I've just been wondering, and I'm probably asking for a slagging here, but here goes...
I claim benefits. My DH works, but only part time, because I have a serious mental health problem. Or at least it can get serious - it is bipolar, which means that often I am fine, sometimes I am in the depths of despair, sometimes I am so full of energy and ideas and so on that I don't sleep and do really, really stupid things. I have also has psychosis in the past (although that seems to be much better these days, I will apparently always have that risk). I worked full time for six weeks around Christmas, and I am still recovering - for about a month or two, I was completely unable to look after the children at all, make a cup of tea, leave the house, etc, and I still have panic attacks quite regularly (to the point where going to a class at the very small community centre, with eight people, is a major point in my week that has me on "red alert" all day - when I was younger, before my first major blip, I was heading for a 1st and would happily stand up to talk to a lecture hall full of students).
However, to an outsider, I probably seem fine. In fact, when I am in the "up" bit I probably seem really outgoing, full of energy, overbearing in conversation, self obsessed, wildly creative and so on. Because, tbh, I am when I am in that state. Which is what makes that state the most dangerous - I have lost count of the amount of times the police have had to be called when I have run off on some scheme, and my finances are shot to pieces because of the way I get in debts that I don't even remember. Not to mention the fact that I stop taking medication etc.
Anyway, that is the background. The main point being, I claim quite a lot of benefits. We are not rich, but I could see why someone might think we weren't poor, if that makes sense - me being in the house most of the time, and the kids being at nursery (we still get most of that paid for as I am incapable of looking after them all day by myself) means that I can bargain hunt, grow veg, make food, etc. As such, while we are not secure, we can pay the bills and have some treats without too much worrying. By treats, I mean we can have lunch in the local pub about once a week, the odd bottle of wine, the kids have plenty of books, etc - nothing massive, but these things don't mean a huge hole in our finances. We also go to a pub quiz quite often, but always come out with a profit as there is a cash prize, so we don't count that. Suppose it is relevant though, as if we didn't win, it wouldn't be a big deal - we'd just not have drinks afterwards or something.
I'm rambling now. Anyway, whenever I post on fb or wherever about anything that is a bit of a "perk" to this lifestyle (as I try not to moan about the downsides) I know for a fact that some people will judge. For example, if I ask if anybody fancies meeting for a brew on a day when I am feeling up to it, I know that looks like I am always up to it, and am just idly wanting some company on my life of leisure. If I tell somebody that I have bought a new item of clothing, you can almost hear them thinking "with taxpayers money". If I see someone when I am out and about with the kids, they think I do it all the time. I am in the process of applying for a bus pass, but I worry that other passengers might see and judge, as I am able bodied and (most of the time, if I am well enough to be out alone) I don't look "mad". At the moment, my computer is on it's last legs, so i am considering buying a new one - as my main link to the outside world, it is vital - but I worry about people finding out i have a new computer.
AIBU to feel I always have to be careful, or should I just ignore it and go about my life as normal?
If you vaguely knew me (ie you didn't know me well enough to know the details of my illness, but enough to know I don't work etc) would you judge me for having nice things? If you would, is there any way I could minimise your judging?