Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To not have my contraception injection tomorrow

36 replies

mollycuddles · 07/06/2011 22:48

I have 3 dcs - 13, 10 and 1. I'm 39. Dh is sahd. I work full time equivalent in 3 jobs - as secure as anything can be these days. Good income. I never planned to work full time but circumstances led us to this point. Basically we bought a lovely house at the top of our budget, bit of a project, pre credit crunch, based on my part time income and dh's lovely new job. But his job turned into a nightmare, he had a breakdown, spent 18 months mostly in hospital and due to job being new got feck all sick pay... Transpires he has bipolar and now hasn't worked in 5+ years. May never work again. But meh. We don't need him to.

That nightmare period caused all sorts of financial ructions though. Would have liked to move to clear things but by the time the project was saleable, the property market had died. Developed a plan B to clear all debt and get sorted. Delayed a bit by having dd2 but she was so worth it. She has always felt like my reward for the bad times. We will be sorted completely by next summer. Maybe sooner.

So the injection planned for tomorrow - both me and dh want a dc4. Money the obvious reason to wait. Also I'm dieting/ exercising and a few months from target. Pregnancy with dd2 was rubbish - maybe in part due to me being so fat but no guarantees another pg would be better (been sick with all 3 but much worse with dd2). By getting to healthy BMI I make any future pg more likely to be healthy/bearable etc

But I'm getting older and the risk of delayed return to fertility with injection is a concern. Am still bf dd2 who co-sleeps so not much dtd anyway but only takes one... Could just not have the jab and probably won't get pg for ages...

So iabu but

OP posts:

duckdodgers · 08/06/2011 07:11

trosi - I havent projected anything so less of your linmited knowledge of defence mechansims thanks. I simply asked if people thought people with mental health problems shouldnt have children because of your statement Your OH has MHI and you want more children?Cant see the logic myself - that reads pretty clear to me.

BeardofZeus · 08/06/2011 23:12

With regard to Troisgarcons - any person who has two children who go through open heart surgery and post op care, who then have another child with the same issue, and then has another child, with the same issue, then has ANOTHER child withthe same issue ... an odd decision there..so much stress and heartache (not to mention that i am someone who cannot comprehend why ANYONE needs so many children as to not fit into a normal sized car (has noone heard of our gross over-population problem? ))

I have heard of the 18month rule for coming off of contraception, and also that some contraceptions actually add a couple of pounds; you might find you lose weight easier off of hormone contraception? But then again, I have got a friend who uses the pill to control her diet! Could go either way! I would say though, if you aren't ready in your mind to be pregnant tomorrow, stay on it until you are :)

CarnivalBizarre · 08/06/2011 23:49

For me, the question would be ....if you have another child, would you be returning to work and leaving your DH with a young baby to deal with? That might tip him over the edge.

I have a very good friend who is bi - polar (manic depressive to use her term) and she is fine when she is on meds but sometimes when she is at a high point because her meds are working she thinks she doesn't need them anymore and she goes downhill very quickly because she refuses to believe that she needs them ...its usually at this point she gets sectioned again - it usually happens when something big happens within her family/social circle

I'm not suggesting that your DH is like this of course, just making you aware of my friends bi-polar behaviour and how it could impact your life - it has badly affected mine :(

Good luck though OP :)

bugsylugs · 09/06/2011 00:12

so wished I had seen this earlier. POP least impact on fertility in short term no issue with weight

HowlingBitch · 09/06/2011 00:26

troisgarcons Get a grip! I doubt you have the intelligence to realize how ignorant you sound. Pity.

Fernie3 · 09/06/2011 06:28

If you are planning dc4 anyway and have already decided on that then I wouldn't get the injection, you could still wait bt using contraception less likely to delay your chances of getting pregnant while you sort things out further?

Mamateur · 09/06/2011 07:43

Mental health issues are very complex but I don't think it's offensive to consider the hereditary aspect. We have a child conceived with a male donor because DP did not want to risk his genes. His family has been shattered by schizophrenia for generations with deaths galore and he is bipolar. I think we made a sensible decision.

razzlebathbone · 09/06/2011 08:54

Great - feel like a right shit now for being Bipolar and having two kids.

GeekCool · 09/06/2011 09:07

Razzle ignore those blinded by their sheer ignorance of MH.

fuzzpigFriday · 09/06/2011 09:12

I think you should perhaps be more worried about your DH coping, rather than some risk of passing on the condition. I say that as someone who's been depressed since 13. In my case it isn't genetic (I was abused) but it has plagued the last 11 years of my life. We knew we wanted more than one child (I hated being an only) and actually we always dreamed of having loads. But when I got PND for the second time we decided to stop. It's been difficult, but I just cannot risk my mental health by going through another pregnancy and birth, let alone all the difficult baby stages. We decided it was better to count our blessings, we had two healthy babies. I already felt DD was suffering when DS was born and I didn't want to spread myself any thinner.

It's a personal decision though - my friend has incredibly bad PND every time and has only just stopped at 5 DCs. Only you two know if you can handle this, but it is such a massive decision.

I agree that not getting the injection, but using condoms for a few months, is a good plan. It allows you to 'detox' from all the extra hormones which may help the weight loss as well as the fertility returning. And it'll give you a chance to sort out your finances. Are you sure you can cope financially with maternity pay and so on?

Mamateur · 09/06/2011 09:29

Razzlebone, I don't see why our personal choice should make you feel like shit. Please don't let it.

If the situation was just that DP was bipolar (as he is) I don't think that would have made him think he didn't want biological children. I was certainly happy to have 'his' children. But in his lifetime he has lived and still lives with his father's schizophrenia (unmedicated) and his sister's schizophrenia and suicide (he found her). His brother is deeply depressed and won't be far behind I fear. Several other members of his family live in institutions.

It's not ignorant to look at facts, is it? Or am I missing something? I don't have an ignorance of MH issues. Sadly, there are a part of my everyday life.

Flip

1 2