to think this woman should have waited her turn?

[Andrewofgg]

Day off yesterday; DW and I went for coffee in a department store. She got a table while I went to the counter where I had to wait perhaps three minutes for service.

At a nearby table a woman with a baby in a high chair and another woman, I think her mother.

As I am about to ask for coffee and pastries, the baby's mother walks over and asks for the baby?s food to be microwaved. Some argument follows about why they can?t do it ? that?s another issue ? while other customers and I wait.

In the end the woman behind the counter gives way and puts the food in the machine and serves me.

Since the child was not creating and was under supervision I think mother should have got in the queue. But it's a fact that some - not all - women with babies think that they are entitled to jump queues as this woman did.

AIBU?

OP YABU to bags a table without getting food. It's very inconsiderate to those who are in the queue and buying food - where are they going to sit, on your lap?

I suspect you are feeling like you should have piped up and insisted you were served, but were too scared to, and now are going to blame that pesky woman with her baby for spoiling your outing. Easier to blame than to act.

Personally I always let a mum with a baby in before me - we've all been in that situation, and it can be hell, or very close to if babe is hungry / kicking up.

Better luck next time OP(!), and don't bags a table without having bought your food. Without a system of booking tables, that is rude.

Some of us don't think it rude. It is a matter of opinion. I find it worse to have 6 people together queuing for 6 cups of coffee which is totally unnecessary, when 2 could get it and 4 could get out of the way.
I often go as a lone person and can't bag a table,it is never a problem.
Of course people who have met for a chat want a nice table to themselves, people will make the assumption that the food or drink are all that matters, but if you are meeting friends, the table is all important. If you are out with 5 friends you want a table for 6 and not one for 4 and one for 2. If I go by myself the table doesn't matter, the food and drink are more important. These threads get nowhere.

Ohh Ive always wanted something like this to happen on one of these kind of AIBU's

The other side of the story.
BagOfHolly wasnt being unreasonable.

BagofHolly was having a stressful time, you would hope that everyone would be understanding, rather than insist on strict table etiquette (as they see table etiqette).

I have been in coffee shops etc on my own with DD right from when she was a baby and have found no problem parking her at a table where I can see her and vice versa. More fool the people who queue and then can't find a seat tbh. Why would you and pay for food and then take a chance on whether you could eat it? it's not rude fgs it's common sense.

Especially with a baby Gwendoline, the mind boggles at how you push a buggy through crowded tables carrying a tray with one hand and then have to go off and seek a high chair. The only sensible thing is to park the buggy, get the table, find a high chair,strap the baby in and join the queue. As a normal paying member of the public, without smallchildren, I would much prefer that the mother did that-less inconvenience to everyone.

Exactly. The couple of occasions I have kept the pram with me in the queue, someone (staff) has always volunteered to carry my tray to the table because steering through tables and holding a tray with hot drink is quite likely to land an innocent passer-by with a tea shower.

Dorje: If you had read my second post DW has had both knees replaced and cannot stand long; that is why she took a table. Should have explained that. you might have left out your first and last paragraphs!

I didn't pipe up because I am too easy-going, I have been through parenthood and uncledom, and it did not spoil the outing!

Even if she was right to expect to jump the queue she should at least have apologised and not treated it as her right to do so.

I agree with OP. And disagree with screaming baby being an excuse. If you have children some things are a given such as they will need feeding and/or changing while out. They will also probably scream or tantrum depending on their age. However, this is not anyone else's problem. A bit of planning needs to be done.

Firstly, don't just have food that needs to be heated up or defrosted. Secondly, if you do have some special requirements you queue up like everyone else. You don't see diabetics in a cafe rushing to the front of the queue because they need a sugary drink urgently or people in wheel-chairs demanding to go first.

I'm not saying parents and others don't need some sympathy and accommodation of their needs but parenthood is normal. It is not some special case and the sense of entitlement displayed by some parents is quite shocking. Going to a cafe is recreational and rarely essential. A bit of consideration for others would help all round.

And before anyone asks yes I do have dc. He is 2yo and I volunteer to support parents and I very occasionally witness selfish behaviour as described in the OP but mostly parents I meet are considerate.

Would the groups of table hoggers waiting for their coffees mind if a single mum who has paid for her food joins them while they wait for their friend at the back of the que to get the 8 cups and various sugars/spoons/milks and pays for them? If the answer is no, then I have no issue with large groups of un-paid up customers taking up seats before paid up ones.

No objection at all-but really would she want to? I wouldn't-it would be terribly embarrassing to be talked across.
If I meet friends for coffee we are going for a chat-if we can't have a table together we don't want the coffee.

I have no problem with anyone sharing my table if they want, why would I? And tbh that's half the problem, lots of single people sitting at tables with spare seats and people huffing and puffing because they also want a table to themselves. If there's a spare seat, take it fgs.

