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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended if you were invited to our wedding and we did not

69 replies

cupcakesyum · 19/06/2011 10:19

have the traditional wedding breakfast.

The reason being ,we dont want tradition in our wedding or speeches ,we want it to be very relaxed and informal.

We are planning to marry later in the day,and the wedding ceremony and eve is in one place,after we would offer drinks,canapes sandwiches,then wedding cake.

What are your thoughts,thanks in advance Mnetters I know you wont hold backGrin.

OP posts:
LRDTheFeministDragon · 19/06/2011 10:47

It sounds nice and I totally agree you should do what you want - but if you want opinions, I'd say you don't need the first round of canapes/drink. And losing it would mean you have less of the samey food - essentially you'll have three sets of what I imagine would be fairly similar food. But it sounds nice to me!

Yukana · 19/06/2011 10:49

Sounds lovely cupcakesyum. :) No, I wouldn't be offended, and I hope you have a fantastic day.

Original poster
cupcakesyum · 19/06/2011 10:52

Ok thanks everyone I will get rid of the drinks and canapes before wedding.

How can I ensure wine is available should I give tokens,have a waiter go round or any suggetsions?.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupcakesyum · 19/06/2011 10:54

Mollychambers had not thought about having a photographer?,tbh if we did we would need to delay the buffett,thanks for your advice.

OP posts:
canihavemypocketmoney · 19/06/2011 10:55

God I wish the wedding I'm going to next weekend was going to be like yours ! Yes as long as people know what to expect then not only isnt it a problem, but the majority will love it. Warmest wishes for a great day.

Peachy · 19/06/2011 10:57

Not at all

Weddings should be as wanted. The only thing that ever offended me about a wedding was not being thanked for my gift. Other than that- nah.

Besides what you decribe is pretty trad where I grew up. And the less formal weddings have always been most fun.

MollysChamber · 19/06/2011 10:57

Just have drinks served for about an hour or so prior to the buffet. Gives people a chance to mingle and chat. Have the photos taken then. Should be long enough assuming you can have them taken at the venue.

MollysChamber · 19/06/2011 10:58

Actually scratch that - you don't have to pay for the drinks. A bar will suffice.

HipHopOpotomus · 19/06/2011 10:58

It's your wedding, do it your way.
YABU to be so approval seeking really!!!!! Cut loose, do what you want re your wedding (and your life)

Original poster
cupcakesyum · 19/06/2011 11:01

I agree Peachy I will defiantley send thank you cards,it would be rude not to but I dont know if we will ask for anything tbh.

OP posts:
darleneoconnor · 19/06/2011 11:03

I much prefer buffet weddings to boring sit down set meals.

OooohShiny · 19/06/2011 11:05

Sounds fab. I got married in my back garden and had nothing prior to the ceremony, there was a buffet laid out in the house and the bar was in the garage. People could graze on the food, wander around, eat when they wanted....whatever took their fancy. Everyone really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere :)

LRDTheFeministDragon · 19/06/2011 11:14

Please come back and tell us how it went - it sounds absolutely perfect! Smile

fatlazymummy · 19/06/2011 11:23

OP your plan sounds great . Personally I would keep the pre ceremony drinks with a few nibbles.
oohshiney your wedding sounds absolutely lovely to me.

honeyandsalt · 19/06/2011 11:28

We had a buffet from a good caterer and it went down brilliantly! Imho speeches can be a short and sweet toast, and they're touching to have. Re the wedding photographer, try looking for one who is happy not to hijack half your evening with posed photographs (if this element is impt to you, I'd suggest scheduling a photoshoot before or the day after), and is skilled in getting beautiful photojournalistic shots.

tbh people are much more likely to be bitchy about an overfancy do, yours sounds fab x

zipzap · 19/06/2011 11:46

Sounds good but as others say let people know what is happening so they know what to expect re eating.

We went to a wedding recently which was fairly standard but they decided to have the speeches first. It was already 6pm when we sat down and then we had to wait for nearly an hour for food. Felt much longer especially as we were hungry and you could smell the food. Plus had starving little ones that just. Wanted. To. Eat. Annd weren't that bothered by speeches or even playing with the toys and colouring we'd brought. Would have been much easier to relax and listen to the speeches on a full stomach! And we were relatively lucky - we had been caught for hours in a motorway holdup so got to the reception with moments to spare having had no lunch, the Dcs had already gone through the emergency snacks I'd taken. So at least we had been able to stop en route to the reception and grab a Macdonalds (not a great fan of them but was very grateful to see the golden arches appear on the horizon in a strange town with no other hope of food until the evening!)! Everyone else there had had lunch before going to the ceremony so a good couple of hours before us and were all starving.

FriskyMare · 19/06/2011 12:10

When my DB got married, the bridesmaids and ushers had baskets full of lovely pastries and drinks to keep the guests happy after the service whilst photos were being taken. many is the time DH and I have snuck back to the car for a sarnie cos we were starving!:)

cazzybabs · 19/06/2011 12:13

sounds lovely .. but you may wish to let people know so they can sort out lunch etc

Hulababy · 19/06/2011 12:17

Not at all.

We did something very similar. We got married abroad but on return to England we had a catholic church blessing, which is pretty much the same as any other wedding ceremony. We got married at 3pm and then went straight to the reception. We hd just over 100 guests. About 6pm we served a finger buffet (had a bar, but not a free one) and then sered cake afterwards. Was very relxaed and informal. And it all went really well and noone appeared to be bothered at all. Infact everyone seemed to have a great time laughing and dancing and chatting. There wasno formalility like you have with a sit down meal, which suited us all fine.

ItsNotRocketSurgery · 19/06/2011 12:24

Sounds like there will be plenty of food, so that's good.

If there is an order of service for the ceremoney could it include some kind of plan for the rest of the day so people know what is coming up?

Also, if you are having a buffet, will there be space for everyone to sit down?

harrietlichman · 19/06/2011 12:49

I went to a family wedding with just canapes for the day guests and the food didn't come till the evening guests arrived (about 8pm) people had been drinking since 3 - it got very messy and now, three years on, half of the family isn't speaking to the rest as a result the general mayhem and drunkeness that ensued. Your family may be better behaved than mine, but be very careful about lots of drunk people with no food to line the stomacs/act as a distraction!

bringinghomethebacon · 19/06/2011 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maypole1 · 19/06/2011 12:58

Its your do, have your day who you want

raspberrytipple · 19/06/2011 18:33

It sounds fine, I've spent a lot if time asking lots of people similar questions and everyone has said it's not a problem. We are getting married at 330 then having a few pics done. Then everyone back to the reception for canapés, nibbles, specially made cupcakes and bowls of fresh strawberries (only decided strawberries today cos been strawberry picking!!!). Evening guests invited from 730 pm, buffet for all out at 8 pm. Thinking behind that is that DH and I can get chatty with the evening arrivals while family get first dibs on food as they wont have eaten for a while. We have told all family coming to the ceremony to make sure they have lunch! Everyone has said it sounds fine and yours sounds fine too :). As others have said, as long as people know what to expect it will be perfect :)

milkybarkidsgirlfriend · 19/06/2011 19:20

having just been to a wedding along these lines, I had to ring my parents to come and collect our children as after a 1pm service, by 8pm my kids were starving! canapes were served, however some delightful guests basically loaded themselves up with the lot, so the waiting staff never made it into the room where we and a few other guests/family were sat.

We didnt know that the day was following this line, if we had, i would of taken a packed lunch for the children. It would of made thier day and ours a little less pained!! The evening buffet didnt arrive until 9pm, by which time the bridesmaids were squabbling (very jollily) over the fruit in the pimms!