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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is my husband? I put the keys where keys live FFS.

22 replies

Poppyella · 14/06/2011 10:10

I'll make this quick, but I am furious about a row I had with my dh this morning.

Five days ago I managed to escape from school runs and after school clubs and go out shopping for the whole day with a friend. We left after school drop off and got back at 11pm having had a fab time.

During this day I drove my husbands car (more economical for long journeys). On his car keys were a set belonging to his brothers house as he has been occasionally staying there for work. I took these off and hung them on the key rack. Perfectly rational, adult decision I took, thinking they will be safe there and I did it in case I lost the car keys. I knew where they were and made a conscious decision to do this.

This morning dh discovers the keys are not on the car keys. Cue a big drama queen moment when he couldn't find them, even claiming they were not on the rack, lost forever blah blah. I obviously found them straight away for him.

Anyway - he had SUCH a go at me for taking them off in the first place. How dare I. Spoke to me like I was a child. Told me in no uncertain terms to never do this again. Like, seriously cross. WTF!! He hasn't been to his brothers house during this time and is not due to go back 'til Thursday btw.

So, AIBU to have taken them off in the first place? (obviously I don't think I was, but would like to know what others think!!)

And also, AIBU to have got really got cross back and told him he was pathetic for getting so fecking het up about it. (Normally, I will say OK love, whatever and mutter under my breath what I am really thinking). But this just really pissed me off!

Sorry, it wasn't that quick was it!!

OP posts:

McDreamy · 14/06/2011 10:14

I think YABU for taking them off in the first place. I think maybe both of you overreacted as it was only a set of keys, not exactly a big deal. I would have been more pissed off if I had turned up at my brother's house to find the keys missing though.

JanMorrow · 14/06/2011 10:15

Well it's not the most earth shattering of arguements..

I would email him an edited version of the above to express your annoyance. Just tell him not to talk to you like a child, explain the rational behind your decision (which seems perfectly sensible) and tell him you expect an apology and wait for said apology. You'll have forgotten about this in a couple of weeks.

PonceyMcPonce · 14/06/2011 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fgaaagh · 14/06/2011 10:17

You are both BU.

You shouldn't have seperated a set of keys. I'm sorry but if I check my keys in the morning, I expect the bunch to be as it normally is. Apologise for that.

But you are both BU because it shouldn't have gone into such a huge argument. Take a deep breath, apologise for it, and say that it shouldn't have gone that far, and he was also on poor form for blowing it up into such a huge row.

And move on

squeakytoy · 14/06/2011 10:17

I can see both sides. I hate anyone interfering with my keys, and my husband does this quite regularly. According to him I shouldnt have lots of other keys on the car key keyring as the weight will damage the ignition..... yeah right... whatever. So if we swap over driving at some point, or he drops me off and my keys are in the car he will take my other keys off. It annoys the feck out of me as he never puts them back on.

I am a pain myself though for misplacing my keys... I have to retrace my steps on a daily basis as I just plonk them down anywhere...

Gingefringe · 14/06/2011 10:19

Hmm ... he seems very possessive about the keys to his brothers house!!

BooyHoo · 14/06/2011 10:19

he is being an idiot!!

yanbu at all. you were keeping them safe. would he rather you lost them whilst out shopping?

i can't belive he lost his temper over this and to treat you like a child is unacceptable.

fgaaagh · 14/06/2011 10:20

squeakytoy, that would piss me off too! Life is hard enough with little annoyances without finding out you don't have a key because some idiot has removed it! that would really annoy me!

Original poster

Poppyella · 14/06/2011 10:20

His brothers house is 150 miles away, and he only goes there occasionally, so it would be really unlikely to just turn up without the keys. But I get your points.

OP posts:

MrsGWay · 14/06/2011 10:21

YABU, you should've put them back on his key ring when you got home 5 days ago. He probably made such a big deal about it as what you did shows a lack of consideration and respect.

fgaaagh · 14/06/2011 10:22

So a 300 mile roundtrip if he didn't have the keys.

No excuse for treating you like a child, but that is one shedload of extra petrol money (and time!) because of your inteference. Sorry!

He still should have handled it more maturely tho.

McDreamy · 14/06/2011 10:24

I think the most important thing here is you both realise how small this issue is and you both make up and move on. Do you feel able to make the first move? I would let him know about how you felt when spoken to like a child, no need for that.

