To choose my own curtains

[messybessie]

Some of you may be aware of my ongoing curtain dilemma.

DH is driving me mad. I have sorted out the damp, the rewiring, the plumber, the plasterer, the decorator. Have had curtain lady measure up and gone through many samples. I whittle it down to a shortlist, show DH and he says no to all of them.

Won't spend any time looking at more. He came to John Lewis once, saw one which he liked and that's it. Says 'you know the one I want, I don't understand why we're not having that'

I said I didn't want it and he said 'so I don't get a say then.'

I feel like a project manager for a demanding client.

How do I just make a decision without him saying that I've just overruled him?

He does this all the time and I need to be more assertive. I do all the work, then he strolls along at the end and vetoes. I put pictures up that I like and he'll take them down if he doesn't.

We end up with things that he likes that I don't mind, or nothing. But I get all the pleasure of all the legwork.

Why are you still living with him?

Because he's lovely in other ways. Just a bit spoilt when it comes to home decor.

It just seems a bit sinister if he constantly disregards your efforts and controls any choices.

YANBU to want to choose your own curtains.

He is NBU to want to choose his own curtains.

Really not sinister.

But what about OUR curtains

Tell him chossing the curtains is your reward for all that work you put in with the other stuff. If he wants equal input, he will have to expend equal effort.

Sorry choosing.

Same in my house. We have such different taste it causes problems. I think if I organise and pay for work, the choice should be totally mine. We should have equal rights regradless of which one pays and so I abu.

We take turns picking (from a selection)or I leave it up to him and if he doesn't sort it within an agreed period then I sort it out(and choose). Could you agree to decorate different rooms?

My OH tries to veto but I don't take any notice and It doesn't bother me. It is such a pita to sort out - why doesn't he get a selection ready for YOU to choose?

If you're doing the donkey work then it would be fair to have extra say in the final outcome, you'll have agonised over the detail so will be more attuned to what will work (yes I am a precious creative). He can still have a say, show him your shortlist and he can pick one of those!

If it is day to day stuff about who likes what pictures on the walls you have to have some of each person's choice. I have a piano covered in old teacups and cross stitch which isn't to my DHs taste at all but there are plenty of things around and about that are his style not mine.

Ah pull yourself together.

(rolls on floor)

(The sexes are equal except when it comes to curtains - women have FAR better taste)