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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what age you leave children at birthday party's ?

47 replies

whereiswally · 11/06/2011 22:50

Just read another thread on here about mums staying when they shouldn't at parties. I totally understand where the op was coming from.

Then it dawned on me, dd has a party to go to tomorrow at a soft play area and it's a third birthday party my dd is 3 also. I was expecting to stay there as surely it would be too much to look after so many young children at soft play with only a few adults?
But now I am wandering would I be expected to leave?
I don't really feel comfortable leaving her there. I don't know anyone to ask (who is going) as the invite was left in dd tray at pre-school.

Aibu to expect to stay for the party?

OP posts:

LiegeAndLief · 12/06/2011 09:36

At 3 everyone I know stayed at parties. Only started leaving them at reception age (4), but there are still kids who don't want to be left whose parents stay and the host parents always seem fine with it. For all the parties ds (4, in reception) has been invited to so far, the host parent has made a point of saying they're happy for parents to stay or go. If ds wanted me to stay and the host parent hadn't said anything, I would mention it in passing just to warn them before the party.

exoticfruits · 12/06/2011 09:45

Parties up to 5yrs were really friends of mine and so they stayed, although I was happy for them to go at 4yrs if they wanted to to. Parties at 5 yrs changed to them choosing a few of their friends and I expected them to go but didn't mind the odd one with a nervous DC. 6 onwards I didn't expect any parents to stay.
I left mine at 5yrs and sometimes at 4 yrs but not younger.

Omigawd · 12/06/2011 09:52

In our case kids were left once at school, before that you stayed, especially at soft play parties where they have a food area etc for parents as it's no strain on the hosts.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/06/2011 09:55

normally by the time kids are at school they stay alone at partys so 4/5

soft play areas/public places are different then in someones home

im having a party for dc nearly 3 in 2 weeks and all mums/nannies are staying

geraldinetheluckygoat · 12/06/2011 09:56

when they get to about five, you can leave them, but check with the parents first. I am delighted that both of mine have reached the age where I can leave them and much prefer it if other parents leave theirs too!

seeker · 12/06/2011 10:01

Depends on the child. My 15 year old dd would secretly like me still to stay just round the corner in the car (I don;t - I hasten to add). Ds would have cheerfully gone off with the Child Catcher at 18 months.

MorticiaAddams · 12/06/2011 13:59

4 if they knew the family well otherwise I'd stay. At 5 we just dumped and ran.

I would be shocked if the parent of a 3 year old had left.

shitmagnet · 12/06/2011 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Choufleur · 12/06/2011 14:09

We've started leaving DCs at parties this year (since they started reception), at parties at the village hall etc. If it's a large soft play area or something most people do staff. Well that's what most parents do anyway.

It's great being able to leave them

mrsbiscuits · 12/06/2011 14:14

DS1 was 5 before he would let me leave him but we had children to his 4th birthday party whose parents dropped them off and picked them up. I suppose it just depends on the child and how well as a parent you know the people whose party it is.

jasminetom · 12/06/2011 15:23

I am 37 now, I don't know if anyone else has had an experience like this. When I was 7 I was invited to a birthday party by a girl from a big family. I didn't know her very well and didn't want to go, my gut instinct was fear. My mum did all the "you'll enjoy it when you get there" stuff. Her dad was in his 60s and partially sighted. I so vividly remember him pulling me to one side and shoving his hand up my dress. Luckily his wife spotted it and told me to get away from him, naughty dirty little girl. I wasn't actually abused or anything but remember, so clearly the moment it happened thinking "What the fuck am I doing here?".
I don't know why I have just decided to tell this story for the first time to a bunch of strangers but I guess what I am saying is that if they are not comfortable and don't want to be left, take them home with you.

jasminetom · 12/06/2011 15:24

Especially if the family are not close friends.

CafPow · 12/06/2011 15:26

4 or 5, as others had said, about when they start in "Reception/Foundation" . But still, always leave a contact number just in case!

Bunbaker · 12/06/2011 15:41

I think it is an imposition to leave someone else responsible for your child at a soft play area. What happens if your child has an accident? Who will take your child to the toilet?

Where I live all the soft play areas are too far away to make 4 car journeys in any case, so all the parents stayed and chatted over a coffee while their children played. We just left them to it, but were on hand to deal with bumps and scrapes and toilet visits.

seeker · 12/06/2011 16:02

A reception age child would be perfectly able to take him/herself to the loo. And if a child hurts himself it would be much easier at soft play than in a house because there's staff to help.

exoticfruits · 12/06/2011 16:05

Surely if parents have arranged a party they are making themselves responsible-it is hardly an impositition.

Bunbaker · 12/06/2011 16:13

"because there's staff to help."

That's not really what they are there for. All soft play areas around here have notices saying that each child must have a responsible adult with them.

"A reception age child would be perfectly able to take him/herself to the loo"

At school yes, but in a huge playbarn they find it very intimidating especially if they aren't sure where the toilets are. DD often used to wait until the last minute and I always had to carry a spare pair of knickers. Also, the toilets have fire doors to access them and small children find them too heavy to open.

exoticfruits · 12/06/2011 16:15

If it is a 3 yr old I don't see the problem-surely all parents are staying?

wotnochocs · 12/06/2011 17:15

3.5 ish with my 4 kids.They would have been mortified at a parent staying once they were in school.

blackeyedsusan · 12/06/2011 17:23

for goodness sake just ask when you arrive...

I am thinking that dd is ready to stay now she is nearly 5. loads of parents stay at the parties we go to. there are only a few who leave their children. they are the older ones in the class... and not all of the children look happy about it either. often, they are being looked after by one of the parents who does stay, whilst the party hosts run round organising food/drinks. many parents bring toddlers too or older siblings if there is no-one to look after them.

seeker · 12/06/2011 17:57

I couldn;t leave my dd until she was about 8 - but that was unusual and a pain in the neck. I always told the birthday parent in advance and gave them the opportunity to uninvite. Nobody ever did - I almost wish they had - it might have helped to uncling dd a bit!

But the norm I think is to drop once they get halfway through reception. Not at the beginning because they don;t knwo each other, but after Christmas I would think most childrn would be left.

shitmagnet · 13/06/2011 05:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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