Original poster

Poppyella · 14/06/2011 10:30

I suppose I didn't see it as interference, but a planned decision that I thought was safer.

fgaaagh, absolutely, a 300m mile round trip would be shit, but he doesn't just go off. These trips are planned because of sorting out 4 dc's whilst he's gone. And his brother is usually there to meet him so could let him in, it's just during the trip he needs them.

So, fair enough, I shouldn't have forgotten to put them back. (Not sure by simply forgetting to do this i am showing a 'lack of consideration and respect' but hey ho). So that's cool, IABU with this.

BUT, I am more pissed of about the patronising way he 'told me off' when I honestly thought I was doing the right thing in the first place. It's not like I put them somewhere unsafe.

OP posts:

Ephiny · 14/06/2011 10:36

You should have put the keys back when you got home (or not separated them in the first place) - I would be annoyed if someone messed with mine, especially if it could cause me a wasted journey. But equally there was no need for him to have a huge go at you, he could have just calmly asked you if you'd mind not doing it in future.

What a silly thing to fall out over though. Do you have other pressures or problems going on, that might be causing little things to blow up into big rows?

emptyshell · 14/06/2011 10:50

I get INCREDIBLY annoyed if someone (cough hubby cough) moves my keys from my keyhook. I'm so blurred and incoherrent on a morning that I need stuff to be where I expect it to be or it completely irks the snot outta me - if I'd have expected say my mum's house keys to be hooked to the keyring - I'd expect them there.

Original poster

Poppyella · 14/06/2011 10:57

Ephiny, yes I suppose so. It is a stupid argument, but we seem to have alot of those recently.

I get really bad PMT (PMDD actually) - and have just been prescribed anti depressants to take for 4-5 days before my period and during it. (PMT has just loomed its ugly head again yesterday).

I don't do this lightly, but something had to be done because I realised my behaviour during this time of the month was affecting all of us. I'm also taking evening primrose tablets etc because I hate the way it affects me. And just really trying to 'count to ten' during situations that might make me feel stressy.

DH is supportive of this but to be told 'oh just fuck off and take a tablet' during the row this morning also annoyed me immensely so the row turned into something bigger than it should have done for reasons other than the keys.

It's like I can't ever get angry because PMT is just thrown back in my face as a reason for having a differing opinion iyswim.

But the fact is, I probably would have been pissed off with the way he spoke to me mid cycle as well!!!

Fucking pathetic really!

OP posts:

Vicky2011 · 14/06/2011 10:58

I can understand his irritation, certainly you should have returned the keys, but it does seem a weirdly possessive and territorial overreaction.

Does he freak if someone parks outside your house?

ChristinaEliopolis · 14/06/2011 11:06

I spend lots of hours drumming it into my family that if you borrow something in the same condition that you borrowed it.

It would have taken moments to put the keys back on the same ring so, sorry, yabu.

Btw, my DH always blames any bad mood on pmt (or now I have arrived at this stage, peri-meopause). He is under the mistaken illusion that this will shut the argument down and he will be The Winner. It has never worked yet, as I pretend he never said it and carry on............

ChristinaEliopolis · 14/06/2011 11:08

Try again.

I spend lots of hours drumming it into my family that if you borrow something you return it in the same condition that you borrowed it.

Sorry.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/06/2011 11:20

Poppyella - perhaps if you apologise to your husband for forgetting to put the keys back on the keyring as soon as you got home, he will then apologise to you for the way he spoke to you. And if he doesn't, you will have good reason for pointing out to him that you have thought about the incident and have seen where you contributed to the problem and that you would like him to do the same. Ask him if he'd speak to a work colleague the way he spoke to you, and point out how unacceptable his tone was.

Insomnia11 · 14/06/2011 11:34

It does annoy me when DH doesn't look in the place where stuff is supposed to be kept before asking where it is.

Toddlers can swipe keys in second though. I remember once I was about to return some keys to PIL and left them on the hall table to pick up as I went out, as I'd just remembered something else I had to take with me. Literally 30 seconds later they were gone. DD1 (then about 20 months) had removed them to location unknown. Luckily the inlaws weren't desperate to have said keys back as I search high and low and found them a week later in a random kitchen cupboard.

JanMorrow · 14/06/2011 16:22

ok, he's being WEIRD about his keys.. a simple tut and "don't split the keys up again it's annoying" would suffice!

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