to expect another parent to send my child home with everything he left the house with?

[Yogagirl17]

DS(7) is notorious for losing stuff. I make sure everything he owns is clearly labled adn am usually able to retreive stuff lost at school.

A friend often takes DS to and from a club along with his own DS as he goes every week anyway and helps to supervise (he offered, I never asked!). They often need to bring stuff - a water bottle or a lunch box or a jacket or jumper depending on the weather and if they are going to be outside, etc. And not suprisingly DS keeps coming home without anything he isn't actually wearing. I keep asking the other parent if he knows where the missing things are adn explain DS forgets stuff, could he keep an eye on things etc. But for the most part I've just stopped sending with him anything that is not absolutley essential and/or disposable but sometimes that's not possible. A couple of weeks ago they were going to be outside and rain was forecast. When the other parent collected DS he asked me if he had a jacket, as he thought he would need it. I handed the jacket to the parent. DS never even wore it. So when he came home without it I asked the parent where it was. He said it was not his responsibility, he only offered to drive, not be responsible for DS' belongings! I'm really annoyed but don't know what to say! It's now finished fort the summer as well so dont' want to start an argument right before we all go away but .. AIBU?

Yes and no really.

I always ask kids I'm with "Have you got everything" but if they say 'yes' and it turns out they haven't...well that's not my responsibility.

Though I suppose if they were under the age of say 5, I would try to be more observant about what they've brought with them.

I have tried to get DS to be more responsible for his own stuff - for several weeks as he left the house I would say to him - "today you have a JUMPER with you. Make sure you come home with your jumper". But it was hopeless and never did any good. :(

Some kids are like that...too much going on in their heads

Sometimes it takes something like losing a personal possesion or forgetting homework and getting in trouble to make them more aware.

You spend their pocvket money or money that you could use doing something nice on the thing they have lost - telling them what they are missing.

Worked with DD after a while she got fed up with having to replace her swimming goggles!

At 7 I would blame the kid - friend is doing you a favour after all - if it is such an issue take him yourself.

YABU if the other parent is, as they say, just driving him to a club, even though he does help supervise. It's not the other parent's fault your son is forgetful. If, however, he was going to play at their house, then I would expect all the kit to be returned and the parent to take responsibility for this.

He's right

YABU

It sounds like the parent is doing you a favour in the first place, I don't think you can then complain about his standard of care. Drive the kids yourself if it's this much of a problem.

Well if I take responsibility for a child I pretty much accept I'm taking responsibility for their belongings too. Unless we're talking 13 year olds here but I assume we're not. They leave with what they brought, I'd expect the same.

You should drive him yourself if you're not prepared to accept the driver's statement that he won't be responsible for belongings, and if you can't train your DS to bring his things home. Have you tried sending him with a list?

Hmm.

The last example, where the other parent suggested that your son take a jacket whihc was then lost tips the balance of the scale for me - until then I would say that you were being unreasonable. I would have expected him to ask your DS where his jacket was on the way home since he was the one who suggested he take the jacket.

Can you take your son yourself next year? Seems like it would be less bother.

Is your DS just 7yo or almost 8yo? DD is still careless but has improved a lot in the last year or so.

Problem is I couldn't take him myself this year as it conflicted with another activity I have to take DD to. I originally told DS he couldn't join the club for this very reason. But the other parent was keen for my DS to join and insisted it was no trouble. Even so, for most of the little stuff (like water bottles) I accept that I can't expect the other parent to look after every little thing. But it's the jacket that annoys me the most, not only becuase it's bigger and more expensive but because I handed it directly to the parent and DS never even wore it.

I probably will be able to take him myself next year and I'm not prepared to fall out over it so I guess i'm jsut venting.

But I would like to add that if I were looking after someone else's child I would expect to be responsible for their belongings - at least until they were a bit older.

Perhaps they ebayed it?

I'd take him out of the club
or buy him cheaper stuff from matalan etc

YABU. Even though the guy offered to take your dc he's still saving you a job - you can't expect him to remember everything your ds has with him. You need to drum it into your ds to bring everything home and if he can't then you need to take him yourself to make sure.
Maybe try getting your ds to take a bag big enough to put everything in while he's not using it (inc coat etc) tell him if he's not wearing it/drinking from it or whatever at the time it must go straight in the bag - then it's just the one thing to remember.

I take other people's children home quite often. I entertain them, feed them, cook with them, care for them when their parents get caught at work, take them out for their tea on occasions. That's because they are my daugther's friends. I, however, am not their keeper. I don't accept responsibility for their belongings. If they forget stuff at my house, they forget stuff. I'll drop it back to them the next day or when I remember (which can often be some time later, cos I'm very scatterbrained). I equally don't expect them to remember everything my daugther takes to their houses. If she forgets stuff, and misses out because of it, that's her problem.

YABU in my opinion. I know it's frustrating when your kid forgets something important, but making a parent who's helping you out responsible for that stuff is taking the mickey.

Meant to say that your friend is more tolerant than me because if I dropped one of my dc's friends home from a club only to get in the earhole because they forgot their coat I don't think I'd be doing it again!

Probably the parent makes their own DC take responsibility for their things so they don't want to start doing it. They offered a lift and they are giving a lift-so I don't see a problem.

Exactly exotic and they've now made it crystal clear that they don't want to be responsible for belongings so the OP has a clear choice. Carry on having friend take him and accept the inconvenience of the odd missing water bottle or do it herself.

Can you not call the group leader and ask where your sons belongings are - surely if a coat is left behind then they will pick it up and keep it until next time.

If you gave the coat to the parent, then I do think they should have remembered it. Especially as they suggested taking it in the first place!
So in that case, YANBU at all.

They suggested a coat-they didn't suggest they were looking after it! I think we run after our DCs too much, I am guilty of it. I admire someone who won't and think they have it right!