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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

watching older mums

63 replies

ll31 · 13/06/2011 01:07

must admit I started watching this prepared to be quite judgey... but...... you could see why these women wanted children and also particularly looking at twins born to 54 yr old woman in usa that actually as one of twins stated, if she hadn't done it, we wouldnt be here, so she was right to have children.....

I'd son at 36 which I thought was quite old... I really had very different reaction to this prog than I expected..aibu

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 13/06/2011 15:06

Oh and obviously I cannot speak for everyone my age, just going on my own feeling of the subject and what other younger mothers I know say.

ilovedora27 · 13/06/2011 15:54

TBH I think its madness to have kids in the 50s/60s. I only know a very small handul of people that have had children in their 40s, and if they arent first time mums they say its so much harder than it was when they had their younger ones. I hope to have finished having children by 35 at the very latest.

fuzzpigFriday · 13/06/2011 15:58

What programme was this, please? Is it on iplayer or similar?

Fiddledee · 13/06/2011 17:18

LDNMummy

People start partying younger these days, and tend to get it out of their systems earlier from my experience. You are in your 20s how do you how much us 40 year old partied when we were younger. I had my best "partying" years 28-31, I had the money to enjoy myself at that age.

I have taken 5 years out so far to look after my kids (not one or two) as I can afford it and I have past colleagues/contact offer me part time jobs recently despite all my lack of recent work experience because I had 15 years work experience before I had my first child.

Good luck entering a very competitive graduate job market with a year or two out for having kids, I'm sure employers will see it in a very positive light.

giveitago · 13/06/2011 17:27

My dhalf sister has had an amazing upbringing with df who was 56 when he fathered her with his 46 year old wife. She's had an enviable upbrining with lots of it spend overseas in an african country (where noone batted an eyelid).

He'd had 3 bouts of cancer (when I was a teen) prior to having her. She loves her dad and mum and is a very together 18 year old and has an incredibly fit 71/2 year old father.

Depends on the dad - my dh is 47 to our 5 year old and he has zero fitness.

The only negativity that dhalfsis and df encountered was at her horribly bitchy faith school which had a negative impact. But there's ignorance everywhere.

fuzzpigFriday · 13/06/2011 17:40

Anyone? Googling not coming up with anything, what channel was it on please?

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 13/06/2011 19:29

I would also like to know what channel please Grin

LDNmummy · 13/06/2011 20:08

Fiddle will respond later as only have my phone to type on right now.

smallpotato · 13/06/2011 20:11

I had older parents. My mum died when I was 20 and it absolutely crushed me, tbh I've never got over it. Now in early 30s, my dad is nearly 80 and not in great health, I worry about him a lot and we may have to look at nursing homes soon.

When I compare this to my inlaws who are in their 60s and very fit and healthy I know which situation I'd rather put my children in, that's why I decided to get on with it and had my first age 27.

I do feel for people who don't find the right partner until they are older, but I can't help feeling it is pretty reckless to have a child past your mid 40s.

smallpotato · 13/06/2011 20:11

I had older parents. My mum died when I was 20 and it absolutely crushed me, tbh I've never got over it. Now in early 30s, my dad is nearly 80 and not in great health, I worry about him a lot and we may have to look at nursing homes soon.

When I compare this to my inlaws who are in their 60s and very fit and healthy I know which situation I'd rather put my children in, that's why I decided to get on with it and had my first age 27.

I do feel for people who don't find the right partner until they are older, but I can't help feeling it is pretty reckless to have a child past your mid 40s.

Kewcumber · 13/06/2011 20:43

"Actually I disagree with this idea" - how can you disagree with this idea? Confused It's what I think about me - who can you disagree with how I think about my own position?!

Also when you are in your 20's, how can you know how you will feel in your 40's? I have been 20, 30 and 40 and have no doubt I would have coped perfectly well with children at any of those ages (and yes probably even in my 50's which I'm rapidly heading for). My point was for every downside of being an older mother I have found that there is an upside so it isn't clear cut as you might like to think it is at 24.

As for partying like Fiddledee I did my best partying in my 30's but its not even as straightforard as that - I had a high stress job which involved a lot of European and worldwide job which I loved. If I had childrne then I would no doubt have employed a live in Nanny. I spent loads of time away in just about every country I wanted to - white water rafted, treked and explored.

then I started the next adventure which was motherhood.

I am not advocating older motherhood - I wouldnt have chosen to be this old as it has meant that I have reluctantly given up the idea of a second so it hasn;t come without paying the price of giving up on the family I envisaged, but my fertility problems were so severe that its quite likely that I would have struggled even if I'd started at 18.

However with my great maturity Hmm I am less prone to being so fast to decide one approach is "better" - though my personal opinion would be to call a psychiatrist if I ever embarked on IVF at 65 - it was a bloody nightmare at 40, 60 or 70? No thanks.

Fiddledee · 13/06/2011 21:05

I hasten to add that I don't think having children in your 20s is a bad idea but I agree with Kewcumber (had a similar lifestyle) that there are some upsides to having kids later.

My mother died when I was 12 - she had me in her 20s. There is no guarantee.

Got to go back to booking lovely long haul travel trips for me and the kids to explore the world - I would not have been able to afford in my 20s.

begonyabampot · 13/06/2011 21:44

Our upsides to having them older is that we had a lot of fun in our teens/twenties. Now we are financially secure and have no money worries, can a afford a nice lifestyle and holidays etc with our kids. But, in some ways I wish I had had my children by the time I was 30 - selfishly - i want as much 'good' time with them in that i want to be a fit mother and a fit grandmother to any kids. Also, my own mum might have had a chance to see them grow up instead of dying when they were very young (though she died young herself). As it is, if my kids wait till they are my age or older then i'll be in my 70's when I have GC - my mum was in her 40's when the first came along.

Easy to say when i might have hated struggling more financially if I had had them younger. Pros and cons to both - but 50/60/70 is way too old.

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