To think my son could have an education without racism being tossed into the mix

[royaljelly]

I am half Nigerian / White. DS is 1/4 Nigerian English/Welsh and DD is 1/4 Nigerian English / Irish.

My son (12) and I imagine my daughter (1) will have to deal with this sort of bigotry all their lives and it breaks my heart.

I know I had it from birth as my Mother has told me I had bricks thrown in my pram and she was called a nigger lover, so much so that her brother had to walk with her and myself for protection. (1978)

My DS (12) has been on FB for a few months and it has been quite positive for socialising etc.

He then started receiving some name calling and putdowns which then turned into racist abuse . eg. Nigger Lips, Paki, etc.

He deleted the posts but his half - sister (My DSD - white) copied them in an e-mail to me and his Dad.

She was very angry as was his Dad (white), I expected this to happen.

3 dfiferent teens from his school participated in an absolutely vile racist tirade against him. In all 78 posts threatening to beat him up at school. I have now blocked this 'child' from his Facebook page.

However during this tirade of abuse my 12 yr old son had consistently posted 'I know I have black roots and I am proud of it, not going to change who I am' ,

I am so proud of him for being happy in his own skin but don't want to make too much of an issue out of it as I have brought him up as my mother did to be proud of his achievements and goals and he should pity those who judge of others skin colour; They must have very shallow, narrow-minded and limited minds.

As much as I would want to protect my son I think that exposing him to this mindset and not interfering (as much as I want to), it will make him a bigger person and I hate to say it but prapre him for racism in his adult lirfe.

I agree Mahraih.....I know schools can be less than helpful but it's very important not to get jaded by them...the perpertrators need to knowthey cannot DO this!

Makes me sick.

OP just wanted to say your sons response brought a tear to my eye tho im 5 months PG everything makes me cry at the mo but he sounds like a well rounded young chap and you a fantastic mother :)

He sounds like a special boy, OP, one to be proud of. :)

People can dislike others for all kinds of reasons but to dislike somebody because of their skin colour is beneath contempt and undeserving of any further consideration.

OP your son sounds amazing, as do you. I find it so sad though that you are resigned to the fact he will be subjected to racism all his life. It makes me angry.
I hope his lack of 'care' in his response to the bullies will make them stop. Please keep making a record of these attacks.

Royal - wow your ds is a amazingly sound for a young kid.

You also sound like you've already instilled in him a solid sense of self and background. However, I do think it's great that although you're giving him the freedom to deal with it how he thinks fit, you are also hovering in the background poised act. That's wise - we must all be advocates for our kids.

I have an Indian mum and although I'd say it's a very different scenario for asians I do understand where you're coming from. Back in my day my parents did nothing to instill a sense of any cultural pride or identity and we grew up in a horrible surburban place. Hand on heart I experienced very little racism and the little I did experience I could handle and I had a very strong sense of self gained from the freedom my parents gave me to think for myself. I don't have a very strong sense of cultural identity (plus I'm married to man from yet another culture) but I'm very proud of my roots and have zero issues with it. Other people might - I don't.

My dm and df were convinced I was being targeted for my race but I wasn't. But I do appreciate the fact that they gave me space to work out what to do (when needed) but were also in the background acting like great protectors should I need it and step in for me. Actually the only big issue I had that I couldn't handle were with primary school teachers who had written me off as we were the only mixed family in the area and they couldn't work us out so just wrote me off. My df went ballistic and was in the school every week having a go - not for race (he's too subtle) but for telling them they needed to get with it and identify all aptitudes presented in all kids and to push us more (ie me) and understand that we as a nation were going global so needed language classes, understanding that kids presented differently but were still kids and needed the same encouragement etc. It was so bad that when many years later I bumped into a teacher and told them I had just graduated, his mouth dropped open in disbelief. Old habits die hard I guess.

But things have changed and for the worse (socially) and I do feel it more important to instill in our kids their heritage and pride.

I'm going to show your thread to the dm of my ds's friend. He's mixed and his mum worries how he seems to identify with his european side only. She's not british and is black from an EU country where foreigners are meant to know their place (if you know what I mean) - but I keep telling her that it's normal here for people in 'minority' groups to instill a sense of pride in their kids. She could learn from this.

My ds on the other hand looks completely european but very much identifies with his asian side. I can never work him out but he's at a school where there's huge diversity and I think he picks up from that.

Hoorah your kids have you. Keep up the advocacy.

You've resigned yourself to the racism that they may encounter. That really saddens me but I appreciate it's borne of your experiences. It shouldn't be this way, in this country, but it still is in places (not everywhere and not always). But I'm a firm believer that where you see shit you tackle shit. Ensure the school supports your dcs properly. If they don't know how then you're going to have to show them.

A few people within MN and in RL have advised positive ethnic role models... I should point out that I was brought up mainly in an all white household and my father (black) had (and still does) an 'out to get you' relationship with anyone who happens to be white.

Positive role models regardless of colour are the people who influence your life the most and make you aspire to their standards.

I think that especially in young black boys this has become rather narrow minded in that only black men can inspire and influence them.

There is such a wide world of inspiration out there and I think teaching your children to embrace difference, regardless of colour will enrich their lives. And if they look up to a person of good standing (regardless of celebrity status) then this is a positive.

UPDATE:

DS appears to have sorted this himself.
His week back at school has passed without incident and he is looking forward to going on his school trip.

I have not mentioned the racism at school this week as I do not want him to dwell on it but I continue to monitor secretley his e-mail, facebook & his phone for any further insults but these have died down for now.