That is why I don't mind being a single person unable to save a table-I can just join someone.
As a single person I am going for the drink or food and can read a book-the table doesn't matter. With someone else it is a social event and the table matters the most.

I always make the dc go and bag a table, otherwise they are pestering for different things and get impatient in the queue, and trying to feed them standing doesn't work.

As to the mum in this case it all depends on her attitude, whether she is apologetic or one of those " entitled" types ( typically with 4x4 Chelsea tractor pushchairs.......... )

Ahh yes careful planning... I found I was exceptionally good at that with my 5 month old first born...

Never once was I caught short with no vests because he had done an explosive poo over the one he was wearing.
Good note I remember food for one certain outing, forgot spoon though..

Fuck kows what I would of been like with two of the buggers!

KatieMiddleton I think you are currently blessed with that thing known as hindsight

I am simply not prepared to order without a table-unless I am a single person who can't save one but can join another single person. The system works fine.

Who decided that you had to order before finding a table? It is NOT rude to find a table in a cafe if you are eating there! It would be rude if you were not going to eat there. IF it was a problem then the cafe would have a set procedure like one cafe I went to a few times. The first time I got a right bollocking and then after that I ordered my food and waited to be seated with my 3 DDs. They made our food and we still hadn't been seated. Absolutely crazy! If I hadn't been able to find a table myself in the normal way we wouldn't have ordered food and we wouldn't have got cold meals.

If someone pushes in the queue to buy something then they are out of order. But to ask for something, e.g. salt, etc. is fine. Of course it also depends on the attitude of the person doing the pushing in.

Katiemiddleton, I could have waited in the queue but his screaming was very very loud and was about to set the other twin off. I am a shit-hot planner. With twins with reflux (both on 4 different meds each, all diff drugs and different doses) and a two year old, to get out of the house takes slightly less planning than yours and Will's wedding.
Two year old was at grandmas, the twins had been changed, fed, medicated, shushed and cuddled. But DT2's teeth are giving him a rotten time. I'd rubbed on anbesol, but it wasn't doing it for him. The frozen pear purée was for later in the day - that's why it was still frozen - but it helps his gums.
So I suppose I had 3 options -

1. queue with everyone else, both babies screaming, pissing off everyone nearby

2. get some hot water and start trying to cool his gums and shut him up, jumping the queue

3. not attempt to go out in public until we're through teething.

I don't think I had/have a sense of entitlement, just occasionally one of desperation! No amount of improved planning would have got me through yesterday any better!

A very popular cafe I go to actually has a sign saying "No reserving of tables please".

I always thought it was cafe etiquette to order before sitting down though others in my family have always bagged tables. I wonder why I thought to do this originally(perhaps signs like the above influenced me) as I seem to be in the minority. I certainly never reserve when out on my own and have never been left standing with food yet.

It's always helpful when cafes have a policy so you know what to do and it's fair for everyone.

Many places do say "Please take a seat and order from the bar" or "wait to be served etc".

so really it's the 2 system that is the problem. Everyone needs to follow the one system which is of course the get a table and then order - that is the only way that everyone gets a table to eat their food at.

And i would also move to accommodate a mother with kids/buggy or a bigger group if it was needed. I'd also offer to share my table if someone was left standing.

Andrewofgg Sun 12-Jun-11 09:11:45

Dorje: If you had read my second post DW has had both knees replaced and cannot stand long; that is why she took a table. Should have explained that. you might have left out your first and last paragraphs!

Why should I leave out what I have to say based on what you omit to say?
I'm not a mind reader.

Bagofholly I didn't comment on you personally. I commented on the OP and my experience. I wasn't there so I don't know if you were reasonable or not.

And yes AmazingBouncingFerret shit happens when you're out (quite literally sometimes) but you deal with it. It's when one person (whether a parent or not) thinks their particular problem is so much more important than others and expects special treatment that irritates me. And even though DS is 2 I'm still subject to disaster when out and about. IME parenting doesn't get easier - just different.

As I said in my previous post I spend time supporting new parents so it's not just the wisdom of hindsight but also current observation. The work i do means I often meet new parents out and about in cafes. The majority are lovely, funny and empathetic and suffer the odd disaster that parenthood brings without making it everyone else's problem. However, very occasionally I encounter a parent who displays an entitled attitude: queue jumps, refuses to move the buggy to let people past, demands things be brought to her in a self-service setting (there are other types of people who are not parents who display an entitled attitude but we're discussing parents here). It gets on my wick. Thankfully they are the tiny minority as they are often deadly dull banging on like they're the only person ever to have had a baby.

YANBU given that she didn't ask if you minded. Like Jamie Again if she explained that baby was getting a bit frantic and asked nicely I wouln't mind her going first

YANBU. She should have queued. It's splitting hairs to say microwaving food is 'not service'; anything that requires the staff to do something for you counts as service. Some people do think having babies/children with them gives them a free pass.

And WTF about it BU for one member of a party to sit at a table while the other one queues?