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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's out of order not saying thank you for a birthday present

23 replies

Thefoxsbrush · 16/06/2011 21:21

Its my nephews 5th birthday, I bought him £30 worth of presents. My sil didn't say thank you. My nephew didn't say thank you. Not the first time it's happened. Should I say something???

OP posts:

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 16/06/2011 21:27

What about

"Did he like his presents?"
"Yes"
"Oh, I am glad, you're welcome. It's lovely to hear he likes them."

Might that pass a message in a way it would be impossible for her to take offence at or anything

Pumpernickel10 · 16/06/2011 21:28

Rude buggers! Sounds like your SIL is an ungrateful so and so

LineRunner · 16/06/2011 21:29

It's up to your brother to thank you, isn't it? That would be nice.

troisgarcons · 16/06/2011 21:30

yes ....simple really ...

BUT - did you hand them over or did you post them?

were they received?

Don't why the value is important though.

If you were there and gve the present over then YOU sould have prompted manners - a 5yo may be too excited to remember manners .... but your SIL (presumably your brothers wife) or your brother should have acknowledged

WhoAteMySnickers · 16/06/2011 21:34

YANBU to expect a thank you.

But your SIL's husband (your brother or your DH's brother?) is equally to blame for not thanking you or ensuring your nephew thanked you.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 16/06/2011 21:35

I assumed that the gift was handed to the child in the presence of the sil and the brother wasn't there, that's why he's not mentioned.

Original poster

Thefoxsbrush · 16/06/2011 21:38

No price isn't important but I always go to a lot of effort in picking nice presents I know people will love and it's not nice to not feel appreciated.

I dropped presents to sil in person through the week. She didn't say anything as it was discreetly done in front of nephew.

We are a close family and I've txtd her today to ask what they did and if he had a nice bday.....she replied telling me what they did- no mention of present though!!!

I just can't stand rudeness like this and makes me wonder why I bother at times!!

I'll see what happens when I see them in person at the weekend.

OP posts:

pecanpie · 16/06/2011 21:40

Welcome to my world! Our gifts are usually either sent by post or with MiL (they live in the US). Usually a mention to MiL such as 'they do know that the present was from us, don't they?' prompts at least a thank you email these days. SiL (DH's brother's wife) and BiL have made no effort to teach their oldest son to say please and thank you so he now point blank refuses (which gets him nowhere when they visit our house).

Original poster

Thefoxsbrush · 16/06/2011 21:42

To clarify, the birthday boy in question is my husbands' sisters son x

OP posts:

Firawla · 16/06/2011 21:46

I would text back and say did he like the present? it might prompt her to say thanks

LineRunner · 16/06/2011 21:46

So tell your husband to pull his finger out. How is this fair on you?

AurraSing · 16/06/2011 21:52

How long ago was it? It takes mine ages to write thank you cards.

OurPlanetNeptune · 16/06/2011 21:53

Has she got form for this? If so, that is bad manners.

BUT, it depends on how many presents your nephew received. When it is one my DS's birthdays they will receives dozens of presents. We open them at a rate of one or two a week, and the birthday boy will have to write a thank you note for each present as it is opened. This means some people will not receive a thank you note until months after the present was received. Could this be it, no?

troisgarcons · 16/06/2011 21:58

Lovvie - gotta say - blunt is the new way forward!

Just ask ....Did he like XYZ?

But I remember my Dad spending hour upon hour building me a dolls house. I knew he was making it and I was just so excited. And my birthday came and I went and played with it , lost in the whole beauty of it, putting in my furniture, moving dolls, playing games. My mum said ' you havent told daddy you love it' .... and I can remember thinking, even at 5 or 6 ..... 'he should know I love it because I am so excited about it"

It kinda spoilt it because I would have gone to bed and just said 'daddy, that was the best present ever' rather than been prompted

Original poster

Thefoxsbrush · 16/06/2011 21:58

He would have opened them on his bday. It has happened every year and it happens with her older sons/daughters too.

It's not my husbands problem-they're my family too plus I choose always buy presents as I enjoy doing it and he wouldn't have a clue!

It was his bday yesterday so maybe I am over-reacting too soon but w've had fb and txt chats so she should've mentioned it then!

Hmph!

OP posts:

curtaincall · 16/06/2011 21:59

I've spent 30 years sending presents for new baby, birthday and Christmas to 8 nephews and nieces. In total I've had about 10 thank you's from (just worked it out) more than 400 presents. Each one carefully researched, time taken to shop, giftwrapped, taken miles to PO, cost etc etc. I'll keep doing it for them in the hope that they appreciate at some level a gift from a distant mad aunty might give, though can't pretend I don't resent the laziness/entitlement of the parents in not bothering to even ask the children to ring let alone write. I even count a text as a thank you so hope am not too demanding. For most of this I was childless. Haven't received many presents for my ds (except from generous dsis) but hey ho who's counting? I am

Sorry for rant - I didn't know how cross I still am.

YANBU !

curtaincall · 16/06/2011 22:03

You could always send him a packet of thank you cards and envelopes as part of his present next year

LineRunner · 16/06/2011 22:04

What I think is out of order is the assumption that it's ok for women to be the ones to buy the present, deliver the present, and have to arrange for saying thankyou for the present.

There are two men and a boy involved in this scenario.

Maybe they don't give a shit.

Original poster

Thefoxsbrush · 16/06/2011 22:14

Love that idea curtaincall! Think your situation is something I've got to look forward to!! Oh dear

I enjoy buying presents. I get a lot of satisfaction out of Finding perfect suitable presents and hubby would never get a look in (which suits him just fine)

I think it should either be the child or the parent I gave the present to who says thanks! Sex isn't involved! I never ever txt my bil though but I'm in contact with sil every day so it seems right that it would be her rather than him who says thanks xx

OP posts:

LineRunner · 16/06/2011 22:15

I give up.

KoolAidKid · 16/06/2011 22:18

Mmmmm....I would say your SIL is a bit thoughtless. Your nephew is too young to have the initiative to ring / write and thank you.

My own sister is like this. I send presents for my nieces and nephews in the post and she often doesn't acknowledge she's received them, and I worry they've been lost by royal mail.

Then eventually a month or 2 later she'll mention them and thank me. Tis just the way she is. She has a very stressful, full time job and 3 children, so I let her off.

I'm sometimes a bit forgetful myself and I only have 1 child (and stressful full time job). I don't think it's rude as such, as it's usually not intentional.

redexpat · 17/06/2011 15:39

Love curtaincalls idea!! I used to volunteer in the oxfam shop and had several aunties buy chickens instead of 'proper' presents because they didn't receive a thank you the year before.

Pinkiemum · 17/06/2011 16:37

My sister is the same, I never get thank yous from my niece and nephew I always have to ask if they have received their presents in the post, It really upsets my other sister as well. We always send thank you cards from my daughter when she recieves gifts in the mail and will always tell people when we receive a parcel in the post especially if someone has bought something over the internet, how else do they know if their present has been delivered.

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