AIBU to expect dp to clean to my standards?

[shavmcv]

I'm not a clean freak or have OCD and I prefer my house to look lived in rather than like a showhome , however I do like it clean and tidy . I hate wen my dp and dd don't put things away after they r finished with them . Dp and I work shifts so if I am on backshift and come in at 11pm I expect to not have to clear the bathroom floor of the clothes dd had on before her bath , or make dd packed lunch , or take the load of washing out that I put on before I left for work etc etc .

Now don't get me wrong dp is quite domesticated , I think it's the new generation of men !! But I usually have to give him instructions and I feel like I'm treating him like a child. An I think he feels like that too .

How can I get him to have the house like I would have it without having to leave a list of "to do's" and instructions . I take care of the finances , repairs and diy , arranging childcare - pretty much the running o the house as a whole . And even when I am not there or he is doing things it's only because I have noticed it needs done and asked him to do it .

He is a great partner soon to be husband and father but how can I get him to take charge ? Eg I'd like him to go "oh the cupboard needs cleared out, il do it" rather than either waiting on me to do it or waiting on me to ask him
to do it .

backpack sorry typo!

Ok so I've had a think about it and it's not so much that he doesn't clean / tidy the way way I would - it's that he doesn't keep the place tidy in the first place .

For example - instead of putting things where they belong he will just set them down wherever he is . He usually comes to bed after me and when I get up with dd for school I find whatever he had been eating/drinking from the night before lying in the living room or on kitchen worktop and I will also find the packaging of whatever he has been eating on the worktop rather than in the bin , bottles of juice on the worktop instead of in the fridge , his shoes and bag lying randomly on the floor and his dirty clothes lying on the bathroom floor . I have a laundry basket in the bathroom - how is there even as excuse for that !!!!

So I have come to realise it's the fact that he leaves things at his arse instead of putting them away that bugs me the most . And I have spoke to him plenty of times before and he doesn't think there is a problem . I'm really at my wits end now I can actually feel anger rising inside me as I am writing this !! hahaha

Did his Mother do everything for him?

If so, he is probably genuinely unaware that he is responsible for tidying up after himself as he goes along. Many men have not been brought up with that concept due to their Mothers spoling them.

spoiling!

Wow dontgocurly I've never actually though about that - he lives mostly with his dad !! Think that's maybe got something to do with it ?

My mother didn't do everything for me and I am not a man, but I am still untidy. Basically, dh would have to either compromise (I am willing to compromise but not do all the changing) or not be married to me any more.