To tell my friend she should be grateful for what she has got, not what she wants

[sparkleshine]

Hi.
A friend of mine who I adore very much has been thinking about having another baby for a while. She has 3 girls ages 7,4 and 3. The first 2 were through IVF and 3rd completely by surprise and naturally.

Whilst casually talking about it she said that her and her DH were seriously considering getting IVF abroad to have gender selection for a boy.

Now they aren't short of money and could afford this no problem, but I can't help thinking that this is going too far. They have 3 beautiful daughters and are lucky to have them considering what an awful time they had TTC DD1 and also thinking of the many women who cannot have children.
I made my thoughts known and we haven't spoken since. Don't know why I feel so strongly about this. I'm quite an open minded person but this just seems selfish.

Agree with minority. gender selection is horrible. By default it means that girl embryos will be created and killed. Mother nature has evolved a perfect system to guarantee a balance of the two genders in the world and we should not mess with it. yes it is selfish - selfish in that she will be creating tiny humans who will be rejected for being the wrong sex. I have my issues with embryos being destroyed/not used after 'normal' IVF but accept that, at the moment, this is an inevitable consequence of a procedure that allows people who very much want to become to parents to do so. but to wilfully reject perfectly good embryos for being the wrong sex is abhorrent in my view.

YANBU.

I tried what was called "sex selection" with my 4th. I didnt actually go to any great expense but had shots for about a week and then was told the exact time, etc to up my chances of having a girl.

I had the 3 sons already so decided to give it a shot for a girl, to the best of my ability.

At around 16-20 weeks (cant remember exactly) while the doc was doing scan - he said "ah well 4 boys wont be so bad".

I can safely say that I wanted a daughter but was sent a little boy angel instead :)

My body, my choice and I think you should really just be there in a support role for your friend. Her life, her choices.

I'm also against gender selection except for extreme medical reasons. Just because something is possible doesn't make it right. Your friend knows this is a controversial topic and you should be able to express your opinion and agree to differ.

I can see why the gender selection thing makes you uncomfortable but are you really surprised your friend is pissed off? offering an unsolicited opinion on someone's style of childcare/family planning ethics is the fastest way to lose a friend. Particularly as its not like they are expecting the taxpayer to pay for it.

OP I wonder what would happen if you friend went through IVF and only had female embryos - would they all just be discarded? That just doesn't sit right with me.

However I do think you have to be supportive to your friend and respect her decision even though I would feel the same way you do.