to think that decisions relating to my body are mine alone

[Amateurish]

I've arranged sterilisation operation with my doctor. We've discussed all the ins and outs and the risks etc etc. But then he says I need my DP's signature to go ahead. So I've got a form to take home where DP has to sign and return to the surgery.

DP is fully onboard but I object in principle to having to have DP's agreement to the procedure. I'm an adult and I fully understand all the issues involved, including those relating to my own relationship.

AIBU to be annoyed or is it perfectly reasonable for my doctor to check that DP has no objections? And why can't the doctor just take my word for it?

Have others had similar experiences?

YANBU, I'd be raging. I hate the view that a woman has to defer to anyone else over matters regarding her own body, be that sterilisation, abortion or whatever.

Like Eric I'd refuse to sign and sit back and wait to be shown the Act of Parliament which says I must in order for surgery to go ahead.

Here's a frightening thought - a few years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a lumpectomy but was still at risk of a recurrance. The recommended preventative treatment was oophorectomy. I had a week to decide whether to accept this course of action and did so, having the surgery a week later. I was seperated from my husband - although I did have a partner he didn't live with me. I'm just wondering... had I been still with my husband would they have insisted on his signature before I was allowed what has probably turned out to be life-saving sterilisation treatment?

I?d be very curious about this as no-one else can actually give consent for you if you are conscious and of sound mind (by that I mean that there needs to be a diagnosis of not been competent, can?t think of the right words, sorry tired).
I would also wonder about the legality of it the breaking of patient confidentiality ????

Surely this is illegal? Married or not! Dont do it!

Sure...they should discuss your partners feelings and the ramifications...but consent!?? NO!

sorry but i would hand teh form in unsigned by your DP. it isn't your DP that is having the operation or altering their body it is you and only you. i would refuse to have him sign it. surely this cant be legally upheld?

Well you know what ..you are in a relationship..with a male or female and yes you can pretend that everything about your person including child birth or not does not matter to anyone else but it does...if my DH chose without informing me to have a vasectomy I would have an issue so i turn if I chose to have done the same it seems reasonable for him to involve me...

mumcentre plus, you can inform your DH without having to get his permission. and it isn't for a doctor to say that you should inform your partner. it is up to you and not for a doctor to police.

I have just been sterilised, and at no point did they involve my DH. He wasn't at any of my appointments and I was not asked to get him to sign anything.

does he know?

its not about someone signing anything...it about informing your partner you are doing something that affects both of you...that to me is reasonable

it was carried out during a c section and he watched it being done, so yes! He knew it was happening and obviously we had discussed it, but at no point did my consultant mention DH or say I needed consent from anyone other than myself.

this is about signing the form though!! that is what the OP is about. how have you missed that?

re-reads OP..ok...so it's holy about the signature?...to check with a persons partner that this is ok is fine...but the signature is the issue...

Surely they cannot require your DP's actual signature to go ahead? That cannot be right.

I can understand that they would want to at least have checked that any partners (whether straight or gay) who have a vested interest are on board. But to require a signature - no that cannot be right.

If someone is single it's a moot point. Anyone entering into a partnership with a sterilised person can do so fully aware that the person has already taken that step.

I think from the surgeons POV, he felt better getting my signature so that if he cocked up and DH had got me pregnant with quads, he could wave said piece of paper at me saying 'But look! You signed this to show that you understood it might not work!'. Maybe our case was different. I was told that another pregnancy could kill me, so the medical people wanted me to be certain I understood the risks. Even though it was DH that was having the procedure, it was also me that might suffer the consequences. As it were. I still felt like I was taking my dog to the vet, though.

I can sort of understand it. A friend of ours went and had a vasectomy two days after his DW had a CS. His resoning was his family was complete. She was not impressed.

Right where do I begin

There is no medical procedure that legally requires the consent of a partner or spouse it is infact a breach of your medical confidentiality to involve a partner or spouse unless you give full consent.

If you go into hospital and dont want your partner/spouse to know what is the matter with you, and tell the hospital this, should they discuss it with partner/spouse, then they are breaking confidentiality and thats quite serious.

There is of course an assumption that a patient would have no reason to 'hide' anything from their partners/spouse but it is only an assumption full consent to disclosure should always be sought.

Two years ago I was diagnosed with Cancer (free now thank the fuck)
during the consulation I was asked if my Husband was waiting for me when I said he was a nurse was told to go and get him, when I asked why I was was told we need to discuss your diagnosis with both you and your husband.

I went mad, I told the consultant that it was MY decision when and what my husband was told NOT his and he was NOT allowed to make decisions for me (didnt go down well I can tell you)

he argued a bit and of course intimated there must be something wrong with my marriage ( couldn't be more wrong sunshine).

Forgot to say in Chickens case its different as both parties had already agreed to the operation and I agree she would need to know the consequences of the operation not working

I think you should ask why they need his consent. It may just be to cover their arses, as Chickens says. And if they try to tell you it's for any other reason, kick up a right royal fuss about confidentiality (never mind sexism!)

I didn't have to provide consent when dh had his vasectomy!

It goes both ways so it isn't sexist. Just odd I guess.

I think I could understand if they said you needed to inform your partner... I would be fucked off if DH went and had a vesectomy without telling me as it takes away my right to more children without knowing. Don't get me wrong I don't think I should have the right to not sign a consent form and stop him, but I think I should be made aware. If you are actively ttc and nothing happens you will eventually see your doctor and need teste etc, would be unfair to go through all that to find out your partner had been lying to you all along.

I know it has been mentioned that some men in relationships with DV take away women's access to birthcontrol, but I can't see a woman getting steralized and her partner not noticing anyway.