AIBU to take my 4 year old to 3 month scan?

[SenoritaViva]

I specifically asked DH if he wanted to come to scan and could he definitely make it as they allocated a time when I would have DD. So his role was to see scan but also make sure DD isn't a PITA. He now says he has a conference call when the appointment starts.

It's too late to make other arrangements, do you think the hospital will be a bit annoyed? That's the main questions

Please also tell me IABU (which I am) to be peeved at DH for letting me down. I know it's work but I would have rescheduled the appointment if he'd said he wasn't sure or organised for someone to look after DD so that he had room for flexibility.

Hope all went well OP.
I personally would never take a child to a scan appointment but that is because at DS2's 20 week scan I was told he had died.
I was so glad DH was there and DS1 wasn't!
I know my experience is, thankfully, rare but I wouldn't want anyone to go through that with a toddler in tow.

''but imagine another member of staff could look after the LO while the HCP spoke to the parents.''

Staffing is often desperate with the sonographer alone and oversubscribed. Creche facilities do not exist anymore, although that used to be the case in my hosp I would agree.

They are performing a complex medical exam. They need to concentrate. Obviously your DC is very good and will behaved ..... :) but I've had my concentration wrecked by plenty who Dad cannot control and are under no control if there alone with Mum!

My saddest memories are of breaking bad news to parents who were unable to control their emotions in front of their small children. The confusion and distress on the LO faces. Horrible.

I hope it went well OP.

Sadly like many others I have had two scans which turned out not to be routine and that I had miscarried, I was on my own for first one as OH couldn't get time off work. I wouldn't have wanted my eldest children with me. consequently when expecting my DD2 I didn't even tell the children I was pregnant until I was about 26 weeks - they just thought I was getting fatter

We did it, took DD who was nearly 2.5. We bought her a medical kit to play with and that helped.
YANBU for being peeved at being let down.

Despite having two MCs before having DS1, I did take him to the 12 week scan for DS2. He was 2.5. It was probably a daft thing to do, but I knew that if necessary, I could hold it together in front of him. We took sticker books and he was totally absorbed and not remotely interested in the screen.

Yes EverythingInMiniature, because in the NHS there are OODLES of staff standing around waiting to babysit...

It is a medical examintion! If you want your kids to meet their sibling-to-be there are private companies purely for that purpose!!

As I student in EPU I looked after the DD of a lady who was miscarrying, but if I'd not been there, there wouldn't have been anyone to do it as we had (luckily, it turned out) fit the patient in right at the end of the day as she was worried. So I wouldn't advise anyone to just assume their children can be kept an eye on!

When I had a missed miscarriage I had my dd with me, Was 11 months at the time. It never even occurred to me not too. I was sent there staight from gp's and couldn't get someone to look after her at short notice. Hospital didn't mind at all.

scan btw.

I took dd to every scan and mw appointment when pg with ds as I just didnt have any where else to leave them. DD loved being part of it and mw was fantastic with both scans and an appointmens, they involved her throughout.

I now have to take both dd and ds to every appointment with the new pregnance as well and havent given it a seconds thought.

We took dd1 to scans when I was pregnant with dd2 purely because we didn't have anyone to look after her. Not everyone has oodles of people around who can babysit at any given time. Dd1 also came with me to my other antenatal check ups, I suppose I could have been given bad news at any of those, but I simply didn't have anyone to take her.

I've just had a missed miscarriage..only diagonised at my scan (which was late..16 weeks not 12 weeks) and i had no idea at ALL that the baby had died. I was in shock and devastated (still am, was only 3 weeks ago). I am now very cynical about these things and think that you very much could receive bad news. You'd be in no fit state at ALL to look after your 4 yr old if you did receive bad news. It's a serious day...one which now in the future I won't even be thinking about being 'excited' about - I'll be scared and anxious.

Kitesurfgirl - sorry to hear about your MMC. Finding out at the first scan is truly horrible - I remember the shock of feeling that my body had been deceiving me all that time. Take care of yourself.

I think the radiographer has to concentrate hard which is why they don't want a boisterous toddler bouncing about.
OP I don't think 'clinginess' is a reason enough to have to take your 4 yo.She will be starting school in a few months .you need to get her used to coping in different environments without you!

DD1 came to my 20 week scan she was not quite 3 so I'm not sure how much she would have understood if all had not been well. DH was abroad at the time and babysitting thin on the ground.
Actually I didn't really think about what if there's a problem. Despite all the rescans and heart traces I'd had with DD1 (because she was small for dates), I'd somehow never felt like panicking. Somehow I trusted her and in the end she was born naturally on the day the consultant wanted to induce her.
My second pregnancy felt just the same except DD2 (as she became at that scan) didn't panic any MWs. In fact I doubt my bump was any bigger and she was only 3oz heavier at 6 lb 6 and also born a few days early.

I can't imagine what it's like to find you've lost the baby during a scan

Thank you everyone for your input. I was really sorry to hear some of your sad stories, my thoughts are with you. That is what I was concerned about as I didn't want to expose DD to anything 'bad', nor have to cope with her questions if I was emotional. Luckily for me all was fine - thanks for your well wishes.

DD was one of 4 (out of 8) couples with children there. I was quite surprised, and I agree with others that it is not the NHS staff's responsibility to look after the children if there is bad news.

DD did seem to enjoy it, the staff really were lovely to her. She was intrigued by the jelly on my tummy and behaved brilliantly. Still, next time I think I will make sure that one of my friends looks after her so that if DH is pulled into a meeting last minute I don't have the same problem.

Reshape thanks x not only was the shock just horrendous...we were looking at the baby on the monitor when the women casually just said 'hmmm how far gone did you think you were again..because I can't find a heartbeat' Just. Like. That. Can't fault the labour ward staff who were fantastic afterwards, but hopefully if i get pregnant again I will not be getting excited about the scan at all. That feeling of shock/grief/sick all in one just hit us. Awful. Plus it was my first baby..not a great first experience of going for a scan.
senorita Happy that everything went well for you x

Glad all was ok Senorita and its good that the hospital were fine with you taking DD.

I had a problem going for scans because I had no one to look after DD1 (1yr old at the time). New town, knew no one, and I mean no one. Too ill to go out to toddler groups and meet anyone, no family, DH works away for months at a time.

I knew its not ideal, I knew I might have to deal with bad news (had bad news at scan before) but still I had to take DD1 with me or I wouldn't have been able to have my scans at all.