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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be seriously considering something my evil SIL said

57 replies

TeelaBrown · 15/06/2011 15:49

OK, first AIBU. Just to avoid being called unreasonable out of hand, I don?t really think she?s evil. She just doesn?t like me

I stammer some of the time when I speak. It is not the worst case of stammering ever, but it is noticeable to anyone I regularly talk to. Obviously I was bullied mercilessly when I was younger but I?m over it, and if anyone tries that now, I have a range of comebacks for dealing with them. It happens more when I?m stressed, so probably when she?s around! Anyway:

SIL: Do you think your baby will have a stammer?

(I?m pregnant, first baby)

Me: (pretending she is genuinely concerned) No, (smile) It?s not hereditary.

SIL: Right, but won?t it affect their language development, listening to you all day?

Me:

I have baby brain and I'm a bit of a worrier... so I just want to know... she's not right is she? I mean, obviously she is just being a bitch but WILL my speech impact on my child's language development or am I worrying about nothing? Does anyone know about this sort of thing or have any experience?

Hate her

OP posts:

Original poster

TeelaBrown · 15/06/2011 16:15

Ahhhhh... thanks for all the solidarity! Trying not to get too emotional at my desk at work. Bloody hormones.

I will take a look at those links now, thanks.

I suppose I have just been a bit worried about everything so far! This pregnancy was a bit of a 'surprise' and there's been a lot of logistical things to sort out etc.

I do try to have very little to do with her . Most of DH's family live near enough to us though so family things are unavoidable. SHe's jsut your classic playground bully really - sees me as an easy target becuase I don't like confrontation. I don't usually say anything to DH because I know he'll say something to her, and it'll fuel the idea that I can't fight my own corner.

Usually just tell myself, that as annoying as I find her, she actually has to live with herself all the time

OP posts:

BlooferLady · 15/06/2011 16:19

That has actually made my eyes water with rage on your behalf. God, I wish she was within slapping distance

Ask her if she's worried her children will grow up to be bullies like her.

I hope she gets thrush.

Also, what everyone else says.

MooMooFarm · 15/06/2011 16:22

Urgh she sounds horrible. I'm with you on not liking confrontation though, and it won't get you anywhere with somebody like that anyway. There are other ways to make yourself feel better though...

Offer to make her a nice cuppa next time you have to be in her company then spit in hers.

JenniL1977 · 15/06/2011 16:22

Bitch. My DH has a (quite severe) stammer, and it had never even crossed our minds that our baby might get it, or that it would affect her speech when she gets here - and I certainly don't think that now.
DH's stammer is part of who he is and I wouldn't change it for anything.
I'll come round and slap her for you. She can't fight a pregnant woman

MooMooFarm · 15/06/2011 16:22

Of course I've never done that myself

JenniL1977 · 15/06/2011 16:23

at "I hope she gets thrush" BlooferLady

MovingtoSolihull · 15/06/2011 16:26

Completely out of order.

Ignorant bully.

brass · 15/06/2011 16:26

I know others have said it but what a BITCH!

I can only give you an anecdotal answer OP. I have a good friend who stammers. He is a SAHD. They have 3 teen DC and they are all unaffected by his speech.

It is your first pregnancy. An amazing time, lots of anticipation of future joy.

She is SO trying to ruin it for you. Don't spend any time alone with her.

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 15/06/2011 16:27

I had a terrible stammer as a kid, could barely get out a short sentence, I still stammer when I am nervous, tired or stressed out, I stammered a lot around my daughter as I was ill with PND and anxiety for the first 3 years of her life. I still stammer now. She speaks perfectly. Your SIL is a nasty bitch who I would like to slap in the face, ignore her.

twolittlemonkeys · 15/06/2011 16:28

at your SIL's lack of tact! Ignore, ignore, ignore....

DH has a severe stammer, has done since he was 5, tried every therapy under the sun to no avail. Uses a speecheasy device in his ear at work which helps him be a little more fluent but doesn't work in situations where there is any background noise.

When DS1 (5) started stammering a year ago, DH went into a panic, doesn't want him to have to go through what he endured, however I think it was down to being in a school which didn't suit him - he was getting very stressed - developed tics, had toilet probs etc. He's been seeing the speech therapist on and off for over a year and she has been able to reassure us. DS's stammer is virtually non-existent now - he has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers and is now happy and relaxed at school, which has made a big difference.

Please don't let this worry you, as another poster said if your child does have a speech problem in the end, you are better placed than anyone to empathise and support him/her. DH has had lots of lovely moments with DS1 when he's frustrated and is able to reassure him that it's ok if you can't get out what you want to say, he has that problem, and that we still want to hear what he has to tell us. DH rarely stammers when he's just with me and DSs at home. It is very obvious when we're out and about, but I bet you'll be fine talking to your DC.

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 15/06/2011 16:35

I can only reiterate what has been said by everyone else BITCH , I don't think I would have been able to control my slappage ability there!

Unbelievable, truly!

This actually is something to bring up to your DH as far as I am concerned - you are pregnant, hormonal and this is worrying you! I think its not the case for fighting your own corner here but suggesting to dh that you are worried about it as it is something your sil brought up. I fully expect fireworks from your DH as this really is something that is unforgiveable as far as a comment is concerned. Its not just a comment is it, its a blatant blatant put down, a blatant way to make you feel as shit as possible and that really is not fair.

