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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people who pay for private tuition are just cheating?

166 replies

mdowdall · 10/06/2011 15:30

There should be a stealth tax on all private tuition so that all private tutors have to be registered and charge, say, £500 an hour (enough to derter most families) - most of it going back to the treasury. I mean, why should the kids of pushy middle class parents do better in their grades than they ordinarily would have done just because they can afford to pay for extra tuition? People should just accept, if their kids are a bit thick in certain subjects, well, tough.
(btw - kids with autism, other probs etc - Im not including them - they should get all the free extra private tuition they need)

OP posts:
unclehairy · 10/06/2011 16:26

Well the solution seems to be that we have to find the child with the least competent parents in Britain, who attends the worst possible school.

That was me! Borderline child abusers for parents, poor standard of living (proper 1970s poor), went to a state school that would be in special measures by today's standards.

I still got into Oxford.

(Twirling my evil moustache, thinking about how I've passed this conspiracy of genes to my children......

Mwahahahahaha!)

GrimmaTheNome · 10/06/2011 16:28

Most are very ordinary families on an average income who have chosen to make this a priority

I can never understand the mindset, implied by the OP, that says you can't spend your own money on the most important things.

ViolaTricolor · 10/06/2011 16:28

Keep on twirling, Unclehairy Grin!

MarshaBrady · 10/06/2011 16:29

There is nothing stopping you from helping your children you know.

A tutor is just someone that helps a child understand; if you want that you can do it too for free.

exoticfruits · 10/06/2011 16:29

It is another choice-nothing more-it isn't cheo say tating. It seems very unfair that if a DC is struggling they can't have extra tuition-and why should extra tuition be free?

exoticfruits · 10/06/2011 16:30

Sorry-having problems with the text jumping! Should read-it isn't cheating.

alemci · 10/06/2011 16:32

I found it a struggle to pay for my daughter's extra tuition. Perhaps people spend their money on different things.

reallytired · 10/06/2011 16:34

mdowdall,
I'm paying for my son to have guitar lessons. Is that cheating?

I had the pregnancy from hell and I briefly paid for a tutor to force my son to do his homework. I had SPD and completely and utterly lacking patience.
His teacher was sympathetic and understood the problem. Paying for a tutor saved my sanity.

Someone else I know paid for their child to have private English lessons as he was seven years old and had no English.

southofthethames · 10/06/2011 16:37

As a college student I tutored pupils from a inner city school (as part of a volunteer scheme) which was so challenging (I suppose they would say it was in special measures then) that the teachers had to lock the pupils out of classrooms before and after classes to stop furniture and equipment being broken. Their families did not pay a penny. The ones who eventually did well were very motivated to begin with - those who never managed to concentrate or apply themselves never did despite my offering extra lessons/more exam help. It has more to do with the child's motivation than whether money is spent. Of course, for many kids, just having their own quiet, tidy space to work in without the distraction of playstation or tv is challenge enough.

INeedALieIn · 10/06/2011 16:39

What a ridiculous post.

Working to the lowest common denominator. Producing a generation of under achieving teenagers with low aspirations. That will really put the Great back in Britain and help us move out of recession - not.

Education, however you can get your hands on it (parents, tutor, library) is the only way forward.

mummymeister · 10/06/2011 16:39

I don't smoke. I don't drink. i choose to spend my money on giving my children all the opportunities and more that i had educationally. 2 went to a tutor for an hour a week before their 11+ and the third will start in January. I would charge stealth taxes on things that really do harm others.Sorry you don't like it. suggest you read Animal farm some time.

alemci · 10/06/2011 16:45

well said Mummymeister. Otherwise lets drag all our children down.

MissVerinder · 10/06/2011 16:49

?
Lucky for me, DP and I are geniuses, and will tutor DD ourselves if needed. He's best at science and maths, I'm more for English and the arts, including music. If DD isn't getting along in a subject we can't cover, then I will cut back on whatever I can to be able to afford a private tutor for her.

YABVU.

