Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think emotional abusing your child should warrant an investigation

36 replies

LoopyLiz88 · 08/06/2011 17:42

My friend is a horrible mother. Last night myself and DH and our dc had dinner with her and her dd. My friend was about to fall out so I asked her what was wrong. She said she took 3 of her anxiety pills when she's only supposed to take one. SHe went to take a nap and I was to wake her when I left. I tried and couldn't so I sent my dc home with DH and bathed her dd and put her to bed. She also blames her dd(almost 4) for ruining her relationships. She doesn't have relationships...just guys she sleeps with. I'm terrified that something like this will happen tonight. I called her dd's stepmom because her and her husband needed to know what is going on. They called child protection and was told that since I was there I needed to make the report. Not something I wanted to do BUT I did it and since I didn't SEE her put the pills in her mouth and I was there so her dd wasn't neglected that there is nothing they could do. How is that right?

OP posts:

Tyr · 08/06/2011 18:51

OP,

Do you know if there is a Residence Order in force and, if so, in whose favour? Have there been, or are there ongoing proceedings in respect of the child?

Original poster

LoopyLiz88 · 08/06/2011 19:03

There is no Residence Order. When they split up they just agreed things as they came up. I do hope that the dad tries to get one though.

OP posts:

Tyr · 08/06/2011 19:26

It's not that simple and, if they have been agreeing things, going to court for a R.O. won't help (based on what you have posted) Even though there is not one in force, a change of primary carer is a drastic measure the court will be slow to take, unless there is clear and immediate danger to the child- and I'm not making light of your concerns.
It sounds like there are two issues, interlinked:
First, she needs support and secondly, the child needs safety and stability while she gets it. An obvious solution would be for the child to spend more overnights with the father to take the pressure of her (good for the father child relationship too)
Is there an intermediary who could help negotiate that.
As for sleeping with numbers of men, that is her business and, unless she is letting dangerous people around the child, it is not something that can or should be used against her.

hugglymugly · 08/06/2011 19:53

Tyr, the father is the primary carer. The child is with the mother one overnight a week and alternative weekends. The mother should be able to organise her social life and medications around that so she is fully responsible when her child is with her.

OP: I would assume that SS didn't immediately get involved because the indications were that the child was being properly cared for at that particular time by responsible adults. I would think that the dad going for a formal residency order would be the best thing for the child.

thegruffalosma · 08/06/2011 20:20

How was the child 'punished' for your friends bloke dumping her? And in what way did she think it was her fault?

Original poster

LoopyLiz88 · 08/06/2011 20:24

My friend took most of the child's toys away and she told her dd that her and "boyfriend" broke up because her dd was bad. Her DD does live with her dad now but there is still an issue when she has her!

OP posts:

colditz · 08/06/2011 20:28

the father needs a residency order, and if he has his head screwed on about how these work, then calling the SS and asking the OP to do the same is the safest way to get neglect (for that is what this is) oficially recognised by the courts.

thegruffalosma · 08/06/2011 20:32

That's really weird. The only reason I was asking is because if she was misbehaving in a way that would warrant punishment and your friend thought that was the reason her bf broke up with her, rightly or wrongly, then she wouldn't really be unreasonable to punish for the bad behaviour. Did she say why she thought she was 'bad'? Seems a strange thing to say.

Tyr · 08/06/2011 20:37

hugglymugly Wed 08-Jun-11 19:53:02

Tyr, the father is the primary carer. The child is with the mother one overnight a week and alternative weekends. The mother should be able to organise her social life and medications around that so she is fully responsible when her child is with her.

Thanks- I didn't pick that up from the original post. He is therefore in a position to do something, ie attach conditions to contact. A Residence Order merely "settles" where the child lives and will not address the issue.

MadamDeathstare · 08/06/2011 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LoopyLiz88 · 08/06/2011 21:28

No she didn't say why gruff. But the last guy was awful(drugs, too much vodka, etc). I think she would have and I'm worried about what is going on there tonight. I cannot go by to check as my dd has come down with chicken pox(lovely timing no?) I sent DH over earlier to pick up my charger and he said she seemed fine.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2