Meita · 15/06/2011 16:37

I can't pronounce the letter 'r' correctly. (And that's easy to write, but hard to say! I end up saying stuff like 'I can't pronounce the letter that comes between q and s in the alphabet correctly.' or 'you know, if you take the word toad, and remove the t, and add another letter instead, and it becomes another word for street, well that's the letter I can't say' )
Anyway I did worry a little that DS would pick up my slightly distorted speech. It's not very bad, some people never notice, but others do, the first time I talk to them.
But I've decided I wouldn't worry. Going on the fact that DS will probably not talk like either I or DP do - we both have a foreign accent. So to DS my speech oddity will probably just be part and parcel of how we all speak a bit differently.
My only concession was that there would be no r in his name. I could never spell it ;)

So I guess what I'm saying is, apart from genetics (I have no idea) I wouldn't worry about speech development - I think kids' peer groups are way more influential for speech development than our own parent selves, in this case.

Agree btw that her comment decidedly puts her in the 'bitch' corner.

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 15/06/2011 16:39

I meant to add but computer went ahead of me!

I fully expect that if she is this nasty now, she will only be nastier later too and frankly do you want your beloved little bambino around a venemous cow like that. Bet your DH won't either!

Alternatively store up lots of nasty bitchy comments for her - and if she brings it up again say that you will be delighted if your dc has a stammer as it is far better than being an evil conniving little person who only has the ability to bully people who they think are weaker than them. And you don't want a bully for a child as they never succeed.

naturalbaby · 15/06/2011 16:50

i have a southern accent and am a sahm so spend all day every day at home with my kids. ds1 speaks with his dad's midlands accent. go figure.
sil has moved up north and her dc1 has started speaking with a local accent as she is now in nursery, so is trying to speak like her friends.

Original poster

TeelaBrown · 15/06/2011 17:30

Wow. THis is all very helpful, especially those with positive personal experiences.

Twolittlemonkeys - I'm so happy for your son that he overcame his speech problems

I agree with everyone who has said that if my child does have speech problems, at least they will be picked up early and dealt with sensitively. Reading the NHS thing has shown me how many children have good outcomes if they get the right treatment.

I will DEFINITELY make sure that my child gets better treatment than I did should they need it. I had speech therapy but my parents eventually gave up because I wasn't getting any better, although it may have been the right thing to do, I hated it! They did make sure they treated it sensitively at home and didn't let my older brothers take the piss. When I was away at school however, some of the teachers saw it as a 'sign of weakness' that shouldn't get any special treatment - queue being forced to read out loud in class

OP posts:

Original poster

TeelaBrown · 15/06/2011 17:38

I should say

my parents eventually gave up because even though I made big improvements to start, after a while I wasn't getting any better

don't want to make them sound awful

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 15/06/2011 17:39

After the wonderful practical and sensible support you have already had, I would just like to add she should really just go fuck herself.

sue52 · 15/06/2011 17:39

You could say something like, you didn't choose to stammer in the same way that she didn't choose to be born with such an unfortunate personality.

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 15/06/2011 20:41

I'd go with sue52's option.

prime candidate for a personality transplant if they were available.

akaEmmaFrost · 15/06/2011 20:47

What a TOOL!

I would laugh and then stop and say in an amazed tone "hold on a minute, you weren't serious were you?"

I am no expert but I can't imagine for a second your speech will have any impact on your baby learning to speak.

DogsBestFriend · 15/06/2011 20:48

What AnyFucker said, with knobs on.

Talking of knobs, your SIL is one!

A friend of mine's mum was deaf from birth, lipread and spoke with some awkwardness as a result. My friend's speech is perfect.

Children pick up speech and language from loads of sources not just mum. Think of those with, say, Geordie-accented parents who move down south as youngsters - they soon lose their Geordie accents (have another friend who proves this point).

Please don't upset yourself - the problem is with SILs manners and common sense, not with you.

probablyveryunreasonable · 15/06/2011 20:54

My dad has a stammer - me and my sister do not. Your SIL is a bitch

cupofteaplease · 15/06/2011 20:56

What. A. Bitch!

Aerobreaking · 15/06/2011 20:57

Shocked by how rude your SIL was. Your child's speech will not be affected by your stammer. My father stammers badly, I have no speech problems whatsoever and he was my primary caregiver as a young child.

I will just say though, if your child does develop a stammer, it will NOT be due to hearing you stammer - some stammers can have a hereditary element - my brother also stammers quite badly. However, I believe that some of the hereditary stammers are X-linked recessive genetically i.e. there will be a greater chance of your child developing a stammer if it is male.

Either way, your speech will not directly affect your baby's, apart from if it does go on to stammer the child will be able to see how stammering does not stop anyone from living a wonderful life - as demonstrated by its mother (who the child will unquestioningly beleive is the most perfect person in the world).

cerealqueen · 15/06/2011 21:02

Your SIL is a top bitch. Next time she says anything horrible to you, just keep saying 'what, what?' , look distracted, as if she is talking twaddle then completely change the subject to something mundane. Keep doing it.

Good luck with your pregnancy BTW!

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