Oh, have a biscuit too Biscuit

maypole1 · 10/06/2011 16:52

Why are they cheating would you call someone who has a degree from harvard a cheat.

If they really have brought their degree which I doubt you will be able to, it will be come as bad as the state unis were most degrees are worth nothing.

I will be saving every penny i have and if they are offering quality degrees I will be happy to help my child go their

MrsDaffodill · 10/06/2011 16:58

My sister had tuition as she fell behind when she suffered severe glue ear?

My other sister had tuition when she fell behind after my father spent a year doing charity work in a third world country.

Neither of them had diagnosed special needs. Were both those cases wrong?

tabulahrasa · 10/06/2011 16:58

'In truth, the SN thing isnt really relevant here IMO - I think it's a separate argument.'

Is it though? DS has a tutor for English, he also has Asperger's and joint hypermobility and hypotonia which affect his writing, but tbh he gets average marks in English without the tutor, he's top of his class in all the science subjects though and I don't think it'll do him much good when he applies to uni if his English is much lower.

So is that an SN issue or not? Or am I paying for him to cheat at English, because it's him doing the work his tutor just sets it....

BerylOfLaughs · 10/06/2011 17:00

Showing your ignorance OP.

If you want all kids to have a level playing field then we all need to neglect and abuse our kids as much as the worst parents on earth. Otherwise it's cheating, right?

Sounds like you have a great big fat chip on your shoulder that you can't afford private tuition.

I see plenty of people wanting better education for their kids but driving around in nice cars and going on holidays and having good homes, some even smoking and having the odd bottle of wine Shock. It's all about priorities.

I tutor my child myself and make sure I know how things are being taught at school. I'll get her a private tutor whenever I feel like it by adjusting my priorities.

betterwhenthesunshines · 10/06/2011 17:02

Come on OP - don't care how slowly you type. You must have some feedback to all the responses you have here.....

Shodan · 10/06/2011 17:04

If you want real ideas on how to cheat, here are some:

Lean casually over towards your neighbour's desk and take a squizz at their answers.

Write the answers in tiny letters on small pieces of paper. Roll up and insert into pen lids.

Wear shirts with very long cuffs. Write the answers on these.

Attach pieces of elastic to the inner seam of your sleeve. Attach pieces of paper with answers written on to free ends of elastic. Pull down to read when required.

Smuggle your mobile into the exam in your sock/knickers/bra. Make sure you have internet access. Google answers.

Hide reference book behind cistern of loo. Make repeated requests to vist the loo. Check book.

Write answers on thighs. Pull up skirt as required.

HTH.

Gooseberrybushes · 10/06/2011 17:06

This op is just the most awful indicator of chip on the shoulder-ism.

maypole1 · 10/06/2011 17:06

100% agree we are not rich and pay £25 a hour on a tutor every week, some people would rather spend the money of fags or get their nails done or drive a expensive car

Its not my fault I would rather do with out so my child can have a better further to be honest I think this has been covered on the private or state school thread it boiled down to people being bitter because they couldn't afford it for their own children.

Because I don't understand why its anyone elses issue what people want to do with their money if people want to go private let them I just can't understand why it bothers others so much.

Gooseberrybushes · 10/06/2011 17:12

I am soooooo lazy. I just read the title.

Now however I have read the op and I declare it to be very very silly indeed.

YummyHoney · 10/06/2011 17:17

Whilst I disagree with OP, if you take a look on the elevenplusexams.co.uk website - the stuff that goes on there comes very close to cheating. Parents go on there to ask what questions are likely to come up in the exams and which papers their DC should be concentrating on in order to pass for specific grammar schools.

depob · 10/06/2011 17:24

I am with ohmyfucksy on this - why are state primary schools so crap at bright kids? It's like they don't exist and you are labelled as pushy if you dare go in and point out that your child is so bored they fall asleep in class.

Gooseberrybushes · 10/06/2011 17:26

I hate the way aspiration has become labelled as cheating and sharp elbowing. Thank God for the aspiring middle class. Where the bloody hell would we be without them.