to find this odd exp

[tomhardyismydh]

exp mum is arriving from NZ today, has met dd once when she was very small, dd is bursting with excitement and has wanted to call her dad all day, I put it off until closer to the time she will have landed. so I txt him to call dd when he gets a chance or let me know what time to get her to ring him.

As exp is collecting her from school tomorrow she wanted to desperately ask him if her nan could be at the school as well. so when I txt I just said dd desperate to talk to you and wanted to ask if nan can collect dd with you tomorrow. he txt back sitting in airport not landed yet wont be home till after 8pm, tell dd ill take her to see nan after school. This answered neither question and if sat in airport surely he could have rang dd there and then.

I explained to dd and she wasn't happy with this so asked to ring him. so I let her. They were in car on way home dd had a brief chat with nan which was great but when asked if she could come to school both said no, did not give an explanation that they had other plans or anything. dd is going with her dad straight from school to see them. is it just me who finds that a bit odd, I would have thought the grandparents who have met their dgd only once would jump at the chance and also understand that it would be quite a big thing for dd.

I can just envisage dd having lots of expectations that may well be let down during this visit. her dad is inconsistent at the best of times and I have promised him lots of flexibility as I know his mum is here but worried it will not pan out quite the happy time I hope for dd.

Hi :)
I don't know if I will be of any help to you ? This is the time when sadly all you can do is take a back seat, sit back wait and see and just calmly watch :(
I would imagine that ex mum has been travelling is it over 24 hrs? And is completely shattered and will probably been jet lagged too? Although I hear what your saying, you will have to just let your ex and the mum do it their way? its such a short time she is here I would have thought, that DD will be soon back to her normal routine. If she can though make sure she gets loads of pictures of her nan, mainly because who knows when she will be able to come over again, also it's a keepsake for your daughter :)
Wish you all the best
Take care

I hope that your DD gets to spend plenty of time with her GM, but if she's travelled from NZ do you think she might need a couple of days to get over the jet lag? I'm sorry, not knowing how old your DD or her GM is makes it difficult to know if YABU or not.

dd is 5 her gm has just retired, very fit and healthy. I understand the jet lag bit but suppose I am BU on that count, just thought they are seeing her anyway why not pick her up.

Yes definatly take a back seat, I think. she is lovely lady we email allot and send pics and talk about life etc not just dd. so she is a reasonable lady but when she was here last time for a good few months I think she only spent time with dd on 3 occasions.

I think you're reading into things. He was busy at airport, can be stressful, wasnt necessary to call DD there and then. You asked if they could both collect, he said he'll take her round there. It did answer the question, the answer was no. i imagine they dont see the point if she's going straight over there after school? Not being rude, genuinely, but perhaps you pander to your dd more than they would normally to a child. Would her expectations not being met be related to them being less attentive than she is used to?

I think his answer was fair enough. It is a horrendously long flight so he probably doesnt want to commit to any arrangements and then let her down.

I don't see it as pandering meconium I see it as why could he not have called. I think DDs excitment to see her gp have been underplayed by him. I am able to accept if im BU. Maybe just a reflection of how things are done differently in our our own families. but I certainly dont pander to my dd. but if she wanted to call me I would accept a call from her.

or at least arranged to call her as he did quite obviously accept her call when she did call

lets face it, some people arent interested in their grandkids, they have more interesting stuff to do i suppose

she probably wants to spend time with her son but isnt fussed about the kid

They probably have a reason for the gm not coming to the school but are choosing not to share it with you. The lady is coming halfway across the world and does not need to justify herself to her son's exp and a 5 year old. She has said no and that should be enough.

Do you explain all of your actions to your exp?

I didnt ask them to explain to me I didn't even speak to them. I would have offered dd up an explanation though in that situation. she is not just a 5yr old kid to them she is a part of their family.

Yes but she's still 5 years old. I know you're worried about her getting hurt but not everybody wants the same even if they are family and you do sound indulgent.

not indulgent in general terms but aknowledge this is a big thing for dd and she has been excited, She talked about it endlessly today, but I suppose that is the things her dad does not notice as he spends very little time with her and is often on his terms. I got her to call him to ask herself as there is very little i can say about it as I don't know what they have planned.

But he just said no, seemed to pull the rug from her feet. with an explanation she would have understood may have been enough for her, but without an explanation I find it odd that the gm wouldn't want to make the gds day by collecting her from school.

Like I said maybe just a difference in our families, DD does not have any other grandparents.