camp of their choosing (different ones for each) for a week and spending some time before my op with the PILs (and me).
PILs haven't ACTUALLY offered to have the DC - though I'm sure they'd be happy to if asked. Pity MIL hasn't offered to stay here while I'm in hospital imo. Everyone would be looked after then.
However the real difficulty is that I can NEVER MAKE DECISIONS!

Oops sorry. I've posted nearly the same message twice.

I agree with Inertia. Normally, I leave my 14 and 11yo all over the place, but in a situation like this I would want them to have support. This is one time when I think they should be allowed to be little and above all, to have a choice; if this is what your older dc wants it should be respected. You wouldn't want to come back and find that one of them has been self-harming; it's the sort of thing that could easily happen.

I've left a 14 and 12 year old at home during the day. But in these circumstances I would send them to your MIL. Ii would stop you worrying about them while you're in hospital and your DH would only have to clear up after himself
So he'll have more time to visit you. They can help out when you're outbid hospital and need some recovery time.

if they go to the mil's though, there will be very little housework to do

cant granny come and mind them at yours?

yes, that sounds perfect, that someone comes to your house to look after them.they will be in their own surroundings.
wishing you the best of luck for your treatment of course. they must be worried and i think that mil staying would solve any problems. she can bring them to visit you hopefully.

Wish you all the best. For this time I would think they might want the comfort of family around. Perfect solution would be MIL to stay at yours!! I would want them to have company of MIL in the day, although they are 'Old enough' your health might be making them feel younger?xxxxx

normally they would be old enough to look after themselves and help out a bit..
.. but I thnik they are a bit young, frankly, to be alone all day when their mum is in hospital won't they just worry about you? don't they need adult reassurance?

5 days is a long time to worry about your mum.

Stubbornhubby, I like to think they WON'T be worried about me - I've made sure that they think the prognosis is extremely good. They've visited me in hospital before (very impressed by the mini-tv on a swivelly arm)! There's a good train service to the hospital btw.
Love your tag - I have a stubbornhubby too.

I think your dc will be beside themselves with worry.They are old enough to know about cancer and whatever you have said they will be aware.They will be much better with loving dgp while you are in hospital rather than brooding and bickering at home alone.
I have had chemotherapy and know how wretched it can make you feel-there will lots they can do for you then but while you are in hospital surely your dh can manage alone-your dc surely cant.

.. but five days is a long time, long enough to become worried when your 14, on your own. And presumably they'll visit you, and presumably you won't look well :-(

Op- i was in hospital with pneumonia (but not life threating) and it was only recently after 2 years (i have been unwell and been left with health problems so they didn't want to worry me sooner) that my DD's have been able to discuss their fears with me, so don't underestimate how they are feeling. Having your MIL may help alleviate soom of their fears. Mine were looked after my mum (i am widowed) and they say that having that support system was better than being at home and realising what it would be like without me, it was just like when i was working and they had to go to my mums. My youngest hated having to go round to get anything and me not being there.

Bless you, I hope that your operation goes well. This must be a ghastly time for everyone concerned.

If you were just going in for a routine op, Iwould say leave the children at home, they are well old enough to rise to the challenge and help out, and tbh I think most kids would enjoy the responsibility.

However, because of the severity of your illness I think that it woudl be best all round for them to go away to the in laws. Less stress for you in hospital fretting if they are OK, less hassle for your DP flitting between the hospital and home, and a bit more TLC for your kids as such a trying time